Post #983655

EXT. ORRON III – ZORQO’S ZOO OF ZANINESS/ENTRANCE – DAY

The DuQuesnes, Kenobis, and the Skywalker kid enter the grounds of Zorqo’s Zoo of Zaniness with thousands of other visitors. A medium-sized amusement park, a fair amount of various different attractions and rides can be seen over the throngs of people.

NEMEC: (sighs) Well, we’re here. Now what?

CORIN: We could visit the Wormhole of Love.

NEMEC: Wormhole of Love?

CORIN: Like we did when we were teenagers. (beat) Stars, how long ago was that? Seventy years?

NEMEC: Seventy-three.

CORIN: Remember our first ride through the Wormhole –

NEMEC: Fifth ride, Corin, fifth.

CORIN: (cont’d) First, fifth – whichever, it doesn’t matter. (beat) It was the most romantic night of our lives. It was the night we truly became one –

NASHIRA: (covers her ears with her hands) I don’t need to be hearing this!

CORIN: (cont’d) – the night we realized we’d be together always.

NEMEC: (smiles) 'Til death do we part.

CORIN: (grins) Yes, exactly.

NEMEC: (sighs) That was a good night, dear, but I’m too old for cliched rides like that now. (claps Anakin on the back) The Wormhole of Love’s perfect for Nashira and her snot-nosed punk of a boyfriend, though.

ANAKIN: (frowns) Who’s snot-nosed?

Nemec pulls Nik and 'Shira to him then lightly pushes them out, away from the rest of the group.

NEMEC: Go on, Nik, take Nashira and go ride through the Wormhole. There’s a good chance you’ll never get the opportunity again.

Deciding to do as the man says, Anakin and Nashira join hands and head off in search of the Wormhole of Love. In short order, they’re both lost from sight within the crowd.

OBI-WAN: So what should the rest of we four do? (looks about the park) I’m kind of lost here, so I can’t really offer any suggestions.

NEMEC: (places a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder) I’m hungry. Are you?

OBI-WAN: Well, I suppose –

NEMEC: I’ll treat you to a sausage or a burger – whatever levitates your skiff. We’ll leave the girls to find their own entertainment.

OBI-WAN: I wouldn’t want to just ditch Siri and Corin like that ….

SIRI: (smiles wryly) I wouldn’t mind.

CORIN: You boys run off, enjoy yourselves. That’s what we’re all here for, after all, isn’t it?

NEMEC: (grins) See? They can’t wait to be rid of our ugly faces. So let’s be off!

At that, the two men depart, Nemec’s hand placed firmly on Obi-Wan’s back to lead him along. Obi-Wan turns to look back at Siri, staring daggers her way. She merely gives him a parting wave and a smile in response.

EXT. ZORQO’S ZOO OF ZANINESS/PLAZA – DAY

Some minutes have passed and Anakin and Nashira are utterly lost within the park.

ANAKIN: So where are we going?

NASHIRA: Why ask me? I haven’t a clue.

ANAKIN: Great, so where ever this Wormhole is, we’ll never find it.

NASHIRA: (frowns) Don’t be a ship in the mud. We’ll just ask someone for directions.

The two then spend the next few minutes asking others for directions to the Wormhole of Love. No one, however, seems to know where it is.

ANAKIN: Well, that was a wild goose chase.

Nashira then notices a SKRILLING CLOWN standing propped up against a sign post with a DIMINUTIVE NEAR-HUMAN NELWYN sitting on the ground beside him. Both are currently smoking cigarettes.

NASHIRA: They work here. They’re bound to know where the Wormhole is.

Pulling Nik along behind her, Nashira approaches the two odd figures.

NASHIRA: (smiles) Hello.

The Skrilling clown – RUSTYK – takes a drag on his cigarette, takes one glance down at 'Shira, then takes his gaze back off her, exhaling a big cloud of purple smoke without the slightest change coming to his surly face.

RUSTYK: Hey, kid.

NASHIRA: We’re looking for the Wormhole of Love, but we’re kinda lost.

RUSTYK: Lost, eh? (takes a puff on his cigarette) Shoulda bought a map at the front entrance, kid.

ANAKIN: (irate) Do you know where the damn ride is or not?

Rustyk centres his gaze upon Anakin for the first time.

RUSTYK: You got pluck, kid.

