If you need to B*tch about something... this is the place — Page 107

You might need to try another doctor.  I don't believe that you can be denied antidepressants if you were hospitalized for a suicide attempt, unless you already have the money to pay for them.

If you are on your own at the moment I suggest you get yourself in company.

If you have thoughts of this nature it's harder to act them out if you are in the company of someone else.

There are advice lines to call.

Remember suicide is no matter how desperate you feel now is an act of murder against the happier you, you could be.

I'd also advise moving to a place where your mental health isn't dependent on how much cash you spend.

Yeah I am trying the trouble is I am completely broke.  That tends to happen when you are out of work for three years.

I will be talking to my doctor again tomorrow.  it's just a depressing marry go round right now.  Thanks for the advice and help.

A depressing merry-go-round--a new oxymoron!

Seriously, though, I wish you the best of luck in getting back on those meds. It sounds like life hasn't treated you terribly well in the past few years, and I will be praying for you.

Thanks a bunch for understanding.

The worst thing to encounter with this problem are people and doctors who just tell you "get a job" or "stop being depressed" or "Learn to stay focused on a task or thought",if I could do those things I wouldn't have a problem it's the fact that I can't that is the problem.

Thanks for all the help and advice.

Yeah, I know what you mean, even if I've never been in a situation like yours.

Love and support from a fellow who feels the same way you do and is going through what you are going through.  I too lost my job because of the way I feel.  And you are right... depression isn't something that people that don't have it can ever understand.  They expect you to just snap out of it and "suck it up"... it doesn't work that way and it doesn' thelp when they say things like that.

My sister has been bed ridden with it for almost two years. It is a genuine illness but all these people saying "get over it", "pull yourself together" etc while insensitive have a point.

Depression is a feedback loop.

Do you know the classic illustration of the ugly chap looking in the mirror and grimacing at his ugliness and becoming more ugly and then grimacing more etc?

Well it's like that.

You are in a situation of negative introspection which makes you feel bad and find more things to feel bad about the more you look.

You need to break the chain. Do unusual things, be around unusual people and to introduce novel and varied feelings into you mind (even if it's differently bad ones) so should you become introspective you aren't just gazing down the rabbit hole of the same old despair.

Forcing yourself out there is bloody hard work but you have to keep doing it. The good news is it becomes habit forming after a while and before you know it you are reasonably functioning again.

Well, in addition to all the depression issues I already have, plus my parents recent (one sided from my mom... as it turns out she's been having an affair for a long time and just now in the last month had the guts to come clean about it to the whole family.  Which is the only time she's even spoken to the family in years, she finally breaks the silence to let us know shed been having an affair), and my grandfather's death soon to come from a terminal brain tumor, and his wife, my grandma's, soon death from MS which she's been pushing the life expectancy on for years, it has now come to my attention that somebody that I thought was one of my best friends was really just using me for sex.

Let me back up and tell this story.

I had started working this job over a year ago.  At that time my parents separation was still very new and my grandpa had just been getting sick.  So I was in a really vulnerable and weak place at that time.  There was this lady who I worked with that was a sortof older lady, not old but middle aged.  Middle aged in years, not in looks, she looked great.  (this may seem like a weird detail to include, but it's important)  Anyway we worked together alot, and we became good friends.  Seemingly anyway.  I ended up confiding in her about my parents and all the other stuff and she was very supportive and sweet and good about it.  She started telling more about herself and we sortof bonded.  At least it seemed that way.  By about 6 months in we were kinda like best friends I guess you could say.  (Keep in mind that I'm 20 years old and she's 51 but looks like she's about 30 or so... easily)  She wasn't like a mother to me, but she was a little bit like a mentor.  Well anyway, she was my best friend.  I wasn't in love with her or anything, but she was my best friend.  But one night she hit on me, and assured me that it would be okay and we were just two friends helping each other out.  It was a red flag and I knew it was a bad idea.  I knew we obviously had no future together given the age difference, but since I did care about her and she was good looking I decided to just give in.  Because for another thing, she was important to me, and I was afraid shooting her down would have made her feel rejected and awkward to the point of not talking to me anymore.  (not a good reason to have sex with somebody I know, but like I said it was a weak point in my life and I was lonely).  We had it regularly for about a month.  Then one day she just told me to back off and leave her alone.  No explanation.  She wouldn't talk to me anymore and she suddenly wasn't my friend.  It wouldn't have been a big deal, but she had been my best friend for a long time, and all the sudden I had no best friend and she all the sudden didn't give a shit about me at all.

