Episode I: The Phantom Strikes - TPM Edit by tehwallaby (* unfinished project *)

I guess the time has come for me to make this thread. This is the first in a series of three edits where I will be editing the Star Wars prequels in line with my vision for the trilogy. These edits are primarily for myself, but if you don’t like something please tell me, I’d love to hear from you.

So, the first edit in this series will be The Phantom Strikes. For the sake of clarity I will update the lists below as I go.

Edits:

• A lot of silly and unnecessary dialogue will be trimmed throughout (eg "There’s the blockade!" - Oh, really, do you think that might be a blockade?)

• A new Sound Mix, complete with the redubs, and new sound effects.

• Appearances of the Neimodians cut down to keep them shadowy and mysterious.

• Scenes where Neimodians do appear may be redubbed, perhaps even in an “alien” language.

• Qui-Gon Jinn’s lightsabre will be yellow.

• Scenes with Jar Jar will be toned down, to keep his antics to a minimum.

• Jar Jar may be redubbed, and his character changed to be more like Threepio.

A Basic Synopsis (with comments about the cuts):

Alternate Opening Crawl - Based off of this.

Negotiations - There are no shots of the Neimodians, you just see all of the Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan parts.

Cut straight to the invasion force on Naboo - Meeting Jar Jar cut to a minimum.

No Otoh Gungah, no planet core.

Dramatic rescue of the Naboo - A few small cuts here and there throughout, making this punchier and faster.

Running the Blockade - Again, trimmed throughout.

Landing on Tattoine - See above.

Visiting Watto’s Junkyard - Anakin’s lines cut to a minimum, as well as Jar Jar’s hijinks.

No fight with Sebulba.

Sheltering At the Skywalker Home - Small cuts, Threepio is built by Anakin but less dialogue by Anakin, conversation about slavery altered slightly, a lot of sections toned down to make Anakin a quiet, contemplative child.

The Podrace Sequence - Faster, punchier, more action and less shots of the actual racers. Just super-fast pods ripping around the track with explosions all around.

Anakin Beats Up Greedo - To show his dark side. Subtle use of Imperial March as foreshadowing.

This is as far as I have gone in the edit so far, and I’ll probably start over again when I have my better computer back and I can use my higher quality rips and better software.

Thanks to Bingowings, and everyone over in the Prequel Radical Redux Thread, along with your ideas, being able to post my ideas in the thread has helped me figure out my edit.

That’s all for now, but please respond to my ideas, I’d like to hear from you.

AxiaEuxine said : No one on the Earth complains about the length of the freeway chase in Matrix Reloaded.

They do on my planet, I like the extended pod race for the actual race footage but I hate the wonky cartoon racers in the pods and the two headed announcer guy in any version they appear in. The extra Tusken/Jawa stuff is fine by me though.

I wouldn't want Jar Jar painted out. When I first saw him on screen, before he opened his mouth, I had visions of a nervous, yet knowledgeable friend for the Jedi, like Threepio, that's what I'm aiming for with my edit.

QUI-GON and JAR JAR pull themselves out of the mud. They stand watching the
war machine dissapear into the mist. JAR JAR grabs QUI-GON and hugs him.

JAR JAR : Thankyou sir, how will I ever repay you?

QUI-GON : Are you brainless? You almost got us killed!
JAR JAR : I'm speaking aren't I?
QUI-GON : The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Now get outta
here!

QUI-GON starts to move off, and JAR JAR follows.

JAR JAR : I'm staying, I need your protection.
QUI-GON : That wont be necessary.
JAR JAR : But master, I'm defenseless. I'm Jar Jar, who might you be?

In the distance, two STAPS burst out of the mist at high speed, chasing
OBI-WAN.

QUI-GON : I have no time for this now...
JAR JAR : Sorry master.

The two STAPS barrell down on OBI-WAN.

QUI-GON throws JAR JAR into the mud.

QUI-GON : Stay down!

His head pops up.

JAR JAR : We're doomed!

The two troops fire laser bolts at OBI-WAN. QUI-GON deflects the bolts
back, and the STAPS blow up. One-two. OBI-WAN is exhausted and tries to
catch his breath.

JAR JAR : Oh my, thankyou master! Again!
OBI-WAN : What's this?
QUI-GON : A local. Let's go, before more of those droids show up.
JAR JAR : More! What are you talking about?

OBI-WAN and QUI-GON start to run. JAR JAR tries to keep up.

JAR JAR : (cont'd) Masters, if your looking for the Queen, she would be in Theed.

They all stop.

QUI-GON : Can you take us there?
JAR JAR : Come to think of it, they don't think to kindly of my type in Theed.
QUI-GON : No??!

A PULSATING SOUND is heard in the distance.

QUI-GON : You hear that?

JAR JAR shakes his head yes.

QUI-GON : (cont'd) That's the sound of a thousand terrible things heading
this way...
OBI-WAN : When they find us, they will crush us, grind us into little
pieces, then blast us into oblivion! (this is my favourite line by Obi-Wan throughout TPM)
JAR JAR : Actually, I might be able to risk it...Quickly!

Not sure about the dialogue, this is from an online script. But you get the idea, hopefully.

I really wanted to play up the whole life debt thing, so I threw in the "Masters" line, I'm trying to keep him submissive, but useful.

That's awesome! I was going to cut out the Otoh Gunga scene, but your ideas might make it run better. Mind if I borrow this for The Phantom Strikes?

