Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side (the TM edit) (Released) — Page 3

Author: Commander Courage
Time: 29-Mar-2005 7:17 PM
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Trooperman, your edit is by far the most extensive yet, and if you can pull it all off, I'd definitely want a copy!

But I do have a few questions:

Are you going the MagnoliaFan route with the alien subtitles? If so, since you're already dubbing Anakin, are you going to try to dub Jar-Jar and the Seperatists? Perhaps from other sources as opposed to backwards/foriegn language tracks (which I found to be the weakest aspect of MagnoliaFan's efforts)?

Will it still be "Attack of the Clones" or are you changing the title and opening scroll?

Are there any other signifigant changes you're making that you'd like to share with us at this time?

I'm just a fan edit junkie (in fact I hope to make my own edits someday), so your project really interests me. On that note, when thinking about my own possible edit, I faced a similar dilemma with the droid factory sequence. You can't just edit it all out because something has to get Anakin and Padme from the ship into custody, but you can't really use it without Artoo, and I wanted to just leave the droids on the ship, ending their part in the film with "If they needed our help they would have asked for it." But I really like the music and Anakin has some of his best action there. You seem to have solved all this quite well.

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 29-Mar-2005 8:55 PM
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Hey trooperman. Good luck.

I really wish I could help. I would think it would be awkward 'acting' along side Natalie Portman not there and all. And stuff.

Author: greencapt
Time: 31-Mar-2005 5:21 PM
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This whole project still sounds cool! I'd offer voice as well, but I know what you mean about not getting them read the correct way. I'm an amateur director and have the same problems.

What if you did the read and used SoundForge to post-process your voice ever-so-slightly to keep the acting but to make it 'not you' so you can enjoy the experience some more.

Also, if you DO decide to redo alien voices maybe some of us could help out with that as A) it would save you from having to do all of them, B) those would be 'lines' could be trimmed or sped up/slowed if need be and C) it would just be fun!

Author: Trooperman
Time: 31-Mar-2005 6:41 PM
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I really wish I could help. I would think it would be awkward 'acting' along side Natalie Portman not there and all. And stuff.

Thanks, Chaltab. Yes, it will be difficult, but there's an element of fun, as well, creating the illusion that I'm talking with this particular actress.

Trooperman, your edit is by far the most extensive yet, and if you can pull it all off, I'd definitely want a copy!

I'll mail you a disc when I'm done; perhaps even dual-layer with commentary.

Will it still be "Attack of the Clones" or are you changing the title and opening scroll?

I'd love to change the scroll, but I don't have the technology to do so. Perhaps someone who does could create one specifically for this edit, using text I have written as the scroll.

Are there any other signifigant changes you're making that you'd like to share with us at this time?

I'll post some more soon.

And now to address the difficult question of: Jar-Jar. Jar-Jar presents a real dilemma for me. I still don't know whether I'm going to use the original voice, dub him using English, or do an alien language with subtitles. I'm worried that I won't have the time to redo Episode I with an alien language for Jar-Jar. The problem with dubbing him in English is a lack of a capable voice actor. At one point, I was toying the idea of Jar-Jar with a Scottish accent.

Anakin: I've thought about her every day since we parted...and she's forgotten me completely.
Jar-Jar: Maybe that's for the best, lad.

A little too silly, though, and tricky to pull off.

Also, if you DO decide to redo alien voices maybe some of us could help out with that as A) it would save you from having to do all of them, B) those would be 'lines' could be trimmed or sped up/slowed if need be and C) it would just be fun!

That would be absolutely wonderful. I just don't know if anyone would have the interest and time to do a professional-sounding job. Because I'd rather go with the original dialogue than use an amateur-sounding track.

Thanks for all the interest! I'll post some more soon.

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

“Back when we made Star Wars, we just couldn’t make Palpatine as evil as we intended. Now, thanks to the miracles of technology, it is finally possible. Finally, I’ve created the movies that I originally imagined.” -George Lucas on the 2007 Extra Extra Special HD-DVD Edition

Author: Shimraa
Time: 31-Mar-2005 10:53 PM
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this entire thing songs great, gl with it man.

