Padme has been talking as they’ve been walking along.
Padme: We would swim to that island every day. I love the water. (her other dialogue has been cut and this earlier dialogue has been replaced here). Several seconds of silence. They both gaze at the water
Anakin: Padme…(a bit nervously) CUT:
Anakin: I love you (completely off-topic)
Padme turns in surprise.
Anakin: I’ve loved you ever since I first saw you, ten years ago. (he has put a lot of thought into this previously).
Anakin: I was afraid to tell you before…
Anakin: …but it’s true.
He touches hand, touches back, etc. until he gets some sugar (as shown in film, only color corrected).
Until…
Padme: No. I can’t. (pulling away). I shouldn’t have done it. (extra dialogue looped from previously).
Anakin: What’s wrong?
Padme: That was forbidden for a Jedi. (dialogue from elsewhere).
Anakin: I know. (replacing “I’m sorry”. CUT quickly to…
Anakin smiling. Slowly, his smile disappears. CUT to
Anakin turning away in confusion and guilt.
I might actually make it so Anakin just says, “I know,” and immediately turns away in confusion. I thought it would be neat, though, if he smiled in between. Kind of makes him more Darth Vader-like and makes it clear that he knows he shouldn’t have kissed Padme but he did it anyway. I was trying to incorporate some information from the fireplace scene into this one, so that it covers more ground.
1. Their love is forbidden
2. Anakin knows this and wants to continue anyway.
3. Padme knows the rules, too. She gives into temptation anyway.
What we haven’t got is Anakin suggesting “We could keep it a secret.” It just doesn’t get to that point in my version. Hopefully, it will be understood that they will have to keep it secret because it is forbidden. I trust the audience on that one. Or, it could set up the question at the end: will they get in trouble? Will he turn bad immediately, or keep it a secret? I.e. cliffhanger; find out in Episode III.
The benefits of this is that we haven’t got:
1. “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating…” etc.
2. The awful melodramatic fireplace scene. “…hoping that that kiss will not become a scar,” etc. etc. You don’t need to spell everything out! Film is about asking questions, not giving answers. However, we have still got a dimly lit, dramatic scene which means something. In the original film, after they kissed, the rest of Padme and Anakin’s scenes together got long and I was kind of thinking, “Let’s get this over with,” as I watched it. Also, why was Padme so eager to be with Anakin after admitting, “I shouldn’t have done that?” Why does she continue with him? And why, when he had several scenes available to him, did Lucas make them kiss on the VERY FIRST ONE in Naboo? It ruins the sequence, in my opinion. My answer is that now, after the kiss, she realizes that the affair has gone too far and tries to break it off. Up until that point, she wasn’t really as alarmed. This way, the family scene, dinner scene, and maybe part of the scene in the grassy field come first, gradually building up to the kiss scene, which I’d like to think packs a lot more punch and is more meaningful now.
The color correction is still in test stages; I’m having the hardest time eliminating the bright green of the sun hitting a couple of small plants in some shots. I am not able to turn those into silhouettes. I’ll keep working on it. I have to color-correct each shot individually (I can’t just crank the brightness down for the whole scene), because the intended settings and atmospheres are like night and day (literally)!
Just my rough outline for this scene! I welcome comments or suggestions, as long as it’s not a sarcastic, “Who do you think you are, George Lucas?” or something like that (like I got from a friend of mine). That tends to discourage me!