Taking another deep drag on his cigarette, Rustyk blows the thick, purple smoke in Anakin’s face. The young man begins coughing violently as the cloying miasma is drawn into his lungs.

RUSTYK: (cont’d) I hate pluck.

Starting to lose her own temper, 'Shira takes an angry step forward to the unappealing clown.

NASHIRA: Do you know where the Wormhole of Love is or don’t you?

Finishing his cigarette, Rustyk tosses the butt away then looks down upon his companion.

RUSTYK: You know where the Wormhole of Love’s at, Mr. Eenyt?

Without a single word, MR. EENYT points upward. Following his finger, Nashira finds a sign with “WORMHOLE OF LOVE” stencilled in big white letters on the signpost pointing the way to the ride.

RUSTYK: Have the time of your life, kid.

EXT. ZORQO’S ZOO OF ZANINESS/ROUTE 999 – DAY

Having followed the sign, Nashira and Nik have reached their destination. Instead of finding the entrance to the Wormhole of Love, however, they instead find a ride labelled “ROUTE 999”, the entrance into it consisting of a large, monstrous head with an open mouth leading deep into a dark abyss. The ride’s barker – a TALL, GAUNT PAU’AN dressed in a black top hat and tailcoat – directs visitors over to the ride with dramatic flourish.

BARKER: Do you pitiful, vulnerable, ephemeral souls have the heart, the spirit, the gumption, the bravado to brave the sorrows and torments of the Nine Corellian Hells and emerge unscathed? If so, take your chances on Route 999!

'Shira and Nik approach the barker.

BARKER: (removes his hat and takes a bow before them) Greetings, my fine young kidbits. My name is Karyon Adder and I’ll be your usher into the harrows of Hells! Do you wish to endanger, to sacrifice, your immortal souls travelling down Route 999?

NASHIRA: Isn’t this supposed to be the Wormhole of Love?

KARYON ADDER (BARKER): It was – forty-five years ago. Kids today don’t want rides into dimensions of mushy gushy romance, though – they want descents into chaos universes+ of wailing and gnashing of teeth – so it was deconverted into the cannon into carnality which now towers before you!

ANAKIN: (points behind him with his thumb) But the sign back there said this was the way to the Wormhole.

KARYON ADDER: The sign was meant to be replaced before reopening, but someone obviously forgot to get to it. A temporary oversight, I’m sure. (beat) Now, again, must I inquire? Do you wish to ride Route 999?

'Shira and Anakin exchange glances.

NASHIRA: Since we’re here ….

Anakin merely shrugs, then they take a collective step forward. As they pass by Karyon, though, the Pau’an reaches behind him, pulls a cane hidden within the folds of his tailcoat out, then gripping the diamond head, unsheathes a thin sword hidden with the shaft. Taking a swing downward, he blocks their advance.

KARYON ADDER: (frowns) Tickets please.

Dumbstruck by the eccentric barker, Nashira and Anakin give the Pau’an a pair of tickets. His frown instantly transforming into a wide grin, he accepts the tickets.

KARYON ADDER: (removes and resheathes his sword) Carry on, kidbits, carry on!

Karyon Adder begins to laugh maniacally as the two lovers disappear into the open maw of Route 999.

INT. ROUTE 999 – DAY

Sitting within a repulsorcart, Anakin and Nashira travel along Route 999.

Surrounding them is a holographic panorama of the nine hells from Corellian myth. All about the young couple can be seen a plethora of profane images. In one corner, a squat imp smacks down a floating torso with no legs or head; in another, a young man with an old man’s voice plummets into a pit of icy fire; and in still another, a man with a flailing, broken neck dodges a flurry of flaming arrows launched from the bow of a reptilian/insectoid hybrid standing only a metre away from him.

Unfortunately for 'Shira and Nik, the ride is a complete bust. The holograms, already poorly rendered, constantly go staticky and often wink completely out of existence. As a result, the expressions on the young man and girl’s faces are far from ones of terror.

NASHIRA: (deadpan) The banality of evil, ladies and gentlemen.

As their repulsorcart makes its exit, a distinct electrical CRACKLE is heard, quickly followed by a sharp POP. Immediately, the holograms and lights go wholly dead, the power systems completely fried.

