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Ideas and Suggestions for :Star Trek The Motion Picture (True Fan Edit)

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Hello, it is time to start working on this. I have a few ideas that I have had mapped out for some time for this edit, and I would like to list them here. I'm open to suggestions and ideas on how to streamline this film. Please feel free to join in.

None of this is set in stone, it's just a blue-print outline to work from at this point. I'm sure to change things with review and your suggestions.

1) The film will now start out with a written prologue (with footage of the moving star-field in background) explaining that the Enterprise had returned from it's five year mission in 2270 and it is now 13 months later and the crew of the enterprise is now ready for it's continuing mission with new captain William Decker and Kirk is now an Admiral at Starfleet command.  I want to leave the drama and tension between these two characters alone in this edit.

2) Main credits will be interspersed with shots of the Enterprise in drydock. All shots of Kirk in shuttle getting a tour and looking on will be removed.  

3) No San Francisco tram station scene. The orbital dockyard office complex will get an identification caption to introduce the audience to earth. The shots of this station will be trimmed. Kirk and Scotty will enter the travel Pod, but the scene will end soon after Kirk and Scotty's conversation. Music will be changed to help bring this scene to a smooth end. 

4) Klingon Battle is now moved to later in film and will become edited into a 3 way conflict (double jeopardy for the Enterprise) between V'ger / Enterprise and the Klingons.  Audio and some shots may be imported from other Trek films to accomplish this and flesh out the story.   Footage from the wormhole scene will be cut into this battle as well.

3) Spock's Scene on Vulcan is now move later, and seen as part of a flashback during his conversation with Kirk and McCoy in the observation lounge. 

4) No transporter accident (subject to change)

5) Spock arrives sooner in story, and his arrival is trimmed a lot.

6) Scene where Enterprise enters V'ger cloud (now just after battle with Klingons)  Snip, Trim, Snip Snip

 

More to come...

 

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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I like points 1 and 2, but I have some problems with the other points.

 

Decker vs. Kirk -  how do you want to explain that Decker simply accepts Kirk as a new captain, and in the end he lets him the Enterprise without problems and "commits suicide" ?

The SF tram station is one of my favorite scenes, so I'm not very happy that you want to cut it. Do you also want to cut out the new Vulcan officer (I don't remember the name now) ?

If you don't have the transporter accident, how will you explain that they are using shuttles instead of transporter ?

I agree that Spock's arrival should be a surprise. Maybe you could cut his scene where he enters the Enterprise and let him suddenly appear on the bridge ? However I'm not sure about the flashback idea, I hate flashbacks but of course it's your edit :-)

The entering of the cloud - I think the director's cut has this scene perfectly balanced from both SE view and storytelling view.

Also a little tip - Spock's tear scene. On the Director's edition bonus DVD many people talk about the scene, where Spock cries. But I never knew what the hell are they talking about :-) I had to check it frame by frame and zoom the video to see the tear. Could you change it to a closeup of Nimoy's face ?

 

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The plan is that the Decker and Kirk scenes are to be left mostly completely alone. I'm just not understanding what you are saying about Decker accepting Kirk's command.  Kirk will have the talk with Decker in the engine room, but the scene will end just after Decker storms out. Kirk looks over at Scotty, then cut just before the console explodes.   Also, in the start of the engine room scene Scotty and Decker talk about why the transporter was not working, Scotty tells another crew person to replace the sensor, and all is right with the Transporter as far as we are concerned. 

Scotty informs Kirk about the Transporter not working when they enter the travel pod, so no need for the malfunction. It just always seemed forced. That technology was years old by the time of this adventure, and it's a stretch that it's having such a major fatal design flaw now. Same thing with the wormhole scene. It's just unfounded excitement for the sake of showing off effects and filling time.  Warp travel is years old as are the warp principles. Things are going so wrong with the ship just after leaving the space dockyard, and then BAM, she works beyond exceptional expectations the rest of the film. What was Scotty up to on that ship the last 18 months? All the malfunctions kind of make him (and Star Fleet technology) look kind of shoddy and bad. He does not even get to show off his "miracle worker" talents...