Author: Trooperman
Time: 2-Apr-2005 7:25 PM
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Thanks. I don't have a lot of time to post changes right now, but one thing I'm going to do for AOTC is use some of Anakin's dialogue from the rough draft screenplay when I'm dubbing him. Some of this includes some mild language which Lucas later removed from the movie. I'm only using this dialogue, however, if it's better than in the film.

I'll post some more soon.

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 2-Apr-2005 11:40 PM
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As long as you keep it at the level of the OT, I doubt anyone will complain.

Author: Trooperman
Time: 3-Apr-2005 8:19 AM
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Right. We're talking about a level lower than the original Star Wars, anyway, so there won't be a problem.

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Author: Trooperman
Time: 3-Apr-2005 9:17 PM
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OK, I had some time to compile some of my plans into one coherent post (maybe). Here goes:

First of all, I will not be dubbing Anakin until late in the game, possibly not until everything else is finished. First, I’m going to;

1. Write Anakin’s new dialogue
2. Cut rough movie together
3. Complete the audio mix, almost (with all of the original Anakin lines removed).
4. Record Anakin’s dialogue
5. Mix the lines into the audio track.
6. Do what I’m going to do about Jar-Jar, and mix his few lines in
7. Render video!

What follows are some more changes that will be present in my version. Keep in mind that all of my changes are based on 1. Personal irratations, or 2. Things that Lucas wouldn’t have done 30 years ago, things that are not classy or seem too P.C., crowd-pleasing, contrived, or corny to me. I’m trying to get it as much into the style of the OT as possible.

One think I don’t think fits is the “younglings” scene with Yoda. It seems to be a crowd-pleasing scene (“Aw, aren’t the little kids cute…”), and I think it also makes Obi-Wan look stupid. He doesn’t need a four year old to suggest that the information was deleted; Obi-Wan would have thought of that. I will still utilize a clip of this scene (maybe starting at the point where Obi-Wan asks Yoda whether it’s impossible for anyone to remove information from the archives.)

Another big stylistic mistake in AOTC was Natalie Portman running around in the last part of the movie with a bare midriff. I know Leia had a skimpy outfit in ROTJ, but it was in style (and Jabba made her do it, after all). I think the “strong female lead” thing, while it could have been handled well enough, was completely butchered for AOTC. It’s just not believable and it gets really tiresome and irritating for me. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not against a woman having a good role in the movies. Leia’s role and attitude in the OT was just right. But the bare midriff outfit especially is not in the style of the OT, and so every effort has been made in my edit to cut it down in the film. Padme no longer gets on the gunship with Obi-Wan and Anakin; she continues to fight in the arena until we see her next (when she shoots at Dooku’s ship). This streamlines the Dooku chase as well, and we don’t have the “Padme falls off the ship” subplot.

That’s the biggest change to Padme’s role, but some of her lines are being seriously chopped or changed for my version, simply because I couldn’t stomach several of her lines. Lucas would never have written them 25 years ago. Yell at me all you want, but Padme is quieter in this version and not quite as bossy, which I think is for the better. How will Padme’s absence from the Republic Gunship be achieved? Sometimes by zooming in slightly on the widescreen DVD, but sometimes by taking the full-screen DVD and lopping off the top and bottom (if much zooming is needed, to improve quality).

Other changes so far?

1. I’m keeping the fox logo but replacing the glimmering Lucasfilm logo with the original one, only it’s lifted from the Ewok DVD instead of the OT because it’s of better quality.
2. As in the MagnoliaFan edition, the first scene between Zam and Jango will be deleted. While it’s a neat scene, it does nothing but ruin the appearances of both characters later on (when it’s more exciting).
3. Various scenes have been streamlined. There are times in the original version where you’ll have a shot followed by two other shots, and then a reaction shot to the original shot. What I’m doing is cutting the other two shots (whatever those may be) so that action and reaction are back to back. This happens in several places.
4. The scene with Anakin and Padme in the grass field has been reworked considerably. It begins with the camera panning across to show a view of the mountains, green grass, etc. (taken from different movie, but it still fits). The love theme is playing in the background. Then, we fade to Anakin and Padme rolling around on the ground, laughing (as the musical theme finishes). Only at the end of this shot, we have a straight cut to the picnic portion of the scene. It plays until Anakin says: Well…if it works… Padme stares at Anakin, and then we have a shot of Anakin. He smiles at the end of the shot. So instead of the “Making fun of a senator” dialogue, we have a clock-wipe to Kamino, which is done in such a way so as to leave Anakin’s smile on the screen for a short period (similar to when they have Palpatine ending a scene. He looks very serious until the wipe starts, and then you can see the corner of his mouth turn up in a smile right before he’s covered up by the wipe.) It ends the scene on a much more eerie note.

