As I’ve said before, your “worst day” is still your worst day, even if someone else has had an even worse day than you ever have. Don’t beat yourself up because you feel like other people have it worse (not to belittle your problems, Darth Lucas).
I don’t know, man, I get what you’re saying, but someone having cancer should probably put it into better perspective than it does.
Your meds won’t start kicking in for a few weeks, so you’re probably just having a rough day or two. That’ll always happen. It happens to all of us! You could be experiencing some reverse-placebo effect where your anxiety about the new dosage makes you feel like its not helping, too. Just stick out the next few weeks until it has a chance to actually take hold.
Like I said, it’s a very small increase, so it’s odd that it should be having an effect. I’m inclined to believe this is something psychosomatic at most, the idea that a very small spike in medication could have an effect after 48 hours just doesn’t seem scientifically feasible. Obviously, you have to go slowly (this increase may not do anything at all), and it takes time, but fuck, that’s hard when you’re suffering.
The thing about OCD is that it’s an irrational thing. You know the truth, you know you don’t actually need to go through your rituals, you know where you stand on theology and your opinions are concrete and you don’t need to keep debating it, but you can’t help yourself. That’s just the way OCD works. Just try to avoid the situations where you’re obsessing and if you find yourself in one, do your best to get out of it. But don’t beat yourself up if you can’t, because you can cause hopelessness doing that, and that’ll make it worse. Just try again next time.
I do keep trying, but with little success. I even tried the breathing stuff he told me about, with no success. I’m supposed to control my mind. I’m supposed to make decisions. I’m supposed to decide what I think and what I’m thinking about. It’s not supposed to control me. It’s scary.
Writing always helps me, and so keeping a journal is a great idea, especially because you can record your thoughts in the moment and show them to your therapist without forgetting details and whatnot. Great idea!
Yeah, shame it was his and not mine 😉, But I’ll do it and show it to him.
You’re fighting hard, and you’re doing a good job of it. Keep it up.
I know. I just had another episode. It’s just fucking frustrating as hell. I want to enjoy life again, enjoy movies again, be able to watch stuff, read stuff, not have anxiety attacks when I pass churches. I wish I had a more eloquent or articulate way of phrasing it than saying that it “hijacks my brain,” but I don’t. I don’t mind this obsessive curiosity, I just prefer it when it’s directed at comics or movies or other things besides this. At least that was fun.
I’ve had several slips in the last few hours. It just feels like I can’t fucking stop, and it’s driving me crazy!!