So, given the unsmooth nature of the break off, and her sudden, uncaring change of attitude, I have no choice but to assume she had just been using me the whole time to get me in bed.  I know that kind of shit happens, but posing as my best friend for months before was a really dirtball thing to do I think.  I don't think it was an accident that just happened, it seems deliberate now that I think back on it.

Fucking whore.  Now I feel horrible and empty.  Not of a broken heart, just an empty one.  Like I said she'd been my (supposed) best friend for about a year and all the sudden she's not there and apparently never gave a shit.

What gets me is that she KNEW what I was going through and she did that anyway.  Oh well I guess.  Not the end of the world, but it really fucking sucks.  It shows that it's the quality of friends you have, not the quantity.  In high school I was the popular type, and it got me nothing but a bunch of meaningless aquaintencships.  And this bit me in the ass because when I thought I finially had something real I was so glad that I couldn't see that it wasn't real either.

Live and learn I suppose.

See this is why you need to (at the risk of sounding insensitive) get out more.

You have a lousy self esteem as displayed by giving into a sexual advance you really didn't want.

You have a rather immature attitude to the sexuality of others. Your mother and your former friend are no more whores than you are.

People do odd things when fragility and intimacy share the same tent. Parents and friends are people who make mistakes and evolve in ways we may not expect. You are a person too and you should be prepared to learn positively from your errors, It's not nice, you may have regrets and from time to time wonder what life would be like events had played out differently but to dwell on these issues is very unhealthy.

I recommend a dose of ritual activity. Along with the usual domestic tasks of cleaning your own clothes, tidying your own living space and preparing your own food you should set some time in the week to mingle. Walk somewhere, talk to strangers and maybe join some sort in some sort of activity where have to interact with real people who aren't on the end of a computer (even and indeed especially if at first it seems a chore and maybe even uncomfortable).

This will remind yourself that the sort of uneasy weirdness you feel is actually normality. And stable, conventionally uneventful happy lives are 90% myth. Most of the people you will meet after some investigation will prove to be at least as screwed up or as stupid as yourself if not more so.

From then on when life throws you something sordid you will learn to shrug it off after a few gripes.

For very good reasons modernity reminds us (and by us I mean mostly men) that no means no. So don't undermine that most important of mantras by ever saying yes when you mean no again.

Your consent to anything is one of the few genuine properties you own. It is the freedom explicit in your conscious awareness and if you throw it away for convenience sake you devalue everything you and everyone around you are.

Someone once said no to me once. It was horribly painful, terribly disappointing and the most defining moment of my life which I would not ever reverse. I was honestly rejected and I prize that more highly than fake acceptance.

Bingowings said:

Your mother and your former friend are no more whores than you are.

 Just based on what I read, I take issue with this statement.

Yeah.  So I'm just as bad as she is?  At least I actually gave a shit.  My issue with her was that she pretended to care about me and was just stringing me along.

I didn't tell her that I was her friend and then fuck her and dump her.  It wasn't that I didn't want the sexual advance, because I did.  It was that I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere.  But we were friends and I did care about her.

I'm calling her a whore for lying to me about being my friend, when by the way she came on to me then all the sudden doesn't care anymore indicates she wasn't.

I did not expect for us to end up together.  I knew we wouldn't.  My anger is not at that.  My anger is that we are no longer friends, which is entirely her decision, because I was fully prepared to stay friends, even if the sex was going to end.  She just cut ties completely without warning and acted like she didn't care.  Whatever, people do this I know, but it was just jolting. 

And I wasn't even saying anything about my parents just now, I was only commenting that their recent separation contributed to me going through a hard time.

But thank god you've got me figured out.  Fuck you.

Bingowings said:

See this is why you need to (at the risk of sounding insensitive) get out more.