I don’t know if any of that was coherent, but the important info is that this scene has been rearranged considerably.

5. “Blast, this is why I hate flying” and other dumb one-liners by Obi-Wan have been cut.
6. Music has been added to the fight sequence in the arena (besides the percussive stuff).
7. Some of Yoda’s corny dialogue (like “to the forward command center, take me.”) has been cut. Didn’t
feel right.
8. You don’t see the back of Mace’s head before he ignites his lightsaber; completely ruins his entrance.
9. “This party’s over.” No longer present; didn’t sound very classy coming from a Master Jedi. A couple silly shots of Jedi igniting their sabers have also been cut.
10. The pause when Dooku about to kill Obi-Wan and Anakin jumps in has been shortened.
11. And in case there was any question, Yoda will not be participating in a lightsaber fight with Count Dooku. Dooku will also not be trying to zap him with electricity. Dooku shouldn’t be concerned about having a “contest” with Yoda; he just wants to get the heck out of there. He also knows Yoda too well to try anything like force lightning against him. Therefore, we have Dooku saying, “I’ve grown more powerful than any Jedi.” He then brings the object down onto the two Jedi. He doesn’t say, “Even you.”
The only problem with all this is that Dooku’s saber is still ignited as he runs inside of his ship, but I still want that shot. It’s only about a dozen frames long, so I’m painting the lightsaber out, frame by frame, in Photoshop.

Some miscellaneous notes:

-Anakin: Don’t say that, Master. I love you like a father. (adapted from rough draft)
-Insert swing music in nightclub. End it as patrons clap.
-MUTE DIALOGUE: You don’t need guidance, Anakin.

Anakin: But I have grown up (dialogue change). You said it yourself.
Padme: Please don’t look at me like that.
Cut.
Anakin: I’m sorry, milady.

Use deleted Jedi Analysis scene. Dub over robot’s voice (in robot mode in Audio HQ) to say “Dex’s” dialogue and identify the bullet. Delete the diner scene, therefore; not classy.

Oh, I should probably address the Jar-Jar question. I think what I’m going to do is use a modified version of MagnoliaFan’s subtitles (if he doesn’t mind) for Jar-Jar’s speech to the Senate. Why is he speaking in another language? Answer: He has to speak in Basic, because it’s the galactic standard. My dilemma, as I’ve said before, is that I don’t know whether I’m going to have time to go back and redo Episode I to the extent that I’m doing this one. Therefore, I think I’m going to create two versions of my edit; one containing Jar-Jar’s voice in a blend of the French and Spanish audio tracks (that still kind of sounds like his voice from Episode I), and one where Jar-Jar is dubbed in English with a British or Scottish accent. Being an animated character, lip synch is probably easier. This way, if I’m not able to do Episode I, then my Episode II will still be consistent with Lucas’ Episode I. If I do get around to Episode I soon, then there will be continuity as well.

Feel welcome to ask any questions; I’ll be happy to answer when I get the chance. Constructive criticism, suggestions, or new ideas are also welcome; I won’t get offended if you don’t agree on some of my changes; I just might not listen to you if I really like my change!

Trooperman

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Author: skyman8081
Time: 3-Apr-2005 9:59 PM
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have you thought about having Jar-Jar start in a MF-style dialog, and then have a translator speak in Basic a few seconds later. a'la the UN scene in Thirteen Days.

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabris, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 3-Apr-2005 10:33 PM
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WHY THE KESSEL are you taking the Yoda-Dokuu fight out!?!?!

Not even MagnoliaFan was that cynical!

