All good ideas for crawls. Here’s one that incorporates several of those ideas:
It is a time of galactic tyranny.
The once venerable democracy
has fallen to a despotic Empire,
which subjugates the star systems
of the defeated Old Republic.
A few brave souls dare to defy
this oppressive regime, and
whisper of forming a strong
REBEL ALLIANCE, now
their only hope against the
relentless Imperial machine.
With the resistance still
fractured and in disarray,
the Empire moves swiftly to
complete its ultimate weapon,
one that will spell destruction
and death across the stars. . . .
Impressive, clear and concise. The word ‘subjugates’ may have a few people reaching for the dictionary - though that isn’t a bad thing.
The end line ‘and death across the stars…’ - would ‘and death across the galaxy…’ scan/sound better?
Either way, that is one quality crawl that, feels and comes across like it could’ve been the actual Rogue One crawl had they used one - nice one 😃
I was coyly trying to put the words ‘death’ and ‘star’ in the final line. 😉
And yeah, the first paragraph is too heavy with the thesaurus.
What a grand and intoxicating innocence. How could you be so naive? There is no escape. Come, lay down your weapons. It is not too late for my mercy.
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