I recommend a dose of ritual activity. Along with the usual domestic tasks of cleaning your own clothes, tidying your own living space and preparing your own food you should set some time in the week to mingle. Walk somewhere, talk to strangers and maybe join some sort in some sort of activity where have to interact with real people who aren't on the end of a computer (even and indeed especially if at first it seems a chore and maybe even uncomfortable).

 Fuck you man.  As I plainly said, I have plenty of friends.  They may not be real friends or caring or genuine, but they are there and they aren't on computers.  I do NOT spend all my time on a computer, I do NOT get all my socializing from the internet or computers, and I do NOT spend all my time at home.  I said the friendships aren't very genuine.  This may be true, but we still go out and hang out and stuff.  

Sometimes people just feel bad on the inside.  As shocking as it may seem, it's not always because they don't live the way you think they should.  Because I am not a homebody.  I do go out.  I may not have close ties with my friends, but we do hang out very regularly.

I'm not quite the loser you apparently think that I am.  And I'm not in a crisis over this or devastated.  It just kinda sucks right now.  I wasn't reaching for help I was just venting about it.  You can keep your stuck up wisdom, I don't need it.  Just because I'm not happy doesn't mean it's because I sit at home by myself all day, because that isn't the case.  But thanks anyway.

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably go into full revenge mode. Nothing violent or destructive, mind you -- I'd just follow every dog in the neighbourhood around until I had enough shit to fill the back of a pickup truck. Then I'd let it go rancid for a bit under a hot sun -- taking time to make sure a lot of maggots hatch in it -- and then I'd pelt all four sides of her house a solid brown.

Possessed said:

Bingowings said:

See this is why you need to (at the risk of sounding insensitive) get out more.

I recommend a dose of ritual activity. Along with the usual domestic tasks of cleaning your own clothes, tidying your own living space and preparing your own food you should set some time in the week to mingle. Walk somewhere, talk to strangers and maybe join some sort in some sort of activity where have to interact with real people who aren't on the end of a computer (even and indeed especially if at first it seems a chore and maybe even uncomfortable).

 Fuck you man.  As I plainly said, I have plenty of friends.  They may not be real friends or caring or genuine, but they are there and they aren't on computers.  I do NOT spend all my time on a computer, I do NOT get all my socializing from the internet or computers, and I do NOT spend all my time at home.  I said the friendships aren't very genuine.  This may be true, but we still go out and hang out and stuff.  

Sometimes people just feel bad on the inside.  As shocking as it may seem, it's not always because they don't live the way you think they should.  Because I am not a homebody.  I do go out.  I may not have close ties with my friends, but we do hang out very regularly.

I'm not quite the loser you apparently think that I am.  And I'm not in a crisis over this or devastated.  It just kinda sucks right now.  I wasn't reaching for help I was just venting about it.  You can keep your stuck up wisdom, I don't need it.  Just because I'm not happy doesn't mean it's because I sit at home by myself all day, because that isn't the case.  But thanks anyway.

I didn't say you were a loser but you do submit sexual advances that are not welcome. You openly paint a picture of two independently minded women who have sexual experiences you don't agree with as whores rather than imagining the possibility that they both may have been unhappy in the situations they were previously in and lacked the fortitude to back of of it gracefully.

And you came here to talk about it. If you don't want feedback from you posts don't post.

How do you know this woman wasn't your friend? Friends aren't perfect or reliable. Most people find it hard enough to keep their own mental furniture tidy, to expect them to clean up after they leave is maybe too optimistic. The world is a complicated place sometimes it doesn't go the way you like. It wasn't designed with you in mind.

Being unhappy does not excuse infidelity or taking advantage of someone's weaknesses.

No I said he was as much of a whore as his mother and friend.

None of which have sex for cash as far as I can make out.

All three are adults with lives that are complicated and the potential to act with less poise than they would prefer. If that's calling him a loser it's calling everyone a loser.

And again with the Devil's advocate... by posting on an open forum the contributor has opened themselves up to a response, that was my actual literal response (not a formulaic reversal of the delivered statement but a considered response to the post made)  . Now I'm trying to be helpful and I have alerted the reader to my potential bluntness in the first line so hopefully they go into the response with that in mind.

Infidelity and abuse of trust is as forgivable as those directly effected chose to make it. I have been the victim of both and it's devastating at the time but if you ever cared about that person you take it in the round.