EXT. ZORQO’S ZOO OF ZANINESS/PROMENADE – DAY

The VERPINE VENDOR at a sausage stand takes out a fresh packet of sausages, tears it open, and begins laying the lengths of pale green pseudo-meat down on his grill as Obi-Wan and Nemec approach.

NEMEC: Hey, there.

VERPINE VENDOR: (speaking through a translator) Well, howdy! What can I do ya for?

NEMEC: (scrutinizing the green dogs) What kind of sausages are those?

VERPINE VENDOR: Why, those are bona fide processed magenge weiners, hoss, the finest this side of the Roche system!

NEMEC: Magenge? Never heard of it before. What kind of animal is that?

VERPINE VENDOR: Not a creature, hoss. No, not a creature. It’s a fungus.

NEMEC: (cocks an eyebrow) A fungus?

VERPINE: Indeed, hoss. A sweet fungus. My peoples’ main consumable, to tell ya the gods’ honest truth. Its taste is like the seventh heaven, I can tell ya.

Nemec and Obi-Wan exchange glances.

OBI-WAN: (shrugs) I’m game if you are.

NEMEC: (to the vendor) Alright, I’ll take a pair.

VERPINE VENDOR: Either of ya like ketchsup on yours?

OBI-WAN: I’ll have some.

NEMEC: None for me, thanks.

The vendor quickly assembles the pair of sausages with silent haste. Obi-Wan cringes when he sees the ketchsup – a dark, plum-coloured condiment totally unlike the ketchup/catsup he’s familiar with – squeezed onto his sausage.

VERPINE VENDOR: That’ll be six ingots, if ya please.

Nemec promptly reaches into his right pocket for his wallet. When he doesn’t find it there, he then goes for his left pocket. Not finding it there, he begins patting down his shirt in search of it. He doesn’t have the wallet on him.

NEMEC: Damn, I forgot – I left the wallet with Corin.

OBI-WAN: That’s alright, I’ll pay for them. It’s the least I can do.

Pushing aside the fold of his coat, he goes for his utility belt and, reaching into a pouch, pulls out six Corporate Sector ingots.

OBI-WAN: (to the Verpine) Here you are.

Obi-Wan hands the ingots to the Verpine, who promptly hands him the two sausages.

VERPINE VENDOR: And here ya are.

OBI-WAN: (takes the sausages) Thanks.

Moving away from the stand, Obi-Wan and Nemec head off down the promenade. The Jedi hands the farmer his green sausage.

NEMEC: (turns the sausage over in his hands) A sausage made out of fungus. (beat) What the hell was I thinking paying for this?

OBI-WAN: It may not be all that bad.

NEMEC: Only one way to tell, I suppose.

In synchronous tandem, the two men take bites out of their magenge sausages.

OBI-WAN: (disgusted) UGH! Revolting!

NEMEC: (shrugs) Really? I don’t think mine’s half bad. It’s probably the ketchup on yours. You shouldn’t have gone for any.

Spitting the unpalatable mash out of his mouth, Obi-Wan is quick to toss the rest of the sausage in the nearest trash bin. Nemec is quick to finish his.

NEMEC: Not bad. They don’t hold a candle to real sausages, of course, but they’re decent for all that. (beat) We should have a barbeque next Benduday. Corin makes the best sausages on the planet, and I mean really makes them; she grinds up the meat, mixes in the starch, the whole works.

OBI-WAN: I didn’t know Corin was such the gourmet.

NEMEC: She took a course offworld fifty years ago. She hasn’t put the spatula down since. (beat) Does Siri cook at all, Obi?

OBI-WAN: (grins) Afraid not. I’m the breadmaker in the family.

NEMEC: Well, let me tell you – when you have fifteen children to take care of, it helps to have two parents who can cook.

OBI-WAN: (nonchalant) Fifteen children? Is that all?

NEMEC: (laughs) I’m ninety years old, Obi. I married Corin when I was twenty-two. When you’ve been in a fulfilling marriage as long as I have, you have plenty of time and opportunity to sow, grow, and harvest your own oats – especially when there’s nothing to do between eating, sleeping, working, and the filthy business.

OBI-WAN: (sighs) I suppose not.

Nemec’s brow furrows as he hears the forlornness in Obi-Wan’s voice.

NEMEC: I’m sorry. I forgot about the … situation with your wife.

OBI-WAN: It’s alright. It’s just … it’s just difficult to think about right now. (beat) We should have waited, but we were too impatient to become parents – too damned impatient.

