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New project: Star Wars ultramachete (bit of help needed)

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Hi every one! I’m new here.

I have been working on a new project for a while call “star wars ultramachete”. I have posted it first in the fanedit forums (where I have already receive some help) and I want to share it with you here too (and maybe have some help too). But first of all, what is star wars ultramachete?

Well everybody knows the fact that there isn’t any perfect way to watch the star wars saga. If you watch it in order of release you start in the middle of the story, see the end of the story in the third movie and then you have three left with the beginning. But if you watch it in chapter order, you have three narrative main problems: 

1. The introduction of the galaxy far far away:

If it’s your fist time with the saga and you start with episode I you don’t have any explanation of what a jedi, the force, the light saber and that world is all about. You must realize it by yourself. This is because by the time the movie was realize there were three more movies out there and it would have be redundant and a waste of time to explain that. But then, three movies later, in episode IV you have a big introduction to the GFFA, and that’s because that was the first movie and it needed it. Lame.

2. It spoils everything

From the “I’m your father”, to the twins, the first encounter with Yoda, etc, if you watch first the prequels everything in the OT is completely spoiled. 

3. The “I want to watch the saga again” problem

Ok. You love star wars and you want to watch it one more time. That’s a perfect plan for a rainy weekend. So even if you know every dialog by heart, like with any other movie or book, you can “reset” your brain and watch it almost like the first time. The problem is that when you start with episode IV, you have the whole story of Anakin fully present in mind, and then, “A New Hope” stops working. That’s because that movie was made with the intention of being seen from the point of view of Luke, without any extra information, and that’s the way the story works (and the same thing happens with Empire strikes back). So the only solution is to “reset” again the brain, and that’s not the best experience to see the saga.




So what can be done? Well the first solution came from Ernst Rister with this order (IV, V, I, II, III, VI). Yes, he introduced the prequels between Empire Strickes Back and Return of the Jedi. The point is that the prequels act like a Flashback for the story and it solves all the narrative problems explained above. But with the new solution came a new problem, and it’s that three movies for a flashback for a story of two movies it’s too much. So then, Rod Hilton came with his machete solution. This consists of eliminating episode I from Ernst Rister order. Why? Because that episode doesn’t tell much about Anakin’s story and the whole saga gets more balance; you have two movies for Luke’s story, then you have another two movies for Anakin’s story, and then Return of the Jedi acts like the end of both Luke’s and Anakin’s stories. You can read more about this here:http://www.nomachetejuggling.com/201...viewing-order/

And the new problem? Well, first of all you don’t see how the characters meet each other (which Rod Hilton considers it’s not a big deal) and second, you lose the great moments that episode I has. So, the new solution?



The ultramachete edition

This project consists in joining the phantom menace and attack of the clones in one single movie retitled “episodes III & IV The Clon Wars” (yes, I know this thing of two episodes in one movie it’s not a very elegant solution, but I want to reach to episode VI so I won’t need to change the number of the new episodes). This new movie is as long as any other star wars movie, so of course I have had to cut out a lot of things. The background of the phantom menace part has changed. Now the conflict of Naboo is part of the separatism movement led by Dooku. Queen Amidala is coming back to Naboo from Coruscant to fight with his people after failing the negotiations with the senate. Her ship has been sabotaged and has land in Tatooine. There the Jedis find Anakin. He has to win the pod race to repair the ship and gain his freedom. Everything it’s explained in the crawl. That’s the point where the movie starts. Then they go to Naboo and the big battle occurs. I have cut off all the comic scenes (from the pod race to Jar jar) since I think they don’t fit well in this edition. Then 10 years later “Attack of the clones “ begins.

There are a lot of scenes cut off here and there. The love story is told in a very minimalism way but I think it works pretty well (you will decide this).The overall experience is much more dynamic. I wanted the new movie to feel like if it has always been a single movie and not two movies joined together, and I think it does.

