I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.
My consensus:
Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.
How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:
PALPATINE
POWER!
It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?