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The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 21

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Can therapy really help with this?

It won’t be a magic-bullet cure, but it will help and become one part of the solution. There are friends and family that will help. There is medication that might help.

Have you watched another video? If so, please try one of the steps that I suggested above. Give your parents your computer/telephone/television/anything that you use to access this material.

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The compulsions are getting worse, and with less time between them. I’m definitely thinking that this isn’t fixable, and I don’t know if even a shrink can help. Not looking is almost worse. The compulsions are getting stronger. I’m barely eating.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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The anxiety attacks would be helped with a mixture of beta-blockers and anxiety training.
Your GP would be able to get you the one and point you in the direction of the other.
I used to get them quite a lot but was free from them for a very long time but recently I’ve found them creeping up on me. When a panic attack gets me I try to lie down and not think about the anxiety (which is much more difficult than it sounds, making an effort not to do something often leads to it happening).
The anxiety will not kill you. It feels really frightening though and when you encounter a cluster of them it can be very disruptive and frustrating. Last summer my mum had one on the buses home and her real concern was throwing up in public and making a fool of herself. One effect of the anxiety is a tightening of the throat and the need to gulp and that can intensify the anxiety because it feels like it’s difficult to breath or vomiting might happen. The first time it happened to me it was in a car. I got the driver to stop. Got out and then slid down onto the pavement. I was surrounded by people all offering help. Most concerned that it was a heart attack. If you don’t know what is happening it’s very very frightening and tense.
Knowing that it happens and what it feels like and knowing you aren’t going to die or are going mad is the first step to conquering it.

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Mike O said:

Got on the phone today and found a place which would take my insurance, and their price is good.

Good. Go there. As soon as you can.

Can therapy really help with this? I don’t know anymore.

Like Chewie said, and I’ve said before, it won’t be an instant overnight thing and it will never be a “cure”, but you will learn how to manage it and you can be happy as long stick with it and not give up. Do you really have anything to lose by trying, compared to how you feel by putting it off?

Like Bingo suggests, medication may help, but it may be a process between you and your therapist to find the right thing for you.

Keep pushing. Never stop moving. You can do this.

Keep Circulating the Tapes.

END OF LINE

(It hasn’t happened yet)

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Whether it will work or not is unknowable right now, but you really have no choice but to try.

The Person in Question

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Mike O said:
The compulsions are getting worse, and with less time between them.

Again, have you taken steps to restrict your access to material that distresses you?

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Chewtobacca said:

Mike O said:
The compulsions are getting worse, and with less time between them.

Again, have you taken steps to restrict your access to material that distresses you?

No. I’m not sure I can. I keep doing it on breaks at work. I just don’t understand why I can’t stop.

My parents called me scared because I texted them a message about how much I loved them and they thought I might be suicidal. I just don’t understand why this is happening to me. It’s not like I ever had an overt interest in religion or theology previously, this has manifested as something horrific. I don’t know what’s happening to me.

I get that these are important issues. I think that existential, spiritual, philosophical, and religious issues are complex things to think about, but surely I can go a day without thinking about it and live normally?

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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Mike O said:
No. I’m not sure I can. I keep doing it on breaks at work.

You certainly can take the steps that I suggested. You must have a means of access at work. If it’s a mobile device, give it to your parents. If it’s a work computer, ask your boss or a colleague to limit your access or something. There are ways round it.

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If you really want to get over your compulsions, get a phone that can’t use the internet and sell your laptop.

The Person in Question

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Why the hell can’t I make this any better? I takes all of my energy to get up in the morning. Why is this so hard? God, I have to go to work in five minutes. It’s so fucking hard.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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Mike O said:

Why the hell can’t I make this any better? I takes all of my energy to get up in the morning. Why is this so hard? God, I have to go to work in five minutes. It’s so fucking hard.

It’s hard because you aren’t well. If you broke your leg it would hurt so much you couldn’t easily get about and do day to day things. If you went to the hospital they might reset the bone and put it in a plaster cast and give you pain relief but it would still be a long time before you could run about. Similarly your brain and body are not currently working optimally. You could and should seek medical assistance but you must be patient with the treatment (pun intended). It will take a while to reach optimal use. At the moment you are at the trying to get around on an untreated broken leg stage.

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The fact that it takes all your energy to get up in the morning is a sign that what you are going through is taking its toll. Mental strain places physical demands on the body. It might be worth talking to your boss to see if it’s possible to cut back your hours/days temporarily. If you don’t make some adjustment soon, you’ll end up being signed off work or not being able to go in.

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Unfortunately, I work retail and don’t get sick days. I had a big argument with mother because she insists, perhaps partially correctly, that I’m not putting in the effort to contact professional help, but it’s so fucking hard to do around my schedule at work and so fucking hard to do my job while I have his going on. It takes so much of me.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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Not getting sick days doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t alter your shift pattern in the short term, does it? If you’re busy with work, perhaps a family member might contact professional help on your behalf and arrange an appointment.

