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My Prequel Treatments

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 (Edited)

STAR WARS

 Episode One

 “Never thought of a title”

 

It is a time of chaos. The ancient Repuplic Galactica is in decline and its once mighty army is withdrawing to the galactic center due to external threats and internal corruption..

 

In the Galactic Rim worlds continue to fall to the clone armies of the Far Outlyers, fierce invaders from beyond the farthest edge of the Republic.

 Leaders of dozens of star systems meet on the planet of Aquillae to plan their defense against the oncoming horde...

 

The film opens on the planet Aquilae. Prince Bail Organa of Alderaan (25), a charming man in regal clothes, is there to plan with the leaders of the other planets in the area a mutual defense plan against the encroaching Outlyers. When King Kaylos of Aquliae suggests that they need to petition the Republic for defense, Bail replies that "The White Legions of the Republic are not likely to return." Overall Bail is pessimistic and noncommittal in the face of the endless waves of cloned shock troopers the Outlyers possess.

 

Suddenly the city receives an orbital bombardment. A hologram reports that Condawn has fallen and that the Outlyers are here! The attack is being led by Commodore Lokheid, a sadistic and cruel Outlyer in burnished silver armor. The Clone Shocktroopers wear simpler grey armor.

 

Bail flees with some of his bodyguards, the Rangers, including Ranger Arcadia (female, 19) and the grizzled veteran Ranger Thorpe (male 60s). Almost break the blockade in Bail's spaceship but are captured before they can make the jump to hyperdrive by the massive shark like Outlyer flagship. They are boarded by the clone shocktroops and Ranger Thorpe is killed by another outlyer in a horned helmet when his blaster bolts deflect off the man's thick armor and is stabbed by the blades on his forearms.

 

Ranger Arcadia is thrown into the dungeon, where in the next cell she meets Obi-Wan Kenobi (bearded, mid-30s), Jedi Knight. He was captured at the Battle of  Condawn. Meanwhile Bail is confronted by Lord Ruthven, the red-armored leader of the Outlyers (the same one who killed Throper). Ruthven is a massive man, bearded and extremely tall; a barbarian king in the vein of Atilla or Ghengis Khan; brutal but not without wisdom.  He has one goal- power, and no scruples stand in his way. Ruthven is accompanied by his son, Woyric (late 20s). In contrast to his father, Woyric is clearly insane, almost frothing at the mounth when angered, which is frequent. Woryric wears intricately decorated golden armor.

 

Bail tells Ruthven he has no intention of fighting in the aid of Aquilae, that Alderaan has always beleived in a Live and Let Live policy. Back in the dungeon, Ranger Arcadia (who confesses this is her first mission as a Ranger) convinces Obi-Wan to help her escape. With almost comic ease he does so, and reveals the only reason he had been allowing himself to be held captive was in the hope he would be brought face-to-face with Lord Ruthvin. He's extremely confident; a James Bond type.

 

Obi-Wan gets out, eliminated the guard and gets his lightsaber from lock-up, and while he and Arcadia flee they encounter Bail, who was being taken to the brig. They rescue Bail, kill some guards, and break into the hangar, where they steal a small ship and make a quick jump to hyperspace. Lord Ruthven is furious and sends his son to apprehend them.

 

Coming out of hyperspace, Obi-Wan crash-lands on the planet Tatooine. Obi-Wan crashed the ship intentionally, knowing it was being tracked. Bail does NOT like Obi-Wan, but realized he's in the Jedi's hands. It comes ou that the Jedi are being encouraged by the Republic not to go to the border systems, but remain close to the Galactic Hub and protect them. Obi-Wan has no time for politics. Bail believes that every system needs to see to their own defense, and that attacking the Outlyers is madness.

 

Back on Aquilae, Lord Ruthven is digging in with the construction of a massive Orbital Cannon. The pieces are being lowered from orbit from the Outlyer Flagship. Floating around the incomplete canon on a hovering platform along with Lokheid and King Kaylos, Ruthven declared to the gathered mob that Aquilae will be the bulwark from which all other Rim worlds will fall. He demands that King Kaylos swear fealty to him, and when Kaylos refuses Ruthven snaps his neck and hurls the body down the barrel of the canon.

