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FIXED UNIVERSE: The Expanded Universe fan-editing - THE WHOLE THRAWN TRILOGY IS NOW AVAILABLE — Page 3

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about half way through the recolouring. do you want me to upload the corrected language without the colour change incase i got any of it wrong? ive flattened the images to jpgs and blurred out the scanning errors, ie made it less grainy, but the comic colours and bright blue space scenes are intact.:P

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 (Edited)

well heres the language fix without colour correction (mstly)

ive smoothed all the images and treated them slightly to remove all the scanned crap off them.

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@TheoOdo: i don't think i will do any edit of the comic versions of the movie: I think in this board we can find the better versions of them (like SW:Revisited, or the ADigitalMan edits).

 

@ben_danger: i'm downloading it!!!

however, i've recontrolled all my HTTE files and are all translated! maybe you have some old version of them.

if you tell me the pages, i resend them to you.

(and now, with DE, I'm working directly in english... :P )

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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Anymore news or updates, Darknikos?

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Hello there!

in the last months I was away for job, without connection... but with the notebook to continue the work on the Fixed Universe.

Now I'm back and - hoping there is still someone interested - finally I plan to release in some day "Heir to the Empire", and in the following weeks the last two chapter of the trilogy and Dark Empire.

 

This is just for advise... and for resuming the topic! :) 

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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I finally saw this thread and it is very exciting!

I hope you finish this "comic book edit".

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...i'm looking for help... i'm ready to release the Thrawn trilogy but - as a not native speaker - i need some help to fix some lines from my "english"... to english! :-D

 

if there is anyone who want and can help is welcome, and will make possible the release of the comic books! :-)

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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 (Edited)

OK... even without some language correction, "Heir to the Empire - Fixed Edition" is here:

 

EDIT: ALL THE LINKS FOR COMICS DOWNLOAD ARE IN THE FIRST PAGE OF THE TOPIC!

 

this is the chages' list:

 

Changes to the entire Thrawn Trilogy:
The ysalamiri are totally removed
The Tedryn Holocron is introduced here, instead of in Dark Empire (this is an element that help to tie the two storylines)
Luke is a bit less "farm boy" that in the original Zahn trilogy
The roman alphabet is removed: all the text appears now in aurek besh

 

Heir to the Empire changes:
New opening crawl (thanks to ben_danger and TheoOdo)
In the original both Luke and Leia has blue saber; Luke's one is now green
Removed Luke's dream about ben's farewell
Thrawn goes on Myrkr to find the Tedryn Holocron, not the ysalamiri
Corrected the reference to the Clone Wars from "35 years ago" to "about 30 years ago"
As any Jedi, Leia build her lightsaber by herself; it isn't Luke to do it for her
Added a reference to the Kamino cloners
Removed Thrawn line about a Jedi can be influenced by another
Ralrra introduce himself with his complete name and give Leia informations about him and his past, like in the book
Luke frees himself from Kardde's prisons with the Force (there aren't ysalamiri to avoid it!)
Changed Luke's line when steal Kardde's ship "with a little luck" to "if the Force will be with us"
Luke and Mara had a brief lightsaber duel before deal to reach Hillard City together
Removed the question about the possibility to go in the forest for R2 (as seen in prequels... he can fly!)
When Mara hit the vornskr Luke doesn't thank her like a defenceless boy but simply congratulate with her

 

...and some other little changes.
I'll wait for feedbacks and - if someone want to do it - the correction of the changes' list, that is also included in the comic book.

 

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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hey darkinos, sorry i didnt get back to you earlier, i will download this version and post the language correction for you on here if you like?

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no problem! when you want and you have time!

the only part not yet corrected is the list of changes in the last page (the same in the previous post!)

 

 

(and for DFR and TLC there are minor changes to the dialogues...)

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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"The ysalamiri are totally removed"

There are still a few left on pg 24.

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 (Edited)

Right! Thanks!

this is the corrected version

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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Is anyone else getting the "Access violation at address..." message when they try opening this in CDISPLAY.

I cannot wait to see this.

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Wow, sorry for the delay, but in the last week I haven't check the topic... I've believed that no one was anymore interested for the lack of replies... I'm glad to see that's not so! :)

Anyway, I'm on a Mac, so I haven't tried the cbz with Cdisplay... i try to release a working copy today!

 

P.S. I've finished, also, the work on Dark Forces Rising and The Last Command... if anyone here want to be the "grammatical control" for them (I'm not a native speaker) I'll be able to release them too!

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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 (Edited)

satanika said:

You may need to repack the archive without the mac thumbnails, seems cdisplay doesn’t like them.
The files inside are fine.

yes, you’re right! i’ve done so and tested the CBR with cdisplay… it works!

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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Just finished reading HTTE Fixed - it's excellent! However, I discovered an error: Thrawn mentions ysalamiri on page 96.

 

I'm looking forward to the other comics, especially Dark Empire, which is my favourite among the original ones.

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Thanks!!!

…and I’ve correct the error you report.

P.S. As I’ve already said, the last chapter of the thrawn trilogy are ready (and Dark Empire on the way) if you want to be the beta reader for the language correction I can send it to you.

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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UPDATE:

Thanks to the language correction provided by Xammer, it's ready and available the fixed edition of "Dark Force Rising".

I've reuploaded too HTTE with minor improvements.

Both the links for the download are in the first topic of the page.

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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satanika said:

Thanks Darknikos!

 

I hope you enjoy them... and The Last Command is coming soon!

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)
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I'm going through HEIR TO THE EMPIRE right now.  I've been taking proofreading notes to maybe polish it up a bit more.  I'm not nitpicking you, I think you've done a fantastic job so far, but this should be as professional-looking as possible IMO.

