Saw my new therapist again today. He’s very kind, experienced, and obviously smart. I gave a journal of sorts that I’ve been keeping of some things I actually typed out during my worst episodes. Not pleasant, but he’s a therapist, I’m sure he’s seen plenty worse. I know, it’s his job, I have to be honest. It was a nice talk, and he did a good job of pointing out some things about the nature of the attacks, about the logical conclusions of some circular thoughts (EG If these thoughts led me to any hard-line atheism, which as I’ve pointed out, is not my own viewpoint, since I’ve already decided not only my own views, but that I would never be a fighter against religion, that even if I watched these things for 72 hours straight without sleeping, it wouldn’t matter since I’ve already outlined my own philosophy, and even if I came to different beliefs, I still have to go on with my own life. It made sense, but as I pointed out to him, it’s hard to reason with thoughts and behaviors you know to be irrational and unhealthy. It’s impossible to stop the circle.). Got some blood work done yesterday to look at thyroid, medical possibilities, etc. (and I’m here to tell you, I do not like needles. Gah.), and it’s been a little over a week since the medication got bumped. He pointed out that it’s two weeks at minimum before I’m likely to see those effects. He is trying hard to get to the root of these problems: <b>why</b> does his bother me, why am I afraid of these thoughts, why can’t I direct these worries towards energizing myself towards things which clearly do make me happy, enrich my life, etc. Why not worry about not liking my job, doing more fulfilling things, as opposed to the problem of evil, etc. I told him he wasn’t wrong, but that I couldn’t find a way out of the irrational feedback loop. Does knowing you’re insane make you less insane? It’s such a gorgeous day. So beautiful. A gorgeous sun, a cool breeze. I wish I could appreciate it more. I’ve starts trying to take my medicine with food, but this is such havoc on my appetite that I’m eating less, and less healthy when I do, and I didn’t eat healthy to being with. Oh, and this my be gross TMI, but why is my libido up? Aren’t SSRIs supposed to push it down and decrease it? Being horny is getting kind of annoying.