Hello. This was originally posted on Reddit, but somebody deleted my post without any explanation or notification whatsoever. One of the users who saw my original post contacted me and suggested I repost it here. The following is my original Reddit post, adjusted for formatting.
A long time ago I came up with a splendidly stupid idea: I’d take the subtitles to Star Wars and feed them through Bad Translator (http://ackuna.com/badtranslator). I managed to get halfway through before things stopped working right on the Bad Translator’s side - I can still use Yandex to translate manually, which I did for several lines towards the end, but it takes far too much time that way. I hoped I could present you with a complete silly mistranslation of the entire OT, but it seems that a half of Star Wars will have to do.
Anyway, here are some hand-picked examples of silliest mistranslations:
Original —> Bad translation
We’ll be sent to the spice mines of Kessel, or smashed into who knows what!
—> These trees are David, so the conditions of the boiler.
Don’t you call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease!
—> Call me blind, very strong, a philosopher, a standard oil!
Thank the maker! This oil bath is going to feel so good.
—> Thank you to the author! Oils, like my father, I feel good about myself and ointment.
I’ve got such a bad case of dust contamination, I can barely move.
—> You can contact people who are already married.
Boy, it’s lucky you had these compartments.
—> Son, you need to be happy with this gopher.
Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise.
—> Only Islam is awesome, very reasonable.
I can’t understand how we got by those troops. I thought we were dead.
—> I don’t know how to reach God. I thought he was dead.
The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.
—> The impact of alcohol consumption may affect the brain.
You just watch yourself. We’re wanted men. I have the death sentence on 12 systems.
—> Come, you’ll see. We have a friend, and she is 12 years old.
This little one’s not worth the effort.
—> These people should not be high.
Fast ship? You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
—> Speed in the water, but you don’t hear anything from the eagle.
…any Imperial entanglements.
—> It’s just the bloody point of the Kingdom of God.
All systems are operational. What course shall we set?
—> Windows can’t protect you?
She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.
—> It can be many things, but this is one of the most important things for small children.
Stop that ship! Blast them!
—> I can get in the pool! It’s incredible!
Watch your mouth, kid, or you’re gonna find yourself floating home.
—> Attention, the United Kingdom can find houses in the water.
I’m surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself.
—> I’m surprised management is responsible for the person’s name and surname.
That’s ’cause a droid don’t pull people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose.
—> He is really good when he screams…
I suggest you try it again, Luke.
—> I suggest you try another hole.
We’ve come out of hyperspace into a meteor shower.
—> We dropped out of the bathroom in the future.
You can download the subtitles here: http://www.mediafire.com/download/ye6q939mttfn58j/SW_DE25_Eng_SILLY.zip. They’re modified subs from Harmy’s Star Wars Despecialized Edition 2.5, so I recommend playing that version, loading the subs and setting the audio to a language you don’t speak. Enjoy!