Author: greencapt
Time: 3-Apr-2005 11:04 PM
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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
WHY THE KESSEL are you taking the Yoda-Dokuu fight out!?!?!

Not even MagnoliaFan was that cynical!

lol. I have to agree with Chaltab here. I *do* understand what trooper said about the lightning and the 'contest' aspects though- it slows the pace waaaay down. So may I suggest having Dooku make to leave... the Yoda footsteps and approach (still a nice dramatic moment), a quick reaction cut to Dooku and then back to Yoda drwaing his lightsabre... etc.

Just my 2 cents

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 3-Apr-2005 11:43 PM
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OK, so I guess the fact that Dokuu was so eager to fight Yoda is a bit unrealistic, but it could be edited so that Yoda intercepts him, which is what I think greencapt was saying.

Author: Commander Courage
Time: 3-Apr-2005 11:55 PM
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Awesome list Trooperman. There's a lot of stuff on there that I had considered doing for my edit one day. Now I will go total obsessed fanboy on you and comment on everything. Yes, I know I need a life.

First of all, I will not be dubbing Anakin until late in the game, possibly not until everything else is finished.
I know this isn't what you meant, but I think it would be a good idea to try and make your edit first without redubbing Anakin at all. That way if it doesn't turn out well we're just stuck with Hayden instead of nothing. But considering the nature of some of the alterations, such as the lakeside scene, this might not be possible.

[One think I don’t think fits is the “younglings” scene with Yoda. It seems to be a crowd-pleasing scene (“Aw, aren’t the little kids cute…”), and I think it also makes Obi-Wan look stupid. He doesn’t need a four year old to suggest that the information was deleted; Obi-Wan would have thought of that. I will still utilize a clip of this scene (maybe starting at the point where Obi-Wan asks Yoda whether it’s impossible for anyone to remove information from the archives.)
I'll be very interested in seeing how this is accomplished; those kids were SO weak.

But the bare midriff outfit especially is not in the style of the OT, and so every effort has been made in my edit to cut it down in the film.
Awwwwww....come on!

[Padme no longer gets on the gunship with Obi-Wan and Anakin; she continues to fight in the arena until we see her next (when she shoots at Dooku’s ship). This streamlines the Dooku chase as well, and we don’t have the “Padme falls off the ship” subplot.
The gunship stuff is good, but it's the scene where the trooper finds her which is incredibly weak. But you can't delete one and not the other I suppose.

[1. I’m keeping the fox logo but replacing the glimmering Lucasfilm logo with the original one, only it’s lifted from the Ewok DVD instead of the OT because it’s of better quality.
I don't really think that matters that much, but since you're going for the 70's feel it makes sense.

Anakin and Padme in the grass field has been reworked considerably...
Good. This scene had potential; I especially liked the insight into the mind of the future Vader.

“Blast, this is why I hate flying” and other dumb one-liners by Obi-Wan have been cut.

Please, please, please, delete "Good call my young Padawan!" Way too Batman and Robin for my taste.

8. You don’t see the back of Mace’s head before he ignites his lightsaber; completely ruins his entrance.
9. “This party’s over.” No longer present; didn’t sound very classy coming from a Master Jedi. A couple silly shots of Jedi igniting their sabers have also been cut.

Both good calls. The latter was Samuel L. Jackson, not Mace Windu. And here's a crazy thought, but have you considered making Mace's lightsaber blue? Either that or making other minor Jedi's blades purple, because only one violet saber in the entire galaxy is just silly.

The pause when Dooku about to kill Obi-Wan and Anakin jumps in has been shortened.

I take it you'll be deleted the horrendus CGI Anakin jumping across the room. HORRIBLE, I say, HORRIBLE!

And in case there was any question, Yoda will not be participating in a lightsaber fight with Count Dooku. Dooku will also not be trying to zap him with electricity. Dooku shouldn’t be concerned about having a “contest” with Yoda; he just wants to get the heck out of there. He also knows Yoda too well to try anything like force lightning against him. Therefore, we have Dooku saying, “I’ve grown more powerful than any Jedi.” He then brings the object down onto the two Jedi. He doesn’t say, “Even you.”
The only problem with all this is that Dooku’s saber is still ignited as he runs inside of his ship, but I still want that shot. It’s only about a dozen frames long, so I’m painting the lightsaber out, frame by frame, in Photoshop.