Spock will arrive just after Ilia and McCoy, but before the ship leaves Earth orbit. It will be as if he was beamed aboard at the last moment. Dialog will be edited and moved around...

Tram station and Commander Sonak seems like padding if I am having Spock arrive so soon in this edit.  What Kirk tells Sonak is almost the exact same thing he tells Scotty in the pod, and the crew on the Rec deck. I love the visuals of the approach to the tram station, and maybe I'll be able to work the tram approach and landing in. Then, just before the tram doors open cut to black. The Titles in orbit then start. That may work. But the chat on the escalator should go. 

Come to think of it, Kirk gets two introduction shots in this film. The first when the air-tram lands in San Francisco, and again when he beams aboard the orbital office complex.  The two shots accomplish the same exact thing. Close up on the star (protagonist) who is entering the story.

I will have to see about the tear. I love the suggestion. If a zoom looks good, I will do it. I would love to know if there is any audio out there of Kirk or McCoy saying the words "crying" or "Tears" with no music behind it so that I could loop it into the scene.

Also, on the remastered Star Trek Original Series there is a CGI shot of the old style enterprise entering 1960's Earth orbit ("Tomorrow is Yesterday" or "Assignment Earth").  Should I try to work this shot into the start of the film, depicting the Enterprising returning from it's five year mission?

Please keep making comments...

In no way is this project without it's challenges. There are quite a few hurdles in the plot to try and overcome.  Like how to Introduce V'ger as a threat to Earth if I change the Klingon battle. I have no fear in trying to change the dynamics of the Epsilon-9 footage. I have a good idea of how to remove the Klingons from the epsilon-9 monitors and soundtrack within the station, and have the cloud be a direct threat to the station and it's heading to Earth soon after. Placing this in the new story time-line is just one problem.

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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FanFiltration said:

 

1) The film will now start out with a written prologue (with footage of the moving star-field in background) explaining that the Enterprise had returned from it's five year mission in 2270 and it is now 13 months later and the crew of the enterprise is now ready for it's continuing mission with new captain William Decker and Kirk is now an Admiral at Starfleet command.  I want to leave the drama and tension between these two characters alone in this edit.

 

All this is basically explained in the dialogue between Kirk and Scotty at the space complex and in the travel pod, so the written prologue really isn't necessary.  Text scrolls aren't part of Trek's style like they are with Star Wars, and when I see text at the beginning of other films, it makes me feel like the filmmakers didn't have the time, money or intelligence to work that info into the story.

My outlook on life - we’re all on the Hindenburg anyway…no point fighting over the window seat.

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I don't like the idea of a text prologue either, but I like the rest of the ideas for the edit so far. 

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I don't have anything to add right now, Just wanted to say I'm very interested in what you have planned so far.

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Thanks for the input!

Excellent case made about the prologue. Very good point about it not being in the Trek idiom. It's out. 

Last night, I dug out my old copies of the Marvel comic adaption and the Photostory tie-in book. They seem to be good models on how to break down the story to it's most important plot points.   They trim a lot of the same elements I was thinking of doing myself. This is one of the movies that I wished they had done an audio-book of with one of the stars. It may have come in useful.

 

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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Great, the CG shot of the Enterprise sounds also like a great idea, it's definitely worth trying

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Actually i'd be perferctly happy to see a text prologue and that sort of thing HAS been done before in star trek...Off the top of my head [iirc] the Pilot episode of Deep Space Nine started with text describing the events of The battle of wolf 359!

or maybe you could use key footage from TOS in a similar fashion to how the start of ST3 recaps the ending of ST2?

 

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OK, I like the idea of the Original Enterprise coming into orbit over Earth, maybe with the Starbase from Star Trek III in the distance.  The "Crucible" book series and the "Phase II" fan films were going to have the E be damaged so much that it needed to be refit, so maybe you could track some damage on there, or get one of the excellent CG artists out there to render you an all-new shot (I can find you some links), or even use the ion storm damaged E from that one episode where they have ion damage (sorry, can't remember off the top of my head).