And here comes the first problem, because I have cut off so many scenes that later, in the next movie, Anakin’s turn to the dark side feels too poor (I know many people think this in the original movies, so imagine now). So I have had to overhaul the revenge of the sith to fix this. Now Palpatine is more proactive in Anakin’s turned. He makes Anakin see the “reality” in a way he never suspected. But let’s start with the beginning. 

Everything starts with Anakin’s mother’s death. In the “Episodes III & IV The Clon Wars” movie, when Anakin finds his mother kidnaped and she dies, in that moment he hears Palpatine voice telling him to kill everyone. This change suggests that Palpatine is behind Anakin’s mother’s kidnap to destabilize him emotionally and start controlling him and start turning him to the dark side.

Then, “Episode V The Revenge of the Sith” movie is totally overhauled, like I have said before. The story in this movie is told now by the point of view of Anakin in the dark side, or the point of view of the Sith if you prefer. After the crawl tells us that the Jedis have pass to the Dark side and have betrayed the republic and want to rule the galaxy, the movie starts with the scene of Anakin accepting Darth Sidiuos as his master and he names him Darth Vader. Then the movie jumps to the original beginning and half the movie is told as a flashback, playing with the “betrayal” idea. After Palpatine confesses Anakin that he is a Sith and so on, Anakin full of doubts tries to see the future, something he shouldn’t have done because the dark side befogs it. What Anakin perceives is the Jedi trying to take control of the republic and trying to kill him and Padme (he also sees her funeral). What he doesn’t realize, and we will see it later in the movie, is that part of what he perceived was out of context and had another meaning, and the rest is the future he is about to make.

Then, when the movie is nearing the point where it began, suddenly we are carried to a remote time a 1000 years backwards, to the end of the Sith Wars. There we can see that when the Sith were defeated, they swore revenge by waiting hidden until the chosen one appears, so they could bring him into the dark side and kill all the jedis. Then the movie comes back to the starting point and goes on. I have introduced this story inside the movie because I think it creates depth in the overall story. But wait, where did I find material of the Sith Wars to do this?

Well, I’ve used the cinematic videos of the videogame “the old republic” and edit them to create this whole new story. There’s also a narrator that tells the story in an alien language (I have used dialogs from the movie avatar for this. Since I don’t like that movie too much and I’m not going to see it again anymore I don’t mind it at all) and there are subtitles to translate her. I know that the visual aspect of these videos is too CGI, even if they are one of the best CGIs I have ever seen, but I think they are good enough, and since the prequels look too CGI too nowadays, it creates the feeling that the more the story goes backwards (from the original trilogy), the more CGI are the visuals. In any case this edition is an experiment, a proof of concept, so let’s see if you like it.

Once this is finished, the story comes back to the point where it started, and with a few cuts here and there, the rest of the movie is more or less the same than the original one.

Some people has thought that this implies that the movie portrays the Sith as the good guys and the Jedis as the bad guys. Is this true? Well, not at all.

The movie established pretty clear that the Siths are the bad guys and the Jedi the good guys. So, what is this all about? Well think this. If you were living in the galaxy, the official version would have been that the Jedis have betrayed the republic, since the Sith are the ones who have won. Well, the movie starts with this “truth” and during the first halve of the movie, which is told in flashback, it plays with this idea with the viewer. You could argue that this is manipulative, and you would be right (but if there’s a movie in the star wars saga to be manipulative with the viewer, this movie is Revenge of the Sith). 

The intention behind this is that the viewer suffers the same manipulation than Anakin, that both could have the same reasonable doubt about what’s going on. This makes a deeper connection between the viewer and Anakin, and makes the turn to the dark side more believable. Then, the viewer realizes that everything was a trick, which increases the drama.


So these are the basics ideas behind the ultramachete edition. Let’s hope you like it and/or inspire you to do new ones.

