Seems interesting. Obviously each SW fan has his own vision of each film, so I would argue that some changes aren’t necessary while I thing some are missing, such as:
Leia knows how much Han meant to her (Rey) and she (Rey) needed that one person who understood to be there for her
Leia has not clue about that. The hugging scene would basically be the very first thing I would remove if I were to make my own TFA edit 😃
Also not a huge fan of reusing tracks from the OT. The “burning homestead” cue is already awkward enough in the theatrical version IMHO.
Cut first order officer going AWOL, the scene cuts to Hux and Snoke before the officer speaks
This is the second thing I would change: reverse your idea and it’s perfect !
Good luck with your edit !