HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" –
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" –
She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" –
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" –
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" –
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" –
She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" –
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" –
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you –
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" –
She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" –
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" –
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" –
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" –
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" –
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" –
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" –
He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" –
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" –
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" –
He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" –
He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" –
He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants –
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."