21 THINGS ALANIS MORISSETTE WANT IN A LOVER

Read Ms. Morissette’s wants (not particularly needs) below and see how you qualify as a potential lover.

1. Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
2. Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
3. Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
4. Do you see everything as an illusion?
5. But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
6. Are you both masculine and feminine?
7. Politically aware?
8. And don’t believe in capital punishment?
9. Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
10. Are you funny?
11. Self-deprecating?
12. Like adventure?
13. And have many formed opinions?
14. Are you uninhibited in bed?
15. More than three times a week?
16. Up for being experimental?
17. Are you athletic?
18. Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
19. Are you not addicted?
20. Curious?
21. Communicative?

Here are my answers:

1. Yes.
2. Is this a trick question? I can’t tell if you’re asking if I do or don’t play dirty. If the former, then yes. If the latter, then no.
3. Yes.
4. Yes.
5. No.
6. This begs the question: What is masculine? What is feminine?
7. Fuck no!
8. Those who are genuinely remorseful and repentant deserve mercy. If not, then it’s an eye for an eye.
9. Sure, if the other party ever bothered to reciprocate.
10. I have it on good authority that my sense of humour is an acquired taste.
11. Sure.
12. I would if I ever had any.
13. I suppose.
14. I would be if given the opportunity!
15. Yes! A million times YES!
16. To a point.
17. Alas, not really. I have recently taken up riding on an exercise bike for about an hour everyday again, though.
18. I’m unemployed, unfortunately.
19. To porn, food, and soda pop? Yes, and I hate it.
20. Yes.
21. Not as much as I should be or want to be.

Alright, tallying up my score – giving half-marks for questions 2, 9, 10, 13, 14, and 21 – I get a total of …

12/21