 

Back on Tatooine, the first structure our heroes come to is the moisture farm of Owen Lars (35) and his wife Beru Skywalker-Lars (early 20s). The farmstead is several small decrepit structures of prefabricated housing. They are recent immigrants to Tatooine, fleeing the carnage of war on their home planet. Obi inquires after a ship, and they say that Anakin, Beru's twin brother, is a pilot with his own ship and is in town delivering medical supplies.

 

While medical supplies may be on the manifest too, Anakin also delivers spice, booze, hardware, guns, and whatever else might turn a quick profit. Perhaps it’s one of these things that has him in the middle of a barfight (real Old West style) when Obi-Wan and Arcadia find him. He's doing well in a 1-vs-9 fight (almost unnaturally well), but they help him out and carry him home.

 

Anakin is a young man of mercurial temperaments, and hates Tatooine with a passion. Obi-Wan offers him cash and adventure for a lift to Alderaan, and Anakin's only concern is leaving his sister. Beru encourages him to go, because "building a life from nothing isn't the path for everyone." Anakin agrees to take them in his ship, "The Angel Blue." That night, while Anakin, Owen, and Bail prep the ship and Beru and Arcadia briefly bond (Beru explains her hopes of having a family and building something of worth), and Obi Wan stands watch.

 

This is when Woyric and his squadron of 20 clone troops attack. There's a classic settler vs. bandit shootout before our heroes jump into the shiny new landspeeder (which audiences will recognize from the OT) and lead the Outlyer troops away. Anakin drives into a canyon, where he leads the villains into a confrontation with some kind of desert creature (perhaps a Krayt dragon!). With the enemy halted, the heroes go back to the homestead, which is burning.

 

Owen says to Obi "You've brought trouble to my home. I never want to see you again." Bail is deeply moved by the carnage; good people losing everything, and Anakin slips his entire cash payment to his sister and embraces her before they launch off.

 

 

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ACT TWO

 

Flying away from Tatooine, Bail is insisting he be dropped off at the Oxus Space Station to arrange his own passage back to Alderaan and see to his world’s defense. At the station they encounter the endless stream of refugees from worlds ravaged by the Outlyers. The sea of broken ships and broken people move Bail, who tells Obi-Wan it’s time to fight.

 

Bail contact the leaders of the other Rim worlds, including the Kane Whitsun of Ondos and Lord General Palpatine of Had Abadon (75) .he gives a rousing speech somewhere between the St. Crispin's day speech, and Jacks "Live together. die alone" speech on Lost. Out of the dozen leaders, only Whitsun and Palpatine agree to send aid immediately.

  

Back on Aquilae the Orbital Cannon is complete. Ruthven demonstrates it by an occupied Aquilae space-station.

  

The leaders of the free worlds meet briefly on Oxus and discuss battle tactics. Palpatine particuarly has a keen mind for war. It is a two pronged attack. The Had Abadon fleet will engage the blockage and try to make an opening for several ships loaded with soldiers that will attempt to land nead the Orbital Cannon and disable it. The troops from Ondos will engage the Outlyers ship-to-ship and attempt to board and disable the Flagship.

 

The battle begins. Anakin, along with Bail and as many Alderaanian troops as can fit, flies the "Angel Blue" through the blockade. He's the most amazing pilot and evades everything from the capital ships, through the orbital blockage, and one-on-one fighters in the atmosphere. None of the other landing craft make it.

  

Finally he crashed down through the giant skylight in the Aquilae Palace. Like a WWII amphibious lander the soldiers stream out and begin engaging the Outlyer troops in the palace.

 

In space, the TIE fighters of Had Abadon engage the Outlyer starfighters.

 

Obi, Arcadia, and a contingent of troops from Ondos engage and manage to board the Outlyer flagship. Obi-Wan FINALLY busts lose with his light saber. He's a whirling dervish of blue light, destroying everything in his path.

 

Back in the palace, Bail and Anakin and the troops try to seize control of the Orbital Cannon, which they expect to be lightly guarded (since no ship could possibly manage a safe landing near it). They are surprised to encounter Woyric, apparently having survived the Krayt Dragon, evidenced by massive wounds on the side of his head. He unleashes rockets and grenades, bringing down half the building on Anakin and the gang.

 

On the flagship, Obi-Wan and Arcadia reach the bridge. Ruthven himself opens the blastdoors, knocks Arcadia halfway across the room with a backhand, and attacks Obi-Wan, revealing that his armor appears to be lightsaber proof.