Since learning of the Yoda/Sidious battle in RotS, I had been considering this as well. However, I think there should be SOME sort of battle between the two, or all the build up with Yoda is for nothing. (And you have to admit, the anticipation of Yoda was one of the best parts of the movie). I suggest the "lightning" portion of the duel should stay. And after Yoda says, "Much to learn, you still have," Dooku does the falling object trick. And if "This is just the beginning" could be worked in there before he runs off, that'd be great, but it would take some very clever edting. The good thing about all this is it:
1-Saves Yoda with a lightsaber for Episode 3
2-Takes out all references to Yoda being Dooku's master (WAY too connected)
3-Removes the set up for another confrontation that doesn't happen

Use deleted Jedi Analysis scene. Dub over robot’s voice (in robot mode in Audio HQ) to say “Dex’s” dialogue and identify the bullet. Delete the diner scene, therefore; not classy.

THANK GOODNESS. That whole thing was ridiculous. Although it would have to be set up that Kamino is a planet of cloners.

Oh, I should probably address the Jar-Jar question...

Whatever it takes to fix Jar-Jar, man. Whatever it takes.

Feel welcome to ask any questions; I’ll be happy to answer when I get the chance. Constructive criticism, suggestions, or new ideas are also welcome; I won’t get offended if you don’t agree on some of my changes; I just might not listen to you if I really like my change!

Certainly.

If you're still reading this, then I do have a couple more:

-Editing out the fact that Zam Wessel was a shape shifter was a great decision by MagnoliaFan. If you plan on doing the same, I suggest this dialogue:
ANAKIN: I think he is a she.
OBI-WAN: In that case be extra careful.
That Obi-Wan is such a kidder.

-Boba Fett's childish moments need to be trimmed.
-If you were thinking about re-titling it, I think "Dark Force Rising" would be perfect, but that's just me.

Of course I have the easy job, sitting back making suggestions, and critiquing yours while you're the one doing all of the work. But like I said before, I'm just an obsessed fanboy with delusions of editorial grandure.

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 4-Apr-2005 12:26 AM
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Magfan's edit made no sense; there is no hint Zam is a changeling at all until she dies, and it is completely random when it happens. I don't get why he removed it. It would be like Luke pulling Vader's helmet off and not being confused to discover that Vader is a Zabrack!

Ok... Not quite that extreme, but you get the picture.

You could delete the [terrible] line "I think 'he' is a she,.."and just pick up where Ankikan says "I think she is a changling" deleting the "and"

Author: Commander Courage
Time: 4-Apr-2005 1:05 AM
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But the whole point is, she might be a changeling, but she certainly doesn't use it to her advantage in the club. Her being a changeling has no effect on anything. And when she turns green and shrivels up when she dies it can be assumed to be the work of the TOXIC DART. Makes sense, no?

Author: ChainsawAsh
Time: 4-Apr-2005 1:53 AM
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Idea on keeping the Yoda lightsaber duel, which is almost necessary in a way IMO.

Yoda walks in, Dooku turns to look. (I don't have the movie or a script handy now, so I don't know the lines, this is just from memory.)

YODA
Count Dooku.

Yoda ignites his lightsaber, Dooku turns to run. Cut to shot of Yoda jumping at him, and you hear Dooku's saber igniting - cut to abbreviated version of the battle, cutting completely "Fought well you have, my young Padawan" and "This is just the beginning" - when Yoda hops up on the wall, Sidious brings down the crane. He and Yoda lock sabers, Yoda looks to see the crane, turns off his lightsaber, Dooku runs, and Yoda saves the day.

Not sure if all that is possible, but better than cutting it all, IMO.

I also agree completely with the Changeling removal. That was idiotic setting that up and not using it.

Your edit has great potential, but I am wary of the Anakin dubbing...I'll have to see this for myself.

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 4-Apr-2005 2:36 AM
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But I thought the reptilian was her natural form and the human woman was Zam's change.