So, what’s the help needed for? Well, if you are still reading this (thank you), you will have realize that English is not my first language, so I will like any of you to read the new crawl I have wrote for both movies and correct, advise, etc, whatever you consider that deserves it.

 

Here are the cralws of the two movies that have been corrected by one person. If you think you can improve them you are welcome. In any case I have one problem with one sentence in particular In episode V the revenge of the sith wich I would like some help.

 

Episodes III & IV THE CLONE WARS


These are hard times for the Republic. More systems are aligning with Count Dooku, the leader of the separatists, who is now threatening the system of Naboo with war if they too resist joining him.

In response, Queen Amidala of Naboo has convinced the Galactic Senate to appoint her Senator as the Supreme Chancellor, but his chances to bring about peace are decreasing.

Queen Amidala has decided to return to her home planet and, escorted by two Jedi Knights, fight for her people along with the Gungan army, a native tribe of Naboo.

But sabotage has forced her ship to land on Tatooine. There, the Jedi have found a slave boy who could be the Chosen One the prophecy is predicting will bring balance to the force.

Now this child will have to risk his life and win a pod race to repair the ship and secure his freedom...



Episode V THE REVENGE OF THE SITH


Just as war was drawing to a close, the Jedi have been drawn to the Dark Side of the Force. Their attempts to betray the Republic have been thwarted by Anakin Skywalker, and the Chancellor's life has been spared.

The Jedi now seek to seize power, and they will not hesitate to kill Padme in order to destroy Anakin. His only chance is to be faithful to the Republic and follow the teachings of the Chancellor. His warnings of the Jedi's betrayal, which Anakin refused to believe, seem to be coming to fruition.

The Chancellor has proven to be an ancient Sith who swore to fight evil and defend peace and freedom. Now he is the only one who can teach Anakin the powers of the Dark Side. If Anakin can resist falling into their networks of evil, unlike the rest of Jedi, he may thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the force...

 

The problem I have here is with the last sentence. Here are the differences between the old and the new one.

OLD: Now he is the only one who can teach Anakin the powers of the dark side of the force without falling into their networks of evil, unlike the rest of Jedi, and thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the force.


NEW: Now he is the only one who can teach Anakin the powers of the Dark Side. If Anakin can resist falling into their networks of evil, unlike the rest of Jedi, he may thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the force...

Now, even if the new text is much better than mine, it changes a bit the meaning of what I wanted to say. In the new text, the chancellor teaches Anakin the dark side and then Anakin must be careful not to become evi, unlike the rest of jedi, and in the old text, the chancellor teaches Anakin the dark side but “with a technique” that saves Anakin becoming evil. So one idea is to write it like this:


Idea: Now he is the only one who can teach Anakin the powers of the Dark Side and how to resist falling into their networks of evil, unlike the rest of Jedi, …


Not sure if this is the best solution and I also don’t know how to finish the last part. Any help please?


And now the text about the Sith Wars:


Over a thousand years ago, an evilness thought to be extinct re-emerged from the shadows. They had formed a huge army. Now at last it was time to dominate the galaxy and destroy the Jedi.

After many years of battles, the Sith wars were coming to an end.

Defeated, the Sith swore they would await the arrival of the Chosen One. By trickery, they would lead him to the Dark Side. They would destroy the Jedi and would carry out his revenge...

It's not the years. It's the mileage.

 

 

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Ok. I'm transforming the 6 movies star wars saga into a five movies saga with a diferent chapter order. Episodes one and two  are going to be now a single movie call "Episodes III & IV The Clone Wars", and episode III is now "Episode V The Revenge of the Sith".

I have also made new cralws form them but since English is not my first language  I need a bit of help. Someone has helped me but there is a problem with one sentence because the meaning has been changed. here it is:

MINE: Now he is the only one who can teach Anakin the powers of the dark side of the force without falling into their networks of evil, unlike the rest of Jedi, and thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the force.


