I think that a lot of the new dialogue is good. I think the line about Padme' knowing it is forbidden could work because of their ocnversation earlier on the transport ship. However, I do think that some of the dialogue in the fireplace is good too. Is there any way you incorporate something about living with secrets? I thought that part of the original dialogue was good when you think about in the light of Anakin's rage later in the movie. It just works on a couple of different levels.
Looking forward to seeing what you come up with next!