My ex was manipulative, cheated on me for years while claiming (probably accurately) that he was too tired to see to my desires. When I found him in our bed with someone else I was furious. I found out this went on for years (with numerous people) and worse still was the financial fraud (taking cards and loans out in my name) then running off with £10000 at a time when I could have really done with the cash and traveling the world like the red line in an Indiana Jones film.

But it wasn't all bad. He wasn't all bad. If I wasn't with a very jealous new chap I would be able to be friendly with him (AT A VERY LONG DISTANCE).

I was very ill and he kept my spirits up and he was funny and knew how to enjoy life (okay to my financial detriment much of the time but we had laughs and I have happy memories which I refuse to jettison because he turned out to be a roguey).

I had loved him and while his betrayal of my trust hurt deeply it would be doing that love a disservice to pretend it was never there because it ended really badly.

I give up.  If you want to hide behind a dictionary definition then there's no point arguing it.  It was a shitty thing to say.

TV's Frink said:

I give up.  If you want to hide behind a dictionary definition then there's no point arguing it.  It was a shitty thing to say.

I'm not hiding behind the language. I'm using it.

The guy called two women whores.

Whores.

This is the 21st century not the 17th.

I did not call them whores for their sexual choices in and of themselves.

I called my mom a whore for having an affair on my dad with whom she'd been married to for 25 years instead of being honest with him and telling him it was over.  If she had been open about it and left him before she was with the other man I wouldn't be calling her a whore.  I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't think of her as a whore.

I called my previous friend a whore for stringing me along and taking advantage of me, for lying about caring for me, and for manipulating me.  It's not that I didn't want to have sex with her because I did.  But I knew that wouldn't last forever, and I was okay with that.  I'm not calling her a whore because she stopped having sex with me.  I'm calling her a whore because she was obviously pretending to care about me, advanced on me in a time when SHE KNEW I was in a weak place, then wanted nothing more to do with me.  She acted like a best friend, had sex with me, then told me not to talk to her anymore.  If that doesn't make you a whore, or at least a shitty enough person to warrant being called one, then I guess I was wrong.

I am calling neither of them whores simply for having sex with other people than I would like them too.  I'm calling my mom a whore for treating my dad who she was married to for 25 years like he doesn't matter when he was great to her and cheating on him instead of just telling him it was over.  And I'm calling my friend a whore for using me for sex.  Not because of her sexual choices, but for USING ME FOR SEX.  If you can't understand the difference, then you aren't somebody I should be taking advice from anyway.

Like I said, this isn't all that devastating to me, at least now.  I was just venting about it.  My friendships may be more shallow than I wouild like, but they are at least there and they don't try to hurt me and they enjoy spending time with me.

Bingowings said:

TV's Frink said:

I give up.  If you want to hide behind a dictionary definition then there's no point arguing it.  It was a shitty thing to say.

I'm not hiding behind the language. I'm using it.

The guy called two women whores.

Whores.

This is the 21st century not the 17th.

 I think you have to admit that what you said was less than tactful, especially when directed at someone who has it pretty rough at the moment and isn't necessarily entirely mentally stable.

That being said, your statement was not offensive at all when taken literally. Some people seem unfamiliar with the idea that the dictionary definition of a word is entirely valid, and there's nothing wrong with using a word in that sense instead of the often localized misuses of the word.

Okay, so they aren't "techincally" whores by the strict definition of the word.  That was so far from being the point.  And there wasn't even really a point to begin with, I was just venting about it.  Maybe bingo would feel better if I edited all the posts and changed the word "whores" to "hussies". Which means an immoral woman.  That fits better anyway.

And actually I don't remember ever calling my mother a whore, but I'll take your word for it that I did at some point because I'm too lazy to go back and look.

But fine.  I'll admit it.  My former friend isn't a whore.  Hussie fits better, since it means more closely what people usually mean when they say whore.  Feel better?

I hate when people are dicks, oh wait, can't say that, people aren't actually penises (though some may have the name "Dick").

Let me fix that. I hate when people are assholes. Nope, that's not right either. I hate when people are douche bags? Nah, doesn't work. 

It's such a shame that we always have to use the literal meanings for words. I would bitch about it like the thread tells me to but I can't really do the action of being a female dog.