I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.
My consensus:
Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.
How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:
PALPATINE
POWER!It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?
ALLIGATOR PICTURES IMMINENT
Seriously, this thread is not for feedback on your fanfiction. Why is this so hard to understand?