NEMEC: Are you going to try again?

OBI-WAN: Perhaps. I’m not sure. I was so anxious to have a child before, but now … with this … I’m just not sure.

NEMEC: It’s just a matter of finishing the stem cell treatments, isn’t it? You’ve just got to wait until the doctors say she’s fit to carry a child to term and everything should be good to go.

OBI-WAN: If Siri gets pregnant again, she’ll constantly worry about losing it. I don’t know if she can handle that stress again. Besides ….

NEMEC: Besides?

OBI-WAN: I’ve thought about it – run it over-and-over again in my mind – but I’ve never openly discussed it with her ….

NEMEC: What?

OBI-WAN: (sighs) You know that Siri and I follow different paths in the Force?

NEMEC: Aren’t you both Jedi?

OBI-WAN: Yes, but Siri’s a Jedi of the Coruscanti Order; I’m a ronin Jedi. The two schools of thought differ considerably; there’s very little common ground between them. (beat) You’ve noticed that I don’t have my lightsaber on me at present?

NEMEC: Your lasersword? Yeah, I noticed it wasn’t on your belt when you went to pay the bug. Siri’s had hers on, though – front and centre.

OBI-WAN: My master Yoda taught me that weapons – even lightsabers – are only to be taken into situations where their presence is warranted. The Coruscanti Jedi, on the other hand, teach that the lightsaber is an extension of the self – another limb, essentially, which is never to leave one’s side. (beat) Siri and I have argued and disagreed on this and many other doctrines since we met, but we’ve come to respect one another’s differing beliefs.

NEMEC: But with kids ….

OBI-WAN: With children, there’ll always be the question of what to teach them – which doctrines to expose them to, which to steer them clear of. Can either of us swallow our pride and step aside to allow the child to follow teachings we, personally, don’t believe in? Can we reach a compromise? (beat) I honestly don’t know what to do in that sort of situation.

NEMEC: (pats Obi-Wan on the back) This is why I’m happy Corin and I are both atheists. No religion, no conflict.

OBI-WAN: No conflict, hmm? Sounds like a recipe for boredom.

Nemec can’t help but grin.

CUT TO

Siri and Corin elsewhere on the promenade.

With a pair of ice cream cones in their respective hands, the two women make idle small talk. As they pass by a shooting gallery booth, a CARNIE WITH IMPOSSIBLE HAIR lunges out the open booth window, a preternaturally wide, toothy grin plastered across his wizened face.

CARNIE: (chipper) Why, hello ladies! You wouldn’t happen to be interested in a little target practice, would you?

Hearing the man’s exuberant voice, the two women stop in their tracks. As they turn to face him, his already unnaturally big grin expands tenfold.

LARGE CARNIE: (cont’d) Why, of course you’d be! So step right on up, my dears! I don’t bite! Scout’s honour!

Exchanging glances, Corin and Siri give a collective shrug. Finishing their cones, they approach the booth.

Drawing back into the booth, the carnie moves over to a small gun rack holding a small number of lightweight toy rifles. Collecting two of them, he activates their small power packs before returning to his visitors.

CARNIE: (hands the rifles to the women) Here you are! Two laser rifles! These are true laser rifles now, mind you, not blasters! They project low-powered laser beams, not concentrated plasma bursts! Fit for family fun on all civilized worlds, but if you’re looking to fight a pitched battle with enemy forces on an open battlefield, this is not the ordinance for you! (lowers his voice) I have to say all that for legal reasons, you understand. The Authority would flay my hide if I did otherwise.

Accepting the toy weapons, the ladies give them a once-over, looking for all the world like they don’t know how to handle the guns or to what purpose.

Reaching over to the wall on his right, the carnie presses a large red button. Almost instantly, thirty small holograms representing various game birds and other flying creatures familiar throughout the Known Regions flicker to life at the far back wall of the booth. Every couple seconds, the various holograms wink in and out of being along an irregular pattern.

CARNIE: Your objective is to shoot out as many of the holograms as you can within a minute! Repeat hits do not count! I repeat – do not count! (beat) Now begin, and be careful not to shoot yourselves or me in the eye!

