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Hey, did you hear they came out with a DVD for that "Star Wars" movie last year?

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I like to imagine a parallel universe where Star Wars was a flop, but it was eventually given a superb DVD release. Here is the cover from that parallel universe:


http://www.erikstormtrooper.com/parallel_starwars_cover_preview.jpg

Click here for the full-res version.

Close-up of back description:

http://www.erikstormtrooper.com/parallel_starwars_cover_back.jpg

Sometimes, I don't know why I torture myself like this.

You know of the rebellion against the Empire?

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Erik, you are a sick s.o.b.

Willow: The complete saga?  That is alternate universe.

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Sluggo said:

Erik, you are a sick s.o.b.

I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks! ;)

You know of the rebellion against the Empire?

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It would be interesting if Lucas never did any sequels to Star Wars and how Lucas's career and how Star Wars would be perceived today.

I think Lucas would have probably be looked more favorably because he would have had a more diverse career as a director/producer.  I think what would have defined Lucas's career is if he started directing more serious/adult-type movies like Spielberg did with Schindlers List & Saving Private Ryan.  Spielberg could direct the summer blockbuster, but proved later on he could direct the Best Oscar movie too.  In the end, Lucas probably would have been ranked up there with Brian DePalma as a dynamite director from the 70's/80's, but lost the touch a bit into the 90's.

As for Star Wars ending in 1977, this board wouldn't exist, and Star Wars would have a different type of fanbase, more along the lines of Wizard of Oz and Jaws fans.  More mainstream, more accepting to the general public, beloved by all age groups, but you wouldn't hear any grumbles of the movie being too slow, effects being dated, or the lightsaber fight being dull, cause essentially those people would have never liked it from day one, and wouldn't need to voice their opinion because they enjoy mindless CGI/Action that the PT gives them.

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Lol, that's pretty badass.

Though I don't like the line "Unfortunately, the film did not resonate with the majority of audiences...." I can't imagine any company putting that on a product they intend to sell. Cult classic, glowing critical reviews and moderate box-office success would be more than enough. (even if the last part is untrue - hey it's called marketing)

"Academey" award winner Mark Hamill gave me a big chuckle (and not for the spelling error). As did the Willow Lego video game.

A reference to George Lucas director of Apocalypse Now would add to the "what if" aspect of it, possibly even winning a best director Academy Award for it. And something about Star Wars being the follow-up to American Graffiti. Name dropping American Graffiti as a bigger hit than Star Wars is pretty interesting.

Sorry you didn't exactly ask for suggestions but your work has got my minding ticking. The best laugh I've had all day.

I'm enjoying imagining a world where Harrison Ford is only some what known for his small films "Witness" and "The Mosquito Coast" and nothing else, Spielberg directed a James Bond film and Mark Hamill is an academy award winner.

 

 

 

"Well here's a big bag of rock salt" - Patton Oswalt

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Alright Erik, I know you did it! I know you found a way to travel trans-dimensionally, and you fetched yourself a copy of this bad boy! You can stop playing like it is just a hypothetical game! Your a genius man! I had never thought of going through the trouble of inventing such a thing. It is so obvious now, for every way something happens there are an infinite number of ways it didn't happen, it stands to reason that there would be countless universes in which Star Wars totally blew. I know it is against forum rules to break trans-dimensional copyright laws by mailing out some DVD-Rs of this thing, so I am not going to ask that of you. So, please, can you send me a copy of blueprints for your trans-dimensional traveling vessel?

One last question, have you had a chance to watch it yet? Are there any subtle differences between this version of the film and the version from our universe?

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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I can't really imagine Star Wars ever bombing. At worst, it would have been "moderately successful, like a Disney film" as Lucas expected, and he would have gone ahead with Splinter of the Mind's Eye.

If you stumble across a Universe where Splinter was actually made, please bring a DVD of it back with you. ;)

 

originaltrilogy.com Moderator

Where were you in '77?

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Not to be a nitpicker but I believe his Name is Garrick Hagon.

“Always loved Vader’s wordless self sacrifice. Another shitty, clueless, revision like Greedo and young Anakin’s ghost. What a fucking shame.” -Simon Pegg.

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see you auntie said:

Lol, that's pretty badass.

Thanks!

see you auntie said:

Though I don't like the line "Unfortunately, the film did not resonate with the majority of audiences...." I can't imagine any company putting that on a product they intend to sell. Cult classic, glowing critical reviews and moderate box-office success would be more than enough. (even if the last part is untrue - hey it's called marketing)

I agree. That would probably never appear on an actual cover. I struggled with that line, but I couldn't come up with a more subtle way to say it. Any suggestions?

see you auntie said:

"Academey" award winner Mark Hamill gave me a big chuckle (and not for the spelling error).

