Random Thoughts — Page 382

So that's why Biff's such an unrealistic Saturday morning cartoon supervillain in the movie.

Judging by the lack of any underline tags, I’m guessing there’s no way to underline words in posts anymore. =(

For awhile now, I’ve been been curious to find out which of my posts was the first to display traits of overt absurdism. Now that I can actually look through my post history, I believe I’ve found that post:

DuracellEnergizer said:

Darth Bizarro said:

I showed her the official DVD versions of each film.  No original theatricals.  The only excepting being that I showed her Star Wars Revisited instead of the regular special edition.

As I read this, I feel a strange sensation not unlike biting down on a piece of tinfoil.

She was largely indifferent to Episode 1.  She giggled a few times at some of Jar Jar’s antics but she wanted to slap little kid Anakin.

I feel a slight pressure in the upper left corner of my skull near the back. It’s not painful, not even uncomfortable, but obviously the precursor to a headache.

During Episode II, she said she was ready to throw up during all the love scenes between Anakin and Padme.  She did really enjoy the action scenes and thought Yoda was sooooo cute when he busted out his little lightsaber.  She found 3PO’s antics at the end funny.

My mouth feels a little dry and it feels like I’ve got a small stone stuck in my throat. I always get this feeling before I violently throw up.

She really enjoyed Episode III although she really hated General Grievous and was extremely happy when he died.  She reacted with a really strong “Oh No!” when Anakin pulled out his lightsaber on the younglings.  She proceeded to call him a “poopie head” the rest of the movie.  She complained that the movie took way too long to end.  She reacted very emotionally to Anakin turning on Padme at the end.  At the end I asked her when she figured out Palpatine was Darth Sidous.  It was during the opera scene.  Also, during the Wookie battle she loudly proclaimed that she wanted one.

A vague pressure has settled over my temples, and the dry mouth/stone throat has returned, only less potent than before.

A New Hope didn’t go as well I had hoped.  She didn’t dislike it but her reaction wasn’t as strong as it had been for Episode III.  When all was said and done, she said that the felt Episode IV should have been more deep considering how much more deep some of the others had been plot wise.

I hear a breeze blow over dry desert sand.

For most of Empire Strikes Back she was quite.  However, a few interesting comments came out of her mouth.  During one scene where Vader had done something particularly evil, she made the comment that she sort of felt bad for the guy.  While Leia was running around Cloud City shooting stormtroopers, she commented that Leia was a much better shot than her mother.  She reacted with genuine shock when Lando opened the door to reveal Vader sitting at the table waiting for our heroes.  Then, later on when they are walking down the hall and Lando presses a few buttons on his wrist control thingy she asked if he was doing something good or something traitorous.  Dispite having scene Episode 2, she asked me who that guy was when Boba Fett came on screen.  During the love scenes between Han and Leia she commented that this is how they should have done the love scenes with Anakin and Padme and that they weren’t vomit inducing.

I am floating in the innards of a giant jellyfish.

During the entire second half of Return of the Jedi, she couldn’t stop talked about how much she loved the Ewoks and immediately wanted to go out to Toys-R-Us afterwards and get an Ewok plush.

I have gained Spider-Man’s spider sense, and it is painful!

As the film started, she genuenly believed that Luke was going to fall to the dark side at the end and take Vader’s place.

I am back in the jellyfish, but the lights have gone out.

Throughout the movie, she repeated shouted at the TV every time the Emperor talked.  Her complaint was that his mouth moved freaky when he talked.

David Lynch.

When Han badgers Leia about what she and Luke were just talking about, she called him a dumb ass.

Pygophilia.

While Palpatine is electroshocking Luke, she started calling out to the screen, yelling at Vader to hurry up and help him and then when he finally does she then says “Awww, hims hurt.”

Angelica Pickles from Rugrats.

When ghost Anakin pops up at the end, she got excited that he was back to being “pretty Anakin.”

