_ender, you have a habit of acting holier than thou at times.
Define that for me in the context of this forum, because I feel that correcting others is something we all do.
There’s a certain righteousness about it — the tenor of your posts makes it sound like you’re crusading around the forum, ridding it of the sin that has affected oh so many people.
Hopefully that communicates it.
I have jumped to your defense before. Would you rather I not do so? Is that too “holier than thou”?
The problem isn’t with if you’ve defended me or not. It’s your attitude towards this kind of thing.
Well, unfortunately you are being very nonspecific. I don’t know how I could change my approach.
Let me share another example. Several weeks ago, I was very upset. I was short on sleep and irritated with the changes in moderation style. TV’s Frink, who had made several complaints of his own, reacted rudely and dismissively towards my vocal complaints. I found this very hurtful: in private, he complains, but in public, he humiliates me for having the same feelings. I told him in private that maybe he’s not as good a friend as I thought he was. Now, I was very emotional at the time, but I don’t think a good friend should do that. Then I thought the whole thing blew over.
Well, a few weeks later, several comments I made were followed by something subtle but insulting from Frink. They weren’t provoked. My comments were in no way offensive towards him. They were just benign comments with disparaging follow-up. Now, I happened to find this sort of behavior hurtful. So I PM’d Mr. Frink (and I apologize for sharing our PM conversation, but I don’t think there was anything too personal in there). Realizing why he was likely being so rude, I asked him what his reasoning was. He said that I had said some hurtful things to him and he hadn’t gotten over that. I apologized and let him know that he hard hurt me too. We kissed and made up (surprisingly hairy!). But I realized that, wow, he really does like to repeatedly push buttons and bully those on his crap list.
So I see certain other members here that he likes to harass, and it bothers me greatly. So, in spite of my much less frequent posting, I feel compelled to intervene. Perhaps, because my posts are generally so much rarer, a greater percentage of them are devoted to this behavior. Maybe, that’s why I appear holier-than-thou.
But regardless of how you feel about me or my behavior, I know from firsthand experience that TV’s Frink can be hurtful and vindictive. I know that he will relentless bother someone he feels deserves it.
On the other hand, I also know that he is a very kind and caring individual. In spite of our differences in politics and religion, I enjoy conversing with him.
If I did not consider myself his friend, I would be much harsher in my criticism of him. It is because I do care about him that I am asking him to reform a bit. Not a lot, because I enjoy who he is. I defended him in his spats with Jetrell Fo, even though I thought for a while that often he was the one who would trigger them anew. But I stand by my initial claim, regardless of how anyone thinks I appear: TV’s Frink needs to be more considerate of others’ feelings and back down a bit, especially when it is obviously hurting someone else. If he is unwilling to do so, then he really isn’t a good friend. Friends give criticism to each other, but try to do so in a constructive manner. This is what I have attempted to do. Friends also take criticism from others with grace. Even in the course of this conversation, I have tried to take criticism from oojason and DominicCobb with grace. I am not trying to be holier than thou. I am trying to get Frink to change his ways, and I am trying to do so in a productive manner.