By the way, if anyone has/can put on a Welsh accent, and would like to be the voice of Jar Jar, could you please send me a sample of your voice, perhaps doing the lines above, so that I can see how you go?

tehwallaby said:

QUI-GON and JAR JAR pull themselves out of the mud. They stand watching the
war machine dissapear into the mist. JAR JAR grabs QUI-GON and hugs him.

JAR JAR : Thankyou sir, how will I ever repay you?

QUI-GON : Are you brainless? You almost got us killed!
JAR JAR : I'm speaking aren't I?
QUI-GON : The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Now get outta
here!

QUI-GON starts to move off, and JAR JAR follows.

JAR JAR : I'm staying, I need your protection.
QUI-GON : That wont be necessary.
JAR JAR : But master, I'm defenseless. I'm Jar Jar, who might you be?

In the distance, two STAPS burst out of the mist at high speed, chasing
OBI-WAN.

QUI-GON : I have no time for this now...
JAR JAR : Sorry master.

The two STAPS barrell down on OBI-WAN.

QUI-GON throws JAR JAR into the mud.

QUI-GON : Stay down!

His head pops up.

JAR JAR : We're doomed!

The two troops fire laser bolts at OBI-WAN. QUI-GON deflects the bolts
back, and the STAPS blow up. One-two. OBI-WAN is exhausted and tries to
catch his breath.

JAR JAR : Oh my, thankyou master! Again!
OBI-WAN : What's this?
QUI-GON : A local. Let's go, before more of those droids show up.
JAR JAR : More! What are you talking about?

OBI-WAN and QUI-GON start to run. JAR JAR tries to keep up.

JAR JAR : (cont'd) Masters, if your looking for the Queen, she would be in Theed.

They all stop.

QUI-GON : Can you take us there?
JAR JAR : Come to think of it, they don't think to kindly of my type in Theed.
QUI-GON : No??!

A PULSATING SOUND is heard in the distance.

QUI-GON : You hear that?

JAR JAR shakes his head yes.

QUI-GON : (cont'd) That's the sound of a thousand terrible things heading
this way...
OBI-WAN : When they find us, they will crush us, grind us into little
pieces, then blast us into oblivion! (this is my favourite line by Obi-Wan throughout TPM)
JAR JAR : Actually, I might be able to risk it...Quickly!

Not sure about the dialogue, this is from an online script. But you get the idea, hopefully.

I did a cut of Phantom, and used Spanish for Jar-Jar (kinda like  the Magnolia edit.) But anyway, I made him more of a sarcastic character... This movie really needed someone to mouth off now and again. I never released the edit, because I cut so much out, because I find so much of the movie annoying that after I was done, even though it was far less obnoxious, it was just a really boring movie. Anyway, that was just a suggestion, maybe the 3P0 thing could work here.

Another edit I'm probably going to make is the Battle Droids, I'm going to have them speak like in Mag Fan's edit, except when talking to organics, and when they speak Basic it will be a different voice.

Yeah... But the less they talk the better IMO. I agree with the poster who said that it makes more sense that they don't speak as they are remotely controlled. Wouldn't they all know the same stuff at the same time?

Back in 1963 when the Daleks first turned up on Doctor Who they had to figure out a way of showing which Dalek was speaking, they already had the lights on the top so their elegant solution was to have them flash on and off in time with the dialogue.

You could do this with the battledroids, add one colour light for recieving orders from the central computer (maybe with a tiny computer chat sound like the probe droids have) and another colour light flash on in the rare occation that they actually speak (hopefully in a more menacing voice).

The little aerial on their backs may be a good location for this or in the case of the Super-Battledroids on their chest.

They certainly don't need to chat to each other if they are all getting their orders from the same source.

Bingowings said:

Back in 1963 when the Daleks first turned up on Doctor Who they had to figure out a way of showing which Dalek was speaking, they already had the lights on the top so their elegant solution was to have them flash on and off in time with the dialogue.

You could do this with the battledroids, add one colour light for recieving orders from the central computer (maybe with a tiny computer chat sound like the probe droids have) and another colour light flash on in the rare occation that they actually speak (hopefully in a more menacing voice).

The little aerial on their backs may be a good location for this or in the case of the Super-Battledroids on their chest.

They certainly don't need to chat to each other if they are all getting their orders from the same source.

That would be interesting... And not too hard to do either.

The way I've always imagined it, is that all the droid commanders and the like were sent the orders, and they relayed it on to the battle droids.

Well, like I always say, do the edit the you would want to see. =)

I'm just unsure of what kind of effect I'm going for. I was thinking a fast, random, cilck track, over the top of white noise that has a "Wahwah" effect applied, but I'm having trouble generating a random click track. Does anyone have any ideas as to that?

Sir and lord both sound like good alternatives, once I have a voice picked out, I can start working on the dialogue itself, beyond these initial plans. I'm looking at finding an arrangement of the opening theme that goes for 2 minutes, as my crawl is longer than the original. I've also worked in the Imperial March at various places, first in scenes with the droid invasion, and then again in several scenes with Anakin.

I've found a way to record the Neimodian lines, the alien language is in the vain of this:

Nupwaw, guz ajuk nij, huv pes bur adimjif, mukfostiv buhihweh kejcudkeh nip.

(Of course, as you know our blockade is legal, we'd be happy to have the ambassadors.)