I for one am glad you are writing this. It must be very difficult and bizarre for you fathom let alone explain. On the surface an addiction to watching anything would sound silly compared to a substance abuse problem. Addiction to porn would be easier to fathom. That it is an addiction to theological discussion videos and it’s clearly having such a debilitating effect on you would be something I would find difficult to explain to a stranger. That you are and so eloquently is an astounding testament to the human capacity to survive even the strangest of maladies. I would recommend you transfer your phone sim to a dumb phone. Having easy access to these films is leaving you open to indulge these impulses on the go. I am concerned that your emotional state in these circumstances coupled with use of a car could end in possible tragedy. If your phone has no video capabilities you will have to come home to abibe your urge to watch these films and you will not be emotionally vulnerable in a public place.