Pastel colours, the Pink Ladies from Grease, metrosexuality, and irritation.

-Greedo Shoots First - when I first showed it to her, she couldn’t tell anything was different.  When I pointed it out to her she commented that it was better the other way but wasn’t really that big a deal.

I’m back in the darkened jellyfish. It’s quivering, and I’m bewildered.

-CGI Jabba - she hated this scene commenting that it looked completely fake, more so than any other CGI in the rest of the films.

Order from chaos.

He main complaint was with how close Han seemed to be walking next to him.  She did admit that she liked being able to see him move around though.

Extra dimensions beyond space and time.

-Lapti Nek - She liked Jedi Rocks better because she said the sequence was more lively and amusing and enjoyed what she called “the outerspace version of Destiny’s Child.”

I hear Azathoth’s fluters fluting.

-Original Jedi Ending - She liked the original song better than the new one but she admitted that it was a close call.

Semblance of normality.

She preferred young Anakin because she said he was prettier and it made more sense that he would revert back to the way he looked before he turned evil.

Metrosexuality. Pink lipstick. Adam Lambert.

For her final thoughts, she said she liked The Empire Strikes Back the best.  Return of the Jedi was a close 2nd mainly because she really liked the Ewoks.  Revenge of the Sith was her 3rd favorite.  She did not assign a ranking for The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, or A New Hope.

Numerology divided by 1/2.

It was a very interesting couple of nights to say the least.  Watching the Saga with someone who has never scene them is always refreshing for the viewing experience.  I found myself apreciating things I hadn’t appreciated for a while and poking fun at things that had long since started going over my head.

I am floating in black aether. A young pre-JLP Alanis Morissette is strutting around the corner of a building in a city at night.

One of the other boards on here talks about how we need to keep the prequels away from the younger generation to keep them from tainting the minds of those that haven’t yet scene the original trilogy.  As if viewing the evil prequels will somehow retroactively male the original trilogy bad.  After this experience, I really don’t think that’s the case and while we all might have differing opinions about which films are better than others, I still think the future of fandom is in safe hands.

Satanists in black hoods. A Klansman. Yin & Yang.

There were a few earlier posts which had hints of absurdity to them, but this was the first really big one.

Of course, honourable mention should still go to this one for the blatant sexual deviancy:

DuracellEnergizer said:

I’m going to sell unauthorized shemale Leia porn to sexually confused teenage boys.

If brain-eating zombies cry for “BRAINS!”, then shouldn’t flesh-eating zombies cry for “BRAWN!”?

The fact that “Attack of the Clones” has a “fresh” consensus at rotten tomatoes just baffles the hell out of me. Revenge of the Sith even has a score of 80% fresh, which while obviously all star wars fans have issues with it I can at least understand as it really isn’t a bad film like the other two prequels were, it just isn’t a good ‘star wars’ film.

Possessed said:

The fact that “Attack of the Clones” has a “fresh” consensus at rotten tomatoes just baffles the hell out of me.

The Reptilians are in near-total control. It’s only a matter of time before Tommy Wiseau is elected president of the One World Government, and then the shit will really hit the fan.

Phantom Menace was fresh too until the 3D rerelease.

^WRONG TO!

I wish somebody’d release the original 210-minute cut of this film. The story sounds good, and I’d like to see the movie, but I’m not interested in watching a horrible cut that has most of the plot butchered out.

I wouldn’t mind being scared to death by a ghost. It’d mean there’s life after death, so I wouldn’t have anything left to be afraid of.

Even in Hal9000’s edit (the best and most balanced one IMHO), I would still give AOTC about a 79% (and yes I know that’s not how the score at RT is calculated). In it’s original form I’d give it about a 56%.

ray_afraid said:

The premiere of Ash Vs. Evil Dead was pretty damn good. Not as good as the original two films, of course, but better than Army Of Darkness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuL1xhUp0Gk