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Bingowings said:

Mike O said:

Why the hell can’t I make this any better? I takes all of my energy to get up in the morning. Why is this so hard? God, I have to go to work in five minutes. It’s so fucking hard.

It’s hard because you aren’t well. If you broke your leg it would hurt so much you couldn’t easily get about and do day to day things. If you went to the hospital they might reset the bone and put it in a plaster cast and give you pain relief but it would still be a long time before you could run about. Similarly your brain and body are not currently working optimally. You could and should seek medical assistance but you must be patient with the treatment (pun intended). It will take a while to reach optimal use. At the moment you are at the trying to get around on an untreated broken leg stage.

This, exactly.

I know I sound like a broken record in here, but you need to find help. You need to take care of yourself. This isn’t something you ignore, just like you wouldn’t ignore a broken leg. You need to find a professional, and the sooner the better.

I understand it’s hard, but you need to look at this like Bingo said: as though it were any kind of physical medical emergency. You are hurting and you need to be helped.

We’re pulling for you, man. But we can only do what we’re doing, it’s up to you to make the big plays.

Keep Circulating the Tapes.

END OF LINE

(It hasn’t happened yet)

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Just had a screaming match with my mother on the phone because my depression/anxiety/OCD is so bad. She got righteously angry at my negativity about hoping for the improvements the therapists we’re desperately trying to schedule (and God will, drugs he prescribes). I hope her faith is not misplaced, and I do understand her anger at my obsessive negativity.

Speaking of faith, it’s what was the instigator of this whole situation. Have broken my years-long vow to avoid any and all discussion of religion, a simple set of forum posts led me down a rabbit hole, and my OCD inexplicably manifested itself as a desire to watch a whole variety of atheist-atheist debates and journey down into some of the darker and nastier parts of contemporary atheism. Having some time ago come to the conclusion that my views were broader, more liberal, spiritual, and somewhat deistic, I don’t know why I chose to do this (and I cannot offer any valid reason as to why I literally felt unable to stop watching these things, knowing fully how upsetting I would find them), but it has in turn manifested itself as a Bergman film-style existential crisis of “Oh, my faith is gone, what will I do, everything I believe is a lie, oh God,” and a nonstop series of anxiety attacks and further obsessive thoughts. And I am not ending figurative when I say that I literally cannot stop. I know that some parities here are not particularly sympathetic with religion (I hear angry atheists in the back of my mind telling me I’m experiencing cognitive dissonance as “see the truth”), but I hope for some sympathy and prayers if there are any such types around. Because of the particular focus, I remain highly skeptical if any therapy can be helpful, but hopefully my mother’s faith in it is rather more likely than my own.

This is destroying my life. I saw an adorable baby today who was so cute that a few week ago, I’d have been seeing marvelous happiness, but today, I wasn’t able to muster up much enthusiasm. I’ve haven’t watched a single film or television show in weeks, barely read, don’t eat much, and the strain it has put on my relationship with my parents is getting hard to manage. They’re fearful I may be suicidal (which I’m not), and it’s hurting them almost as much as me. It’s becoming hell to attempt to work day-to-day in retail and attempt to function, but I can’t afford to take time off.

I haven’t indulged any of my compulsions yet today anyway. Doubt that’ll last.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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Get rid of your access to internet. Try a therapist too. If you take no steps to combatting this problem it will haunt you forever.

The Person in Question

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There is medication that can help with this sort of issue. I’ve known people who’ve taken it in response to watching distressing videos and the like and found it effective.

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I’m trying hard to get a therapist, but it’s the weekend, and management gave me a horrendous schedule that’ll be difficult to work around.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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Trade in your smartphone for a flip phone that can’t use the internet.

The Person in Question

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As of this writing, I did manage to resist a compulsion. Will I continue to? Got me. But it felt like a mild victory.

Edit: the compulsion is back. So much for my victory. I’m still resisting. Doubt it’ll last.

Edit 2: It didn’t. Unbelievable. One step forward, two steps back.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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Fight it. Don’t let it win.

Make some calls Monday. You can do this.

Keep Circulating the Tapes.

END OF LINE

(It hasn’t happened yet)

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Tyrphanax said:

Fight it. Don’t let it win.

Make some calls Monday. You can do this.

It’s so discouraging. I finally thought I had a victory. Then BAM, back I went.

And God damn, did I slip badly.

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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You did have a victory. Resisting an impulse once means that you can do it again. The fact that you slipped afterwards doesn’t take that away and doesn’t mean that you’ll be unable to resist in future.

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Chewtobacca said:

You did have a victory. Resisting an impulse once means that you can do it again. The fact that you slipped afterwards doesn’t take that away and doesn’t mean that you’ll be unable to resist in future.

Bingo. Focus on the positives.

Keep pushing forward, keep looking for that professional, but above all just keep on fighting.

One thing you’ll learn in therapy is that we have a great deal of control over ourselves. Sometimes it’s not easy, sometimes you’ll need guidance, sometimes you’ll fail, but it can be done. You just need to learn how right now. Please don’t give up.

Keep Circulating the Tapes.

END OF LINE

(It hasn’t happened yet)