If you need to B*tch about something... this is the place — Page 40

D_E speaks truth. A lot of stuff can be done anonymously. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the position of being the villain in order to do the right thing. The people who actually matter will come around eventually, even if they're angry at first.

The part about victims is also true. The whole stereotype of a woman going back to the guy who beats her because "he's so sweet when he's not bashing my face in" is there for a reason; it's shitty, but it happens over and over and retraumatizes everyone involved. You can tell she's not filing the restraining orders for the "right" reasons, because she's prioritizing the cheatings (which she likely blames the other women for) over the beatings (which she likely sees as her fault); I'm inferring a bit there, but in my experience...

Either way, the kids are going to need so much therapy. I can just see these poor kids growing up to do just what's happening now to their own kids, and then those kids doing it to their kids... it's incredible how perfectly these situations mirror one another from generation to generation, and how it's such an unconscious thing that it's almost "fated" to happen (unless one of the kids is imbued with an incredible sense of insight and breaks the cycle); the boy grow up to be an abuser of people and substances in an attempt to regulate the emotions he has no control over, and the girls grow up to seek men like that on a subconscious level, because that's the only male figure they've ever known.

Regardless, they need the counselling now, while we can still feel sorry for them, before they're old enough to get the point where they become the problem like their parents are (no offense Warbs).

I'm not saying this to pressure Warbs or anything, just continuing the conversation because it's something I'm incredibly passionate about. This is a delicate situation, and Warbs has to do what he thinks is the right thing to do.

As an aside: This is why people need to take advantage of birth control.

Birth control, birth control, birth control. Please.

Especially if you have the presence of mind to realize you're screwed up. Having kids isn't something you do willy-nilly and let come what may; having kids is a huge responsibility, because you are not only altering your future, but the future of your children, and the future of people that they come into contact with. If you abuse your kids, you're effectively abusing their kids, and their significant others.

This isn't stuff you mess with, so you better be one hundred percent goddamn sure you're ready to have kids before you go fucking around without protection. I wanna strike people who give that "well we've been doing it without protection for like three months now and she hasn't gotten pregnant yet" because it's gonna fucking happen at some point. Birth control is cheap; a box of condoms or the pill/morning after pill* is nothing compared to the price of an abortion, or the cost of birthing a child, or adoption costs, or raising that child.

Factor in the cost to society of the kid being raised by the 17 year-old girl who brings home some stoner asshole 25 year old dude with no job who beats her and has three other girls knocked up on the side and all involved in that cycle of shit and the condoms are basically free in comparison. Yeah, sometimes you get the guy who cures cancer out of this shitpile, but I don't want to pay for the hundred thousand other kids who will be in and out of jail for hitting cops and beating someone else's daughters and raising more of this useless ilk just to get that one gem.

*I also wish people would get it through their heads that the morning after pill is not an abortion pill. All it is, is just a higher dosage of the normal pill and works the exact same way; by impairing implantation, not by interfering with an existing pregnancy. We need to be able to get it over the counter everywhere, and we need to educate people about all of this so we can stop this bullshit cycle of abusers pumping out kids that they'll in turn abuse.

Yeah, it sounds like the situation is in hand for now, I just get really passionate about things like this and tend to rant.

darth_ender said:

For my own whine session, I caught the most awful computer virus.  I've handled viruses before (not that I'm all that savvy, but I've found the right tools to take care of it).  This one was really a doozie, though.  It started as just a supposed FBI warning that turned on my camera and stated I had done some illegal activities and needed to pay a fine.  I had to do a hard shut down and start in safe mode.  The program disabled any kind of security software I had and wouldn't allow me to use it or even update it.  After various tricks, it seemed like I'd gotten it all, but still my security programs were not usable, though online scanners were finding nothing.  Finally I found a site that recommended a rootkit removal tool from Kaspersky, and that seemed to do the trick.  Everything was freed up and several new viruses were discovered.  Oh my gosh, this has been a nightmare to clean up!  And I wasn't even going to sites that I would consider dangerous or harboring viruses!  I think the nightmare's over though, thank heavens!

Easiest way to solve any virus issue is to have a complete disk image backup of your computer. Setup your computer exactly how you want it and create the back up...then once you have a virus or a software issue you can just completely restore your hard disk to how it was originally (Note: this is NOT like System Restore on Windows). I use Acronis True Image.

I do this all the time when I have huge projects that result in tons of extra files and programs scattered on my desktop. Then I just save the files I want to an external hard drive and restore to the original state.

Bingo has a point as well. Ubuntu is pretty easy to use if you are a long time windows user and has less issues (plus it's free and open source).

Bingowings said:

Tonight has been the better half F'ing and Blinding at the top of his voice about enzymes and esters (soused again).

What is it about reasonably well educated drunks that makes them marginally more annoying than ignorant ones?

Maybe the fact that he's not conforming to your expectations?

Bingowings said:

Tonight has been the better half F'ing and Blinding at the top of his voice...

I'm a bit confused about what this means.

It's English!

Bingo, you should have a chat with the fellow, see if he won't take it down a few notches for you.

Sounds like he might not be very respectful of your feelings.

Something to consider.

To Tyrphanax you listen! Jeez. Drinking like that the guy must get killer hangovers... hopefully he's not the grouchy type with those.

To go into it a bit further as I'm just home from class and have more time, alcohol addiction is a pretty serious disease that can have major impact on not only the physical and psychological health of the addict, but also the emotional, and often physical and psychological if the addicted is abusive, health of loved ones.

I would say the man is quite possibly within the definition of an addict, especially if he continues to use despite consequences. Perhaps he's still at the stage where he's able to hold it together and thinks he's hiding it from most people, but I feel like his treatment (id est, disregard) of Bingo's repeatedly-stated concerns is telling and makes for a patently unhealthy relationship.

He needs treatment. I'm not sure what kind of addiction treatment they have in England, but it can't be much different than what we have in America; some form of a Twelve-Step program would be excellent, as long as he gets a sponsor and actively works with them to combat his disease, otherwise he is not really in treatment and is not going to stay off the booze for any significant period of time.

Unfortunately, as with most addicts (especially alcoholics), this man does not feel like he has a problem, and often times, there are two ways addicts realize they do have a problem, those being when they hit absolute rock bottom and have that epiphany in the mirror one morning when they realize they're killing themselves and ruining their life and the lives of their loved ones; or, when their loved ones create consequences for the actions of the addict by leaving and severing contact with them until they have made significant progress in the treatment of their addiction (not just empty promises to "stop" or "cut back" because addicts lie, and that's the blunt truth). In either case, it is unfortunate that it has to reach such an extreme point, but those are really the only ways: you can't change someone who is unwilling to change, and the addict must be willing to seek and commit to treatment.

Oh yeah, that's right. My apologies. I knew it was one of them places and that England didn't feel quite right as I was typing it...

Irregardless.

I won't tell you what to do because I don't know the situation beyond what you've shared with us internet people, but I will say: Don't over-rationalize things if the situation continues to deteriorate; if it's bad, it's bad, and you deserve to be treated better. Don't hold on with the excuse of "well I've already invested so much time that it would be a waste to throw it all away" because you can only waste more time. Don't hold on with any excuses, really.

Work on becoming more financially independent if you can, and do try to get him some help if you believe he'll be receptive and willing because he really does need it, and I can tell you care a great deal for him, and if he cares for you then he'll be willing to make changes for the both of you and your relationship; but don't spend your life trying to change someone who isn't willing to change.

Matters of the heart are tough, especially when complexities are involved. I know them feels, bro.