 

Pinned under the wreckage of the palace, Anakin reaches for his blaster but can’t get his fingers quite to it. Woyric laughs maniacally and picks up Bail by the throat, taunting Anakin that he will watch his friends die. Pinned by the wreckage Anakin reaches and reaches for the gun, until finally it seems to almost fly into his hand. Shouting for the mad Woyric’s attention, Anakin shoots him in the head.

 

Bail contacts Arcadia. The Outlyers still outnumber them, and their only hope is to destroy the flagship, even with the boarding party on it. Any second the Outlyers could regroup and press the advantage. Arcadia tells him to use the Orbital Cannon on the flagship. Bail gives them ten minutes.

 

Obi-Wan engages Lord Ruthven in a one-on-one fight, lightsaber vs. bad-ass armor with blades on the forearms. During this battle the controls on the bridge are destroyed and the Flagship begins to crash towards the surface.

 

            BAIL (on radio): You have 5 minutes left to evacuate that ship.

            ARCADIA: Change of plans! You have about two minutes to get the hell away from that cannon!!

 

As most of the Ondos soldiers and Clones shoot out of the escape pods, Obi-Wan and Ruthven battle to the death on the bridge. Arcadia refuses to leave him, and Obi-Wan force pushes her into an escape pod and launches it.

 

The Outlyer Commodore Lokheid, in his starfighter, sees the Flagship enter the atmosphere and start to burn, and chooses to escape into hyperspace. Many ships follow him and the tide appears to turn to our heroes favor.

 

Oblivious to the ship crashing, Obi-Wan continue to battle, each taking as well as they get. Obi-Wan manages to disarm Ruthven with two surgical slices removing the forearm armor, and Ruthven drops to his knees, ready to face a warrior’s death as the crash-lands directly into the Orbital Cannon.

 

In the flaming debris of the crashed Flagship Anakin, Bail, and Arcadia search for Obi-Wan, who they find beat up, burned, but still in good spirits. Lord Ruthven is dead and the rest of the Outlyers flee.

 

Anakin tells Obi-Wan what happened with the blaster moving, and Obi-Wan says that the Force is strong with him, and he should join him and train to be a Jedi Knight.

 

In the ruins of the Palace Bail, Whitsun, Palpatine, and others sign a treaty pledging themselves to each other’s mutual defense as Obi, Arcadia, and Anakin look on proudly. The music swells… …

 

CREDITS

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The War Are you focusing on the Clone Wars?

"The Clone Wars" is the general name given to a series of conflicts over two decades between the Republic and outlying barbarians called the Outlyers.

Who are the Clones?

The Outlyers use cloned shocktroopers to overwhelm Republic worlds. Apparently only they posses the technology.

Does the Republic have its own army, or do each of the independent planets have their own armies?

The Republic indeed has its own army ("The White Legions") but they have withdrawn from the outer rim worlds, so each planet has been looking after itself, akin to Rome abandoning Britain and Gaul.

When did/does the War start?

The Outlyers became a major problem at an undisclosed time in the past.

Do you show Obi-Wan receiving training from Yoda?

No, but his name is dropped.

Do you show Anakin receiving training from Obi-Wan?

It happens between Ep. 1 and 2.

Are Obi-Wan and Anakin friends? When do they have the chance to establish this friendship

Best pals and partners with a bond that grows during the long hard war.

How many years before Episode 4 does your story take place and how old are the main characters?

Ep. 1 is about 35-40 years before "Star Wars." We meet Obi in his early 30s and Anakin at 20.

Will you show Yoda?

Nope.

Will you have surprises in your new PT? Will it affect anything that we thought we already knew in the OT?

Nothing in the OT will need to be reevaluated in lieu of what the PT shows.

What is the Galaxy's general response to Jedi? Are they all assumed to be heroes?

Jedi are great heroes, but their name conjurs up ideas of a better age. They are few and far between, especially in worlds far from the Republic center.

Xhonzi's questionaire about PT rewrites. I answered the ones that apply to my Episode 1 treatment, which still needs a title.

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This treatment is sorely lacking two things... drouds and aliens.

ALIENS:

Both the Tatooine barfight scene, and the massive trading post of Oxus would be great places to have lots of alien races interact.

DROIDS:

I think the best place to add a droid character would be for King Kaylos of Aquilae to have a personal valet-droid, who then serves the new leader of Aquilae in the final scene (helping the audience identify some new character as the new king).

