After a half dozen therapy sessions and several weeks of the very mild medication spike, I was finally feeling better. I managed to finish a couple of movies (sounds stupid, but under the terms of what was happening to me, it seemed to suck away my ability to enjoy pretty much anything, and it felt like a victory). For a week or two, man, I finally felt good. I felt better. Then BAM, yesterday on my lunch break at work, the compulsions fired again. I could literally feel them starting again. I cannot fucking do this shit a second time. I barely made it through it once. No disrespect to my therapist, who’s advice about reevaluating my job situation was sound, but I just want this part under control right now. It’s like a sudden, completely random relapse. I barely survived this once, I cannot fucking do this shit a second time. Please God, not again. No, for the fucking love of God, no more. I just slept for 14 hours and forgot to eat. I guess it’s back the drawing board and either go back to my therapist sometime next week, or start hunting for a new one, and while I like this guy, the thought has occurred to me. I guess on some level, I knew this wasn’t just something I could cure and move on with, but given that it seemed to show up completely randomly a few months ago, I guess that’s starting to sink in now more than ever. I don’t want to live like this. I don’t know if I can. I can’t do this again.