NEW: Now he is the only one who can teach Anakin the powers of the Dark Side. If Anakin can resist falling into their networks of evil, unlike the rest of Jedi, he may thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the force...

Now, even if the new text is much better than mine, it changes a bit the meaning of what I wanted to say. In the new text, the chancellor teaches Anakin the dark side and then Anakin must be careful not to become evil, unlike the rest of jedi, and in the old text, the chancellor teaches Anakin the dark side but “with a technique” that saves Anakin becoming evil. So one idea is to write it like this:


Idea: Now he is the only one who can teach Anakin the powers of the Dark Side and how to resist falling into their networks of evil, unlike the rest of Jedi, …

Not sure if this is the best solution and I also don’t know how to finish the last part. Any help please?

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 (Edited)

"Networks"is a really off word in this context (but as English isn't your first language who can blame you for not noticing??).

Here is a quick stab I made. These crawls are still too long though.

Episodes III & IV THE CLONE WARS


It is a perilous time for the Republic. More systems are rallying to the Separatist Confederacy led by Count Dooku. Threatening the system of Naboo with war if they resist joining their cause.

In response, Queen Amidala of Naboo has convinced the Galactic Senate to appoint the Senator of Naboo as the Supreme Chancellor, but his chances to bring about peace are decreasing. Returning to her home world and, escorted by two Jedi Knights, the Queen hopes to liberate her people with aid from the native Gungan army.

Sabotage has forced her ship to land on Tatooine. There, the Jedi have found a slave boy who could be the Chosen One long prophesied to bring balance to the Force. This child will have to risk his life and win a pod race to repair the ship and secure freedom for himself and the galaxy...



Episode V THE REVENGE OF THE SITH


Just as war was drawing to a close, the Jedi have been drawn to the Dark Side of the Force. Their attempts to betray the Republic have been thwarted by Anakin Skywalker, and the Chancellor's life has been spared.

The Jedi now seek to seize power and will not hesitate to kill Padme in order to destroy Anakin. His only chance is to be faithful to the Republic and follow the teachings of the Chancellor.

The Chancellor has revealed himself to be a Lord of the ancient Sith order, pledged to fight corruption and provide strength and stability to the war weary peoples of the galaxy. He is the only one who can induct Anakin into the mysteries of the Dark Side. If Anakin can resist falling to the same evil as his former comrades he may thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the Force...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6Dp2OfIT_M

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Interesting ideas. Do you have any clips you can show us?

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@Bingowings

Thank you very much Bingowings. I think that's great.

 

Now, there's still a problem with the last sentence. When it says: "He is the only one who can induct Anakin into the mysteries of the Dark Side. If Anakin can resist falling to the same evil as his former comanders he may thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the force..."

 

This changes the meaning I wanted to say.I want the chancellor to teach Anaking the Dark Side but with the ability to not becoming evil. In your sentence a reader understansd that Anakin himself must avoy becoming evil and I want to stablish that the chancellor's lessons are the ones who make that.

Can any one help here please?

 

@daneditor

I'm sorry daneditor, I have no clips, but because of the nature of the project, I don't think they would help at all, since they would look like a trailer of the original movies. It's the overall experience which changes the meaning and tone of the movies.

 

In any case, the project is almost finished, so if anyone helps me with that last sentence in the crawl, I hope to have the movies ready to watch in a few days.

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Thank you again Bingowings, but the problem is a bit earlier, in the previous sentence. That "point" separetes the two sentences and I would need something like this:

 

He is the only one who can induct Anakin into the mysteries of the Dark Side AND HOW TO resist the lure of evil, SO he may thus achieve peace, save Padme, and bring balance to the Force...

 

But I'm not sure if this is correct or proper.

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This episodic re-arrangement is a good idea as you are totally correct that it ruins the entire "Saga" in the order that it is currently told in.

I am a great believer in phantom menace and attack of the clones as 1 movie or all 3 films PT films as one movie.

Let that machete fly razil