I’ve watched the previous version of this edit, and although there’s a lot to like I don’t think the Scarif scenes work very well as a high-octane ‘prologue’ to the film. I think the problem comes down to the sequence being too long to avoid getting bogged down in a battle on multiple fronts.
So my suggestions:
Keep the ‘A Long Time Ago’ text before the Scarif scene, but lose the Solo-esque text. All the description we need comes in the crawl.
Keep the battle focused on only the ships above the shield - it would be simple to just cut the ships that got through and imply that the shield closed successfully before anything got through. It would also help to edit this footage for legibility, for example showing the massive TIE assault then immediately cut to Red 5 being overwhelmed, and showing the ships taking out the Star Destroyer’s shields and then cutting to the Y-wings knocking out its power.
For the end of the Scarif sequence, it feels strange to simply cut from the ship going to hyperspace to the opening crawl, since it implies that they made a clean getaway. There’s no ‘hook’ to draw the audience into asking what happens next. It also makes the Empire seem weak for getting completely bested in this battle. For this I think the way to end it is to keep Vader’s assault on the Rebel fleet as well as his boarding of the flagship. This way we introduce the plans as a physical item and hint at what they contain (due to the outline of the Death Star - I think it’s a mistake to show the real Death Star this early anyway). End the scene on the shot of Vader watching the fleeing Tantive IV, since even though it’s somewhat of a continuity issue with the next scene it establishes that Vader is personally hunting this ship. In fact, if you wanted to avoid this issue it would be simple to cut some of Leia’s expository bluffing and have Vader cut to the chase:
‘Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this.’
‘Don’t act so surprised your highness, you weren’t on any mercy mission this time.’
‘I’m a member of the Imperial Senate…’
‘You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Take her away!’
Leia’s strategy should merely be to to use her influence as a senator to dissuade Vader since she knows a bluff is useless.
I think moving the Vader lightsaber action back to the prologue amps up the suspense when the ship is boarded in the next scene, and it’s a bit of a rug pull when Vader holds back and lets his troops do the work.
Anyway, just my 2 (or 20) cents.