Author: greencapt
Time: 4-Apr-2005 9:12 AM
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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
But I thought the reptilian was her natural form and the human woman was Zam's change.

It may have been, but I agree that the whole thing was not needed unless it played a major plot point. Might have been cool to have the poison from the dart make her shrivel up, like the nazi at the end of 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade'. Of course that wouldn't have been needed either, but it would have made Jango look like a mean mamma-jamma!

Author: Darth Simon
Time: 4-Apr-2005 12:08 PM
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couple suggestions

first for the Yoda/Dooku battle.

I think that even though Dooku knows that Yoda is pretty darn powerful he still doesnt realize that even with his (Dooku's) darkside power Yoda still outpowers him. I think Using just the lightning scene would work. It could go something like this.

Yoda shows up confronts Dooku (some of the dialog could be cut/trimmed here, including the Yoda as Dooku's master stuff) Dooku does his boasting how the darkside has made him strong and given him all these powers the jedi dont have (blah blah blah, typical villian rant stuff

) it would be at this point that he throws lightning at yoda and yoda is all like whatever and just easily deflects/absorbs it. At this point Dooku would be like damn, ive underestimated him and throw the crane or whatever it is down on anakin and obi-wan.

now a major problem i have with this is the amount of effort yoda seems to put into it. Seems like it took him some work, this shouldnt have really been a problem for someone with yoda's power. it seems to contradict yoda's comments on size not mattering from the OT. I think if you cut some of the scenes so yoda doesnt seem to take as long/struggle as much. basically make it so it distracts yoda for just enough time for Dooku to get on his ship and take off. also do something similar with the electric blasts if you can to reduce yoda's apparent effort...thinking about it i think they were like with a cgi yoda look at all the expressions we can put on his face so they made him look constipated while deflecting the electric and the crane.

also i think obi-wan's appearance needs to get cut after his injury (if thats kept in) Dooku only gave him two cuts one on his arm and one on his leg, yet he was completely helpless and couldnt even use the force to keep the crane from falling on him, i mean, the wounds were courterized (sp?) so not like he was week from blood loss, i can see anakin being out of it from shock of loosing a limb, but obi-wan just ends up looking like a little wimp that cant handle a little scrape.

one other thing is i could almost see getting rid of the electric that Dooku shoots at yoda just because it takes away from when the emperor does it in Jedi.

now that i think about it, this seen is filled with contradictions/problems might be better to just get rid of it

Actually that wouldnt be possible cause it eliminates anakin loosing his arm, but maybe cut it to the bare essentials

something along the lines of quick attack by anakin (similar to how it is in the movie, he goes ahead of obiwan irrationally), obi wan jumps in, anakin reattacks looses his arm, yoda enters, dooku throws the cran on anakin/obi-wan, yoda moves to save them, dooku makes his escape.

Why Anakin really turned to the dark side:
"Anakin, You're father I am" - Yoda
"No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!" - Anakin

0100111001101001011011100110101001100001

*touchy people disclaimer*
some or all of the above comments are partially exaggerated to convey a point, none of the comments are meant as personal attacks on anyone mentioned or reference in the above post

Author: Trooperman
Time: 4-Apr-2005 9:35 PM
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WHY THE KESSEL are you taking the Yoda-Dokuu fight out!?!?!

Because it’s silly, and not in the style of the OT.

I know this isn't what you meant, but I think it would be a good idea to try and make your edit first without redubbing Anakin at all. That way if it doesn't turn out well we're just stuck with Hayden instead of nothing. But considering the nature of some of the alterations, such as the lakeside scene, this might not be possible.

Good idea, but I don’t think I’m going to create a finished version of my edit with Hayden’s voice. However, after I have made all of my cuts and adjustments (with the original voice), I will archive it before creating the new sound mix, so as to have something to fall back on if the dubbing doesn’t work (but it will!).

Please, please, please, delete "Good call my young Padawan!" Way too Batman and Robin for my taste.

Will do; I don’t mind that change. I’ll change it to, “Good call.”

i mean, the wounds were courterized

If lightsaber wounds are cauterized, then why the pile of blood on the floor of the cantina in the original SW? Just a thought.

