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VADER: What is thy bidding, my master?
EMPEROR: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
VADER: I have felt it Yes, I have felt it. (the "Yes" would be used from the eliminated line below. No biggie, I just prefer it still to be used)
EMPEROR: We have a new enemy...the young rebel, Skywalker. ("...Luke Skywalker" or "...young Skywalker" works fine too)
VADER: Yes, my master. He's just a boy, Obi-Wan can no longer help him. (elimates one of the 3 "grovelling'? '...my master" lines)
EMPEROR: He could destroy us.
VADER: He's just a boy. Obi-Wan can no longer help him. How is that possible? (from SE - He could be 'feigning' ignorance of his full knowledge of Luke here! Who knows?...)
EMPEROR: The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.
VADER: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.
EMPEROR: Yes...yes, he would be a great asset. Can it be done?VADER: He will join us or die, my master.Or some alternative 'double-dealings' -VADER: What is thy bidding, my master?EMPEROR: There is a great disturbance in the force.VADER: I have felt it. Yes, I have felt it.EMPEROR: We have a new enemy...the young rebel, Skywalker (or "...Luke Skywalker" or "...young Skywalker")VADER: Yes, my master. How is that possible?EMPEROR: He could destroy us. The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.VADER: He's just a boy. Obi-Wan can no longer help him.EMPEROR: The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi. He could destroy us.VADER: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.EMPEROR: Yes...yes, he would be a great asset. Can it be done?VADER: He will join us or die, my master. (or just "He will join us or die!")
Okay, in addition to my comments on the previous page, here's a last alternative from me to think about, that rearranges things about slightly, but still retains more of the original's vibe than the SE's, and still keeps a little mystery about the amount of knowledge that Vader and the Emperor have of each others motives.
The 2 things this layout does is get rid of one of the "...my master" lines that Vader repeats three times, which strikes me as a bit 'over-deferential' for such a short conversation, or just plain 'sarcastic'! One at the beginning, and one at the end seems fine, although I like the idea of just removing the last one instead (if the original conversation is kept), so that Vader's line ends with his menacing (and deliberately misleading ?) reply to the Emperor that "He will join us or die!"
The other is the inclusion of "How is this possible?" line from the SE dialogue, so that things DO tie in with the damned prequels at some point...well, assuming Adywan keeps certain dialogue and events between the Emperor and Vader somewhat as is....
Anyway, just some random thoughts and I'm just happy we're not getting that whole SE conversation!