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Hi fellow editors
I too am busily working away on my edit of EPII and I owe a lot of my inspiration to this site (since I initially stumbled on it some 2 years ago). Back then there were only a few edits going around but I must say its great to see so many fan edits going on at the moment. The beast is definitely getting bigger and stronger.
I need some help in deciding on my EPII opening crawl. First, I should explain what I’m attempting to achieve with my edit and hence what my new opening crawl needs to achieve.
In my edit, the major points I needed to convey in the crawl are:
(1) Anakin and Padme have been friends since TPM. There is no 10 year gap between when they last saw each other. I like to think they’ve been close friends since TPM, keeping in touch even though they’re both off doing what they do (ie Anakin off being a Jedi, Padme living the life of a Senator). I think helps make the love story element of EPII more convincing.
(2) The Separatist systems have already left the Republic. They pose a great threat to the Republic as they grow in number hence my next point:
(3) The Senate has already voted for the creation of the clone army and most importantly, the Jedi and all the Senators are aware of it. It is no secret the clone army has been commissioned on Kamino. Rather I want to establish that the Senate willingly voted for its creation as a knee-jerk solution to the growing Separatist threat (in the months/years before EPII begins). A group of Senators lead by Padme are a vocal minority who opposed this decision and still oppose engaging the Separatists with military force.
My biggest problem with EPII is the whole conspiracy idea of how the army was created. I’m annoyed the Republic and the Jedi so blindly accept the army and don’t stop to think “hang on, where did this army come from and how was it built so quickly?” It doesn’t make sense in terms of a timeline and it weakens what is a pivotal moment in Star Wars history (ie the birth of the Empire).
Any conversation in the Senate in my edit about “the vote” is now meant to be a vote about engaging the Separatists not a vote about the actual creation of the army.
(4) Padme has already become the target of the assassination because of her opposition to the Clone Army and the pending war with the Separatists. In my edit, I’ve cut the ship explosion scene at the start of the film, instead cutting to the Senate scene from the bonus material. I like the fact the assassination attempt has occurred off screen. Who needs another lame CGI explosion? Not me…
(5) Padme is now willingly seeking the help from Obi-Wan and Anakin, rather than being reluctantly forced into accepting Jedi protection by Palpatine and the council.
I based my crawl loosely on ESB ie having a planet’s name mentioned in the second paragraph, establishing the timeline in relation to its predecessor (in this case TPM) and I’m also trying to keep it to the 83-83 words the cawls have.
But at the moment I can’t decide which one reads/flows the best, yet conveys all the info. I want it to.
I’m very keen to get anyone’s help in choosing. So please have a read of these below and let me know which one you think is best (in terms of achieving all of the above, as well as sounding right/flowing right). If anyone can produce a re-write that is better, I will also consider that.
Thank you!
<span class=“Bold”>(1)
"It is a decade after the battle of Naboo.
Thousands of star systems, led by former
Jedi Knight, Count Dooku, have seceded
from the Republic.
On the remote world of Kamino,
the Galactic Senate has commissioned the
creation of a CLONE ARMY to help the
Jedi Knights defend the Republic and
now debates countering the Separatist movement with military force.
Leading the opposition to the security measure,
Senator Amidala has become the target of an
attempted assassination and is returning to
Coruscant to seek help from her friends
Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker….</span>
<span class=“Bold”>(2)
"It is a decade after the battle of Naboo.
Thousands of star systems, led by former
Jedi Knight, Count Dooku, have seceded from the Republic.
On the remote world of Kamino,
the Galactic Senate has commissioned
the creation of a CLONE ARMY to help
the Jedi Knights defend the Republic.
As debate rages whether to counter
the Separatist movement with military force,
Senator Amidala has become the target of
an attempted assassination and is
returning to Coruscant to seek help from her
friends Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker…."</span>