Also, I think it would be cool if the Larses had a totally broken down droid (one arm, eye lights that flicker) that helped around the farm and talked with a broken voicebox. During the shootout with the Outlyers it could buy the farm.

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 (Edited)

TheBoost said:

Also, I think it would be cool if the Larses had a totally broken down droid (one arm, eye lights that flicker) that helped around the farm and talked with a broken voicebox. During the shootout with the Outlyers it could buy the farm.

So the Lars would work for their own droid?

;-)

I tease, but I think your treatment is much more like Star Wars than TPM. Maybe a bit too close to Star Wars, actually. I like the idea that your prequels tell a story and doesn't have to reference the originals all of the time and fits more in line with them (extinct Jedi, keeps Yoda a surprise). I think the biggest thing is how you will handle Anakin's turn while keeping the identity of Vader a secret, if you're going for that.

“005 is super hep” - dahmage

Star Wars Revisited Wordpress / Facebook / Twitter

005’s List of List & Comparisons

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doubleofive said:



I tease, but I think your treatment is much more like Star Wars than TPM. Maybe a bit too close to Star Wars, actually.

 

It does definitely follow a similar structure, I'll give you that, although I didn't realize how similar until you mentioned it. I'll have to consider that as I polish it up.  Don't want it to feel like a remake.

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Changes for the next draft:

Elimination of Tatooine as a setting. Combine that story point with the refugees at the Oxus station.

Oxus is now a planet with refugee camps on it. Instead of crashing, Obi takes the gang there to try and hide in the teeming thousands. It should play similar to my previous Tatooine sequence, with the money Bail pays Anakin going to his sister and her husband so they can buy passage to Tatooine and get that farm they want.

Benefits

  • Bail's emotional awakening to the real cost of war will happen during this sequence, which he's actually a part of instead of just seeing it.
  • No reusing an OT setting.
  • Less overall story similarity to "Star Wars"
  • If Anakin literally was never on Tatooine, it explains why Obi thinks its a good place to hide lil' Luke.

 

There will need to be some kind of new action sequences to replace the Farmstead shootout and the Krayt Dragon ambush.

New Character: Alpha-G2.

Personal droid valet to King Kaylos of Aquilae. Alpha is charming and elegant, as if David Niven was a droid.

Benefits

  • Give us a recurring character on Aquilae when we go back to that story.
  • A less serious character, a bit of comic relief.
  • He and Arcadia can chat during the opening scene (each escorting their Prince) to get some vital exposition out, and can be seperated by the attack, to be reuinited at the conclusion.

 

Thoughts on the Orbital Cannon:

The climatic battle is a little muddled because of the two seperate objectives- taking the Flagship and disabling the Orbital Cannon.

The Cannon serves three main narrative purposes.

  1. It is the ticking clock that makes it so that our heroes can't delay and muster their forces.
  2. It gives Anakin something to do during the climax that seperates him from Obi (he's the only pilot who could break through the blockade).
  3. It gives the Outlyers a reason to stop their advance at Aquilae for the time being.

 

On the other hand, it's very Death Star-esque.

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Its not so much Tattooine as a setting though. Obi-wan says that "[Owen] felt [Anakin] should have stayed here and not gotten involved." Tattooine needs to be a setting.

That still makes me mad about the movies. We have a perfectly reasonable explanation from Obi-wan why Owen seems to hate him, but it looks from the PT like the truth is that Obi-wan was lying because Owen cared nothing for Anakin and was probably mad at Obi-wan for leaving them a whiny baby and wandering off into the desert.

“005 is super hep” - dahmage

Star Wars Revisited Wordpress / Facebook / Twitter

005’s List of List & Comparisons

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doubleofive said:

Obi-wan says that "[Owen] felt [Anakin] should have stayed here and not gotten involved." Tattooine needs to be a setting.

Good point. If I keep Tattooine, I think making it a staging point for refugees is a good idea, in that it still lets Bail be an active part of the refugee situation and that has an emotional effect on him. It also lets Obi-Wan intentionally go to Tattooine, instead of crash landing their like the droids in "Star Wars."

More changes

The barfight on Tattooine. A wacky Cantina scene on Tattooine is repetitive, and yet I want Anakin's entrance to show that he's a dude with some bad habits.

