Your crawl is good, it seems more coherent. I thought I’d miss the “Luke Skywalker has vanished” line but I prefer your take.
In the “With the Jedi gone…” line it sounds like you’re referring to order 66. I like the tie in with the prequels, just wondering if that’s what you meant?
Actually, no that’s not what I meant, but now that you mentioned it I like this tie.
The line was actually added right when posting my crawl here. Originally the second paragraph started with “With the government slow to react…”, but then there was