Everyone on here has posted some pretty good opening crawls on here. Definitely a shout out to Kexikus. Really like yours. While I did generally like the opening crawl for TFA, it didn’t exactly fit the format of the rest. While not all of the opening crawls have to fit the same format, the opening crawls are like poetry. And poetry follows certain kinds of structures. The opening crawls for A New Hope and The Empires Strikes back are arguably the most well-written out of the saga (and my favorite two, so I suppose I’m biased), but they actually follow the same format as well. Return of the Jedi really dropped the ball but I’ve changed it in my personal edit of the movie.
Anyway, I just figured I’d give my two cents on my opening crawl philosophy so that it might help the process for others and then give my own suggestion. I know plenty of people have talked about what the content should be, those things have become clear, so instead I’ll talk more about the structure/format.
The opening crawls, according the ANH and ESB, have a few unofficial, structural rules.
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Four total sentences.
The first paragraph has two sentences. The second sentence and each one after contain independent clauses. -
The second paragraph starts with an -ing word within an independent clause.
i.e., “During the battle,” “Evading the dreaded Impreial Starfleet,”. I think this helps the crawl have a present-tense, action-packed feel to the story. -
The opening crawl has, on average, 82 words. 81 for ANH and 83 for ESB. Each paragraph is, on average, 27 words. The smallest paragraph has been 22 words and the largest 32 words. This might seem like an overblown analysis but I do think some crawls can get too wordy. Out of all of the crawls of the saga, none of them pass 83 words.
I think following these rules can help the structure of an opening crawl look and feel more in line with the others.
While I like TFA opening crawl, it actually breaks all of these rules despite getting the tone correct. It goes to 88 total words, which doesn’t really bother me. The fact that the second paragraph is two sentences is what bothers me so much. It isn’t bad but none of the other crawls do that.
So, here is my proposal based off these rules. I want to mention that mine is actually based off NeverarGreat’s great (ha) crawl, especially the last two paragraphs. So a lot of credit goes to him. While most of the first sentences set up the political situation, I think the “Luke Skywalker has vanished.” has become iconic so I’m leaving that untouched.
Luke Skywalker has vanished. Without the Jedi, the mysterious FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker has been destroyed.
Failing to convince the New Republic of the looming threat, General Leia Organa hastens to form a RESISTANCE as the First Order prepares their secret weapon, the STARKILLER.
Desperate for her brother’s help, Leia has sent her bravest pilot to Jakku to learn the location of the last Jedi while dark forces gather far above…
First paragraph: 28
Second: 28
Third: 27
Total: 83
Also, while not necessary, the second paragraph contains the word “secret” which both the crawls of ANH and ESB also do. Nice little touch.
So yeah, sorry for the long post. I know I seem really anal about the structure and am probably overthinking it, but I think structure/format is something often overlooked. So maybe people will like this version or use the concept to make their own. I hope this is helpful!