@$#!+!! I proof-read that text at least 10 times. See, it's impossible to proof-read your own stuff. Fixed. (Do they make a spell checker plugin for Photoshop?)

see you auntie said:

A reference to George Lucas director of Apocalypse Now would add to the "what if" aspect of it, possibly even winning a best director Academy Award for it. And something about Star Wars being the follow-up to American Graffiti. Name dropping American Graffiti as a bigger hit than Star Wars is pretty interesting.

Yes, but I was pressed for space on the back and had to cut stuff down as it is. 

see you auntie said:

Sorry you didn't exactly ask for suggestions but your work has got my minding ticking. The best laugh I've had all day.

No problem. I'm open to any suggestions.

see you auntie said:

I'm enjoying imagining a world where Harrison Ford is only some what known for his small films "Witness" and "The Mosquito Coast" and nothing else, Spielberg directed a James Bond film and Mark Hamill is an academy award winner.

I had the same thought about Harrison, but I couldn't really work it in. The only thing I did to suggest this was to put Garrick Hagon in front of him in the commentary description. 

skyjedi2005 said:

Not to be a nitpicker but I believe his Name is Garrick Hagon.

@$#!+ again!! Thanks for pointing that out. Fixed.

C3PX said:

Alright Erik, I know you did it! I know you found a way to travel trans-dimensionally, and you fetched yourself a copy of this bad boy! You can stop playing like it is just a hypothetical game! Your a genius man! I had never thought of going through the trouble of inventing such a thing. It is so obvious now, for every way something happens there are an infinite number of ways it didn't happen, it stands to reason that there would be countless universes in which Star Wars totally blew. I know it is against forum rules to break trans-dimensional copyright laws by mailing out some DVD-Rs of this thing, so I am not going to ask that of you. So, please, can you send me a copy of blueprints for your trans-dimensional traveling vessel?

Sorry. You'll just have to settle for the cover ;) 

C3PX said:

One last question, have you had a chance to watch it yet? Are there any subtle differences between this version of the film and the version from our universe?

Aside from being the best presentation of the theatrical version I've ever seen, no, not really.

CO said:

As for Star Wars ending in 1977, this board wouldn't exist, and Star Wars would have a different type of fanbase, more along the lines of Wizard of Oz and Jaws fans.  More mainstream, more accepting to the general public...

Well, I was thinking that Star Wars would be received more like Tron, the Black Hole, the 1980 version of Flash Gordon, or Willow.

Thanks for the responses guys. So, is anyone other than me gonna print this out and agonize over it?

 

 

You know of the rebellion against the Empire?

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Erikstormtrooper said:

So, is anyone other than me gonna print this out and agonize over it?

 

 

Absolutely! From now on an empty case bearing this cover will occupy a spot on my DVD shelf. At least until I manage to find my own means of getting my hands on the real deal along with a copy of Splinter of the Minds Eye.

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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Yup, if there were no Star Wars sequels or prequels, we'd have an anamorphic DVD of Star Wars '77 today, as good as the one they did for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and we'd be anxiously awaiting the release of the blu-ray edition.

Having said that, I wouldn't give up ESB or ROTJ for it.

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Yeah, we're one step closer to seeing "Jedi Rocks" in hi-def! Woo hoo! ;-)

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Lol, I look forward to seeing that fuzzy creatures uvula in hi-def on my 50 inch plasma.

"Well here's a big bag of rock salt" - Patton Oswalt

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So when can I play Lego: Willow on my Wii?

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Note: It is actually the alternate universe Sluggo that has the Wii.  The real Sluggo still thinks Wii was when the Allies defeated Nazi Germany.

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LEGO Willow: The Complete Saga isn't out yet (damn Atari and their delays). But you can still get LEGO Willow: Madmartigan's Revenge for the GameCube.

Mielr said:

Yeah, we're one step closer to seeing "Jedi Rocks" in hi-def! Woo hoo! ;-)

Ouch. Did you really have to remind me of that?

 

You know of the rebellion against the Empire?

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With all the moolah LOTR and Harry Potter have raked in, I can't imagine Lucas hasn't at least toyed with the idea of Willow 2. ;)

Val Kilmer and Warwick Davis are still in pretty good shape too.

originaltrilogy.com Moderator

Where were you in '77?