From some north american stand-up comediants I've seen (whose names I cannot remember, but the first 3 ones are frmo a comediant you might be able to know the name of):
* I don't have a car anymore, I have an helicopter. To park it, I just throw an anchor and leave the engine running.
* I once put instant coffe on a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
* I have this full scale map of the world extremly well folded. It says "1 mile = 1 mile"
* This is a good one if you have a baby and want to have a laugh. Dress the baby as bad as you can, and go to the supermarket with the baby and your wife. Fill up the shopping cart with booze, and at the end put just one pack of diapers on the top. When you get to the register, pretend you don't have enough money, and remove the diapers.