Idea on keeping the Yoda lightsaber duel, which is almost necessary in a way IMO.

this seen is filled with contradictions/problems might be better to just get rid of it

We clearly have some differences of opinion here; this has become a hot topic! Perhaps you will understand where I’m coming from when you see my plan for the scene:

Obi-Wan and Anakin enter the room. (first three notes of Space Odyssey theme).

Dooku turns to face them (the two dramatic chords following).

Obi-Wan: We’ll take him together.
CUT
Shot of Dooku smiling knowingly.

CUT to clone war footage which has been excised previously in the film for this purpose. Then, suddenly, we cut unexpectedly to the clashing of lightsabers (in classic Star Wars tradition). We see Obi-Wan and Dooku in the middle of their duel. We have a shot sandwiched in of Anakin lying on the floor, smoking and helpless. Dooku had defeated him easily.

This serves two purposes: I needed to get rid of Dooku’s lightning (explained below), and I also wanted to make Anakin seem less stupid. Yes, I know that the attempt was to make Anakin seem headstrong and too ambitious, but he just winds up looking stupid. Better to cut away from the battle for a while and then come back in the middle of the duel with Obi-Wan.

Fight between Obi-Wan and Dooku progresses, until the Count wounds Obi-Wan (I’ll see what I can do about making his wound bigger). Dooku lifts his saber to deal the death-blow, but is stopped by Anakin’s blade (a surprise. I’ve omitted the CG shot of Anakin jumping across the room. This makes sense because without seeing Dooku zap Anakin, you don’t know how far away from Obi-Wan he is.

Dooku’s dialogue about how he thought Anakin learned his lesson is confirmation for the audience that Dooku wounded Anakin (if they needed any).

And I’ve left it alone until Yoda comes in. At that point, Dooku sends the objects flying at Yoda with the Force, and Yoda stops them all. “The dark side I sense in you,” says Yoda. “This is just the beginning,” says Dooku (dialogue taken from lightsaber fight). And then he uses the force to bring the crane down onto the Jedi. Yoda saves the day (with a little less effort than in the film), but Dooku escapes.

Why am I deleting the electricity scene with Yoda and Dooku, you ask? I think that the Force electricity should be a special power that only Palpatine has. This would raise ROTJ’s impact, because this is the first time the audience has seen anything like this. That’s why I’ve deleted all three times when Dooku uses the electricity. The lightning in this one doesn’t look real; it looks CG. Also, the thing that bothered me the most was the lack of effort with which Dooku uses the electricity. If you look at the scene in ROTJ, Palpatine is putting forth an enormous effort when he zaps Luke; he isn’t casual like Dooku. And is Palpatine not more powerful than Dooku? It has always bothered me how Dooku doesn’t look like he’s really doing anything.

I might change this to include the lightning scene with Yoda if the cut winds up with a weak build-up and finale. I don’t know; the lightning with Yoda actually worked really well dramatically. I’ll think long and hard about that one. But I’m sticking to my guns on Yoda with a lightsaber! (in this film, anyway)

Other changes….

Oh, yes. I like the idea of Zam’s not being a changeling. It serves no purpose other than a needless distraction, and removing the changeling line does result in that funny line by Obi-Wan (in that case, be extra careful). Immediately after that, I’ll cut to a wide shot of the club, and the music will come more to the foreground. Therefore, I will use MagnoliaFan’s ideas in regard to that.

Thanks for all the advice! I value your input and oftentimes make use of it in my work.

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Author: Trooperman
Time: 4-Apr-2005 9:35 PM
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Sorry, accidentally posted twice.

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 4-Apr-2005 10:41 PM
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Originally posted by: Trooperman

WHY THE KESSEL are you taking the Yoda-Dokuu fight out!?!?!

Because it’s silly, and not in the style of the OT.

Not even MagnoliaFan was that cynical!

Ha ha! I take that as a compliment. I am attempting to make a “classic” out of Ep. II and to give it an older feel, and Yoda with a lightsaber goes against this.

Granted, but the fight is still awesome except for Yoda's stupid aero-batics. You could just remove those.

