Your anxiety doesn’t seem to be from your quest so much as your self conscious awareness of it. The amount of times you complain about looking up things trumps the number of times you express a worry about what you find. Don’t berate yourself for finding or reading these things. But try to make a concerted to explore other things too. Maybe you could start a thread listing links to things you discovered today that aren’t directly linked to theology. That is a subject that already interests you tell us about other things in a new thread.