Possible replacement: Anakin is bringing in some medical supplies and booze into town, and runs afoul of some goons who already own both of those rackets, and they're beating him up in an alley when Obi-Wan meets him.

(I have another week to get the second draft done, then I'm on Summer vacation and will be focusing my creative juices on my own novel.)

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TheBoost said:

STAR WARS

 Episode One

 “Never thought of a title” 

 

 ... "The Fandom Menace"

?

 

 

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A couple notes on my PT re-writes before I post my Episode II "The Princess of Ondos" treatment in a couple days.

  • CLONES: The Clone Armies of the Outlyers are a genetically engineered race, with different breeds for different tasks. There’s a fighter pilot clone-caste, an infantry clone-cast, and a capital ship crew clone-caste. They’re a neuter race, and in contrast to the dark haired Outlyers all have shock-white hair and solid white eyes. All clones are male.

 

  • JEDI: We don’t see much of the Jedi in Ep.1 (only Obi), and a few more in Ep. 2. They’re not monks, but more like knight-errants. It’s considered a life of sacrifice and service, and while some disapproval is voiced about Anakin’s strong passions and temper, no specific taboos are mentioned greater than a general warning about The Dark Side.
  • There is a loose hierarchy including a High Master who lives at the Jedi chapterhouse on Couruscant (briefly mentioned in Ep.2) and a tradition that certain Jedi decide to renounce their roles and go off to live as hermits and commune with the Force. Yoda is mentioned as having done this in the past (never seen) and Master Valor is having a goodbye party at the start of Ep 2. Many Jedi serve as the special body-guard of the President of the Senate. 
  • There is no specific Jedi uniform, but most wear cloaks, hoods, robes, and sometimes light armor. “The Clone Wars” TV show has a great look for Jedi battle wear.

 

 

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I like that you've gone a different route with the clones instead of rehashing stormtroopers/Boba like GL did. I would like to see something totally new in the PT with respect to the clones.

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You have, and I 100% agree with you.  Not only is Kenobi a liar, but he is a horrible hider of things:

Kenobi:

I know!  I'll hide the boy on his father's home planet, under his real surname, with his real (step)uncle!  No ONE will EVER find him then!  But, just in case someone does...  I'll be nearby to make sure that I can use Luke's grief about his dead (step) aunt and uncle to go and get revenge!  But if I'm going to hide out here, I'd better wear my official Jedi uniform and change my first name.  Yeah... that's the ticket!

IT'S MY TRILOGY, AND I WANT IT NOW!

"[George Lucas] rebooted the franchise in 1997 without telling anyone." -skyjedi2005

"Yeah, well, George says a lot of things..." a young 1997 xhonzi on RASSM

"They're my movies." -George Lucas. 19 people won oscars for their work on Star Wars (1977) and George Lucas wasn't one of them.

Rewrite the Prequels!

 

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doubleofive said:

I never liked that Obi-wan's outfit in ANH became the Official Jedi Uniform even though Owen wears the same thing. Have I said that already?

I agree, but I also don't think there should be an "official Jedi uniform."  The only uniform any Jedi should wear would be whatever uniform the Knights (yes, I'm making a distinction between Knights and Masters) wear while fighting in the Clone Wars.

a trolling bantha

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Well, well, well...

If it's not ChainsawAsh... slumming in rewrite.

Now the Circle is complete.

[/snark]

Welcome to the threads, Ash.

IT'S MY TRILOGY, AND I WANT IT NOW!

"[George Lucas] rebooted the franchise in 1997 without telling anyone." -skyjedi2005

"Yeah, well, George says a lot of things..." a young 1997 xhonzi on RASSM

"They're my movies." -George Lucas. 19 people won oscars for their work on Star Wars (1977) and George Lucas wasn't one of them.

Rewrite the Prequels!

 

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Haha, yeah - I figured, why not?  I may not have all my ideas fleshed out yet, but I can contribute to others' ideas - and maybe get inspired by them as well.

You'll be seeing more of me around here in the near future...

a trolling bantha

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ChainsawAsh said:

doubleofive said:

I never liked that Obi-wan's outfit in ANH became the Official Jedi Uniform even though Owen wears the same thing. Have I said that already?

I agree, but I also don't think there should be an "official Jedi uniform."  The only uniform any Jedi should wear would be whatever uniform the Knights (yes, I'm making a distinction between Knights and Masters) wear while fighting in the Clone Wars.

Totally agree! =)