Please, please, please, delete "Good call my young Padawan!" Way too Batman and Robin for my taste.

Will do; I don’t mind that change. I’ll change it to, “Good call.”

Defintely get rid of that. It reminds me of the old Batman and Robin cartoon. *cringes*

If lightsaber wounds are cauterized, then why the pile of blood on the floor of the cantina in the original SW? Just a thought.

Maybe his race has large veins or something.

Why am I deleting the electricity scene with Yoda and Dooku, you ask? I think that the Force electricity should be a special power that only Palpatine has. This would raise ROTJ’s impact, because this is the first time the audience has seen anything like this. That’s why I’ve deleted all three times when Dooku uses the electricity. The lightning in this one doesn’t look real; it looks CG. Also, the thing that bothered me the most was the lack of effort with which Dooku uses the electricity. If you look at the scene in ROTJ, Palpatine is putting forth an enormous effort when he zaps Luke; he isn’t casual like Dooku. And is Palpatine not more powerful than Dooku? It has always bothered me how Dooku doesn’t look like he’s really doing anything.

Maybe it is because he is so old? Dokuu is clearly younger in AoTC than Palps of RotJ... (I assume he's younger than Palps of the Prequels. And I doubt the Emperor would have been in prime physical condition after years of being the dictator of the galaxy)

How much of the Coruscant Elevator scene are you keeping in? That scene sort of rubs me the wrong way, but I'm not sure if it could be cut without making the characters come from nowhere.

Author: Darth Simon
Time: 5-Apr-2005 12:18 AM
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Trooper, i def agree on the electric...yeah it was cool seeing yoda just be like ok, whatever ill just catch the energy and throw it back/'absorb' it. that did make him look more powerful, but as ive said yoda puts way to much effort forward...lucas kind of removes the awe from yoda by showing him do these things, that while cool dont really meet up to what we've all imagined his power to be after seeing the OT, so im glad your gonna make yoda exert less effort.

Your description of the fight scene kinda matches how i was thinking it would work in the last line of my previous post, so i think that might be along the right lines to get what your going for (obviously it will need to be seen and some adjustments might need to be made)

cauterized, im not sure what pile of blood (though blood normally pools

) you are talking about when Ponda Baba's arm gets cut off. But think about it, the blade was hot enough to melt through a blast door (ok, thats pt so dismiss it if you want) when luke lost his arm there was not blood, Ponda Babas arm wasnt gushing blood (nor was anakins) when it got cut off. yeah there was some blood, but i kinda would expect even with cauterization there would be some blood (especially in amputations). Obi-wans cuts werent really bleeding same with Qui-Gon, or Darth Maul...again there was some blood, but enough for visual effect and what you could attribute to the spray before the veins are cauterized. but cauterized or not, obi-wan had the equivelant of scraps and he was out for the count, couldnt even raise a force lift to save his own life from a falling crane, yet he's gonna be one of the jedi to survive the mass slaying of all the jedi.

Lucas had the opportunity to show us these extremely powerful jedi of old, except he shows us a Jedi master that at 50ish years younger has more trouble lifting a small crane as compared to an x-wing (remember size matters not, so it shouldnt matter either way the size, they should be equally as easy). Plus, i dont even think age matters (i think chaltab mentioned palpatines age vs dooku's in relation to the ease of the force lightning) Wouldnt it be more of a mental strength and a connection with the force that allows you to do force related things easier, not the fact that your physically 50 years younger...if that was the case maybe those kids should have been teaching yoda

With the mention of dooku's ease of using the force lighning compared to palpatine, plus the fact that it ruins the impact for when palpatine uses it in jedi, i say get rid of it, yodas deflection of it isnt worth it, keep us imagining how powerful yoda is, it gives a better impact than you could ever get showing it on screen (also, as an explanation, palpatine might have been putting more energy forth cause his lightning was a lot more powerful than dooku's)

-Darth Simon

Author: The Bizzle
Time: 5-Apr-2005 12:35 AM
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I am attempting to make a “classic” out of Ep. II

Whoooooo boy are you wasting your time.

I honestly think most of these fan edit projects would be better spent just creating wholly unique fan films or something.

The Best Show You've Never Heard