Here goes:

- "THIS STORY TAKES PLACE FIVE YEARS LATER THE BATTLE OF ENDOR (IN 9 ABY)" should be "THIS STORY TAKES PLACE FIVE YEARS AFTER THE BATTLE OF ENDOR (9 ABY)," and I would consider getting rid of the "9 ABY" reference.
- Because "fragile" is used twice, I'd change the first sentence of the crawl to "It is a challenging time for the galaxy."  In fact, here's a suggestion for general changes to the crawl:

Episode VII (not 100% necessary, but I like the idea)
HEIR TO THE EMPIRE

It is a challenging time for the newly-
united galaxy.  The NEW REPUBLIC has
driven the remnants of the Galactic Empire
deep into the far corners of space.

Leia Organa Solo, pregnant with twins, is
in training to become the first in a new line
of JEDI KNIGHTS, under her brother, Jedi
Master Luke Skywalker.

But on the fringe of the galaxy, the last
of the Emperor's warlords has taken
command of the shattered Imperial fleet,
readied it for war, and pointed it at the
fragile heart of the New Republic.... (- note the four periods - the only movie that uses three is ROTJ)

Again, just a suggestion.  I think it feels more dynamic and a little "tighter."
- I'd remove any "thought bubbles," like Pellaeon thinking "So young ... "  It's not something we would get in the movies.  Not a big deal, though.
- Page 15: Luke says "Tell her that I lover her and that everything is fine 3PO..." - this should read "Tell her I love her, and that everything is fine, Threepio."  You don't need the first "that," "lover" is a typo, and the commas make it flow better.  Finally, every time a character shortens a droid's name (R2 or 3PO), you should spell it out (Artoo or Threepio) if you have room to.
- Page 21: "Most alien species are" needs a period at the end.  "Be on your guard Captain.  Lead the way Rukh." needs two commas - one after "guard," and one after "way."  A few panels later, Rukh says "Yess."  I don't know if that's intentional or not - either way, it's not a huge deal.
- Page 23: "Unwise perhaps, my Jedi friend.  Do you understand what this is?" feels a little awkward.  My suggestion: "That may not be wise, my friend.  Do you know what this is?"  It's simpler, and he doesn't know if C'Baoth is a Jedi or not, so it's best for him not to be explicit about it and chance C'Baoth's anger.  At a later panel, Thrawn says "All in time good Master," which should read "All in good time, Master..."  I'd also suggest changing C'Baoth's next line from "trifle" to "toy," as in "Do not toy with me," and to put a comma after "me" and before "Chiss."  Thrawn's last line on this page, where he says "...hidden to the Emperor himself!" should read "...hidden from the Emperor himself!"
- Page 24: I would change "Where is the fortress?  Are there other holocrons?" to "Are there more holocrons in this fortress of yours?"  It makes him seem smarter, not asking so many questions.  Thrawn's line "Many other holocrons, and more ... and they can all be yours!"  sounds redundant - "Many holocrons, and many more artifacts you couldn't dream of!  And they could all be yours!" sounds a bit better.  Thrawn's next line doesn't need an exclamation point - it makes him seem childish.  A period will do just fine.
- Page 25: C'Baoth doesn't need to say "Take me to your ship" at the end.  It's redundant, and its removal will help your line fit in the bubble a little better as well.
- Page 34: Not your change, but I've always hated Luke's little thing there - "That tapestry--and a touch of the Force...!" would be just fine if it's just "That tapestry..."  The last panel on the page, the lightsaber blade seems to be at an odd angle, but this could just be me.
- Page 37: Luke's "Yes, it is time I taught you how to build one." looks a little odd.  I think it could be solved by making "It is" into a contraction ("it's"), which would make the text take up a little less space, and it'd sound a bi more natural as well.  And if you could make Ben's line in the last panel match his actual ROTJ line, that'd be fantastic.

That's all I've got for now, I've got to run at the moment, but I'll pick up at page 38 later and go from there.

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Don't worry! I don't think you are nitpicking me, instead I'm very pleased to see interest in this project!

 

So... date panel, yes, I've correct as you say.

 

Opening crawl: about "Episode VII" I think it's better avoid to put it... there are many stories in EU and it's impossible to count them all with a progressive number...

for the rest i've done the corrections you say, except for two things: (I switch to the EU nerd mode :D )

 

newly-united galaxy: in fact the galaxy is no more united since the battle of endor. It is now divided in a huge republic space and little imperial space. And the situation continue to be that even in NJO and LEgacy eras.

Jedi Master Luke Skywalker: we don't see Luke called Jedi Master yet, at this point. And he is at his first training as a teacher, yet unfinished.

 

So, I'm to change the crawl in this way:

 

It is a challenging time for the Galaxy. The NEW REPUBLIC has driven the remnants of the Galactic Empire deep into the far corners of space.

Leia Organa Solo, pregnant with twins, is in training to become the first in a new line of JEDI KNIGHTS, under her brother, Luke Skywalker.

But  on  the  fringe  of  the  galaxy,  the last  of  the  Emperor's  warlords  has taken  command  of  the  shattered  Imperial  fleet,  readied  it  for  war,  and pointed  it  at  the  fragile  heart  of  the New Republic....

 

page 15, 21, 23, 24: done as you suggest (yes, certain errors were typo)

and the "Yess" of Rukh is so also in the original version... I've left it like it was.

 

 

...I'm arrived so far now; i'll finish with the other suggestion ASAP (...when the job let me do it)

(...sorry for my bad english ...I'm not a native speaker)