Stepping off to the side, the carnie allows the two blondes a clear shot at the holograms. Not used to handling firearms, it takes a couple moments for Siri to get a grip on how to handle her rifle. Corin, on the other hand, wields the toy like a pro. In a microsecond, she has the rifle held at the ready, eye focused along the sight of the barrel with her finger tensed over the trigger.

A minute passes. Siri hits eleven of the holograms, not counting repeats. Corin hits twenty-nine.

CARNIE: (whistles) Wow-ee! I’ve never seen a soul hit twenty-nine of the thirty holograms in non-repeating succession before! Not in sixty years on nineteen worlds!

CORIN: (hands her rifle back to the carnie) What’s my prize?

CARNIE: (flabbergasted) Your prize? (beat) Ah, right – your prize! Just a moment!

The carnie crosses over to a shelf loaded with various prizes. Reaching for the top shelf, he grabs and pulls down the top prize.

CARNIE: (hands the prize to Corin) Here you are, my lovely girl! A prize worthy of a prize such as yourself!

Corin accepts the stuffed bantha with subdued joy.

CUT TO

Corin and Siri back on their trek along the promenade.

SIRI: You’re an amazing shot, Corin, I’m serious. You handled the toy like a professional sharpshooter.

CORIN: (shrugs) I’ve had practice.

SIRI: So tell me – where’d you get your “practice”?

CORIN: My father was a police officer. He used to take me up to the shooting range every weekend. That’s where I learned how to handle a blaster.

SIRI: Police officer? You mean --?

CORIN: He wasn’t an Espo. (beat) Well, he was, but before the Authority became so militarized, so corrupt. (beat) He was a good man; he hated what the Security Police had become.

SIRI: Is life here so bad?

CORIN: When Nashira was young, Nemec and I could take her out on hunting trips into the woods. All that changed ten years ago, when the Authority declared all the undeveloped regions of Orron III “ecological reserves”. Anyone who goes into a hinterland without authorization is quickly picked up by Espo scanners and twice as quickly tracked down and shot like a beast.

SIRI: Did you ever consider leaving? Just packing up and moving out of the Corporate Sector?

CORIN: That would be nice. We could sell our farm – stars know the Authority’s eagre to buy the remaining independent farms out – charter a flight out of the Corporate Sector, and start over on a fresh new world – a world where no one would bat an eye at us for dipping our feet into a running stream. (beat) But it’ll never happen.

SIRI: Corin, you must know that Obi-Wan and I’d be perfectly willing to help you get settled. I have connections. I could –

CORIN: (holds her hand up) Siri, you don’t understand. This isn’t about money or emigration or any of that. (beat) Were it up to me, we’d have sold the farm and left the Corporate Sector years ago. Unfortunately, the farm’s Nemec’s birthright; he’s more married to it than he is to me. He’ll sooner die than part with it.

SIRI: That is truly a shame. The war aside, the Empire’s a wonderful place to live. You’d never have to go about life in fear of totalitarianism there.

CORIN: Your Empire sounds like a dream come true. (sighs) But I’ve never placed much stock in dreams.

SIRI: Hmm?

CORIN: You describe the Empire is as if were an egalitarian paradise, a near-utopia. But wasn’t the Wookiee homeworld placed under martial law after your previous war, by decree of your Senate?

SIRI: It’s not a decision the senators made lightly. You have to understand, Kashyyyk had become a hotbed of Separatist activity during the war; the Separatist presence was so firmly entrenched that the standard disarmament procedures just weren’t working. For the sake of the Wookiees, for all concerned, we had to crack down. It was better than the alternative.

CORIN: But that was several years ago. Can you really tell me the situation hasn’t cooled down since then?

SIRI: (frowns) We’ve been at war with the Clonemasters for nineteen years, Corin. Our men and resources have been stretched thin for far too long. We haven’t had the luxury of being able to focus our attentions on Kashyyyk and the Wookiees.

Corin silently decides to let the conversation end there.

EXT. ZORQO’S ZOO OF ZANINESS – MONTAGE

Eventually Anakin and Nashira, Siri and Corin, and Obi-Wan and Nemec regroup. From there they go to various different attractions together, enjoying the fun parts and suffering through the painful bits together as one collective family.

As the suns lower on the horizon, the collective family leaves to return home.

INT. DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD – MONTAGE

Back at the homestead, the three couples steal away into their own separate bedrooms. There, under the sheets, beneath the deep shadows of night, the men make love to their women, slowly and tenderly.