There are a few shots of the E in the Director's Cut that still need some help where you can see through the nacelles and so forth (esp during Spock's docking scene).  What version are you going to use as the basis for your edit?

I'm not sure about the major restructuring of the film itself, but I'd have to see the proposed 3-way battle to truly judge it.  Part of my problem with moving the Klingons is that we'd only see V'ger disintegrate the defenseless science station, but currently in the film we see 3 Klingon cruisers that we know to be a threat disintegrated without a second thought, which really shows that V'ger don't care about no one.

I'd love to help out any way I can, if even just keeping track of a wishlist and mockups like I'm doing for RotJ.  Let me know.

“005 is super hep” - dahmage

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Could some footage of the Enterprise with the new special effects found on the blu-ray release be used?   I know it is 4:3, but it might be possible to use it. 

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Chewtobacca said:

Could some footage of the Enterprise with the new special effects found on the blu-ray release be used?   I know it is 4:3, but it might be possible to use it. 

I used the 4:3 Blu-ray images from TrekCore to create the double-DVD resolution images I just posted, so yes, it could be used with the proper BR rip.  I just wish they had released the full 16:9 images they rendered for the new effects shots, as it would probably be composed better.

“005 is super hep” - dahmage

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How does this sound?  At the start of the film, there is an attack on V'ger by only one Klingon D-7, and then later 3 more come into the story to seek revenge for their lost ship. Then we get two Klingon scenes... I think the Klingons would send in more firepower for revenge.

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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FanFiltration said:

How does this sound?  At the start of the film, there is an attack on V'ger by only one Klingon D-7, and then later 3 more come into the story to seek revenge for their lost ship. Then we get two Klingon scenes... I think the Klingons would send in more firepower for revenge.

I like the revenge idea, still presents V'ger as a threat from the first and adds more tension to the middle of the movie besides "What the hell is that thing?"

I'm not so sure on the lack of reactions by the crew to not only have V'ger, but Klingons that deep into Federation space(?).  I'm sure if anyone can find the footage, its you since you have access to every piece of footage released for this movie. ;-)

I'm excited for this edit as the more I watch TMP, the more I appreciate it; but I still don't like it, if you know what I'm saying.  Maybe some further restructuring to eliminate a lot of the slow-down is what it needs, along with some action without making it a completely different movie.

I have a draft of a change list page ready if you want to use my list-making abilities.

“005 is super hep” - dahmage

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doubleofive said:

I have a draft of a change list page ready if you want to use my list-making abilities.

 

Thanks, I would!

 

As far as including footage from the remastered T.V. series, I would rather hold off until the end phase of the project. To start off, it would be best to work within the STMP footage, and just grab from other sources when absolutely necessary.  When taking sound or visual elements from outside sources, I would like to keep those sources within the Star Trek franchise.

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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FanFiltration said:

doubleofive said:

I have a draft of a change list page ready if you want to use my list-making abilities.

 

Thanks, I would!

 

As far as including footage from the remastered T.V. series, I would rather hold off until the end phase of the project. To start off, it would be best to work within the STMP footage, and just grab from other sources when absolutely necessary.  When taking sound or visual elements from outside sources, I would like to keep those sources within the Star Trek franchise.

http://doubleofive.wordpress.com/fanfiltrations-star-trek-tmp-edit/

“005 is super hep” - dahmage

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doubleofive said:

I'm not so sure on the lack of reactions by the crew to not only have V'ger, but Klingons that deep into Federation space(?).  I'm sure if anyone can find the footage, its you since you have access to every piece of footage released for this movie. ;-)

 

Thanks for the confidence. There are quite a lot of bridge crew reaction shots from footage that I am removing from other parts of the film (Such as  the wormhole scene, and the V'ger flyover). The plan is to try and incorporate these into the new 2nd Klingon battle. Klingon bridge monitors are being removed from Star Trek V and VI (from the combat scenes) and overlaid onto ones in ST:TMP. I still have to look at ST:III to see if there is anything I can use.  But I don't remember there being any combat-computer display shots on The Bird of Prey.

Editing the footage together and the dialog is the easy part, it's the music that is the most difficult for me. It is very important to not have it be jarring, and also still do the job of enhancing the story telling experience the way a good score is supposed to. I have my work cut out for me.  I spent a good 4 hours last night editing down the travel pod scene.  All the shots work, but the music is too drawn out as the pod backs up to dock with the Enterprise. The pacing just falls apart.  I will need to re-score this bit by stealing the music from someplace else. Now I am racking my memory of Star trek music cues for the appropriate music.

 

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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I really like the idea of seeing the ship return home at the end of the 5 year mission.

Could Kirk's final log entry V.O. from TUC be reworked for this?

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SilverWook said:

I really like the idea of seeing the ship return home at the end of the 5 year mission.

Could Kirk's final log entry V.O. from TUC be reworked for this?

As much as I would like to see that as well, you would then expect to see everyone in TOS form getting off the ship and some kind of scene implying that they're going their separate ways for a bit while the ship gets refit.  That will be very difficult if not impossible to create from TOS footage.

My outlook on life - we’re all on the Hindenburg anyway…no point fighting over the window seat.

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Ziz said:

SilverWook said:

I really like the idea of seeing the ship return home at the end of the 5 year mission.

Could Kirk's final log entry V.O. from TUC be reworked for this?

As much as I would like to see that as well, you would then expect to see everyone in TOS form getting off the ship and some kind of scene implying that they're going their separate ways for a bit while the ship gets refit.  That will be very difficult if not impossible to create from TOS footage.

I need to find my copy of "Star Trek: The Lost Years" audio book.  There is audio by one or two of the stars talking about the return of the enterprise on that. My memory is not what it used to be, so I need to check it to see if it could be useful in this scene. Maybe used as a log entry over the CGI shot???

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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Travel Pod scene:

Don't want to break any rules about posting links to clips of fan edits stuff, so PM me for info.

 

I know, the video quality sucks, but it's just a work-test using a crap encoder and very low bit-rate for small upload size. It's just for you guys to see what I am up to. It took over 6 hours just for this scene. Constructive feedback is welcome. The earth will be moved to the left side of the pod in that one shot where you can see that Earth is on the wrong side. that is not a hard thing to fix. Also there will be a caption at the start of the scene to identify the Star Fleet orbital drydock complex and stardate.

Edit: I want to say how much I hate youtube, and how it makes the video look like crap, and you can see glitches where you can't on my master copy.  .

FF

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison

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Ziz said:

SilverWook said:

I really like the idea of seeing the ship return home at the end of the 5 year mission.

Could Kirk's final log entry V.O. from TUC be reworked for this?

As much as I would like to see that as well, you would then expect to see everyone in TOS form getting off the ship and some kind of scene implying that they're going their separate ways for a bit while the ship gets refit.  That will be very difficult if not impossible to create from TOS footage.

 

not really. just cut from the opening to the main titles. then it's suddenly 'x amount of time later'...

the opening could also be implied to have already happened. Basically a 'previously on star trek' type thing.

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doubleofive said:

I threw together a mock-up using the TOSR Enterprise from "Tomorrow is Yesterday".  It could use work, and I'll try to add damage later.

View Image to see the full-quality images:

We need to make the earth much darker and deeper blue to match how it looks in the Motion Picture travel pod scene and when the Enterprise leaves orbit.  I would also like to just have the orbital office complex and an empty drydock in the distance and this old Enterprise heading for it.  My friend (who did the blue eye work in my edit of Dune) wants to try and paint out the Enterprise from the drydock, shrink it down in scale to show distance (also helps hiding any small errors in the removal of the enterprise from the shot) and place it into the CGI scene you have shown here. The huge complex just seems too much, and fits more later in the series. But we understand the logic in wanting to use it.

“First feel fear, then get angry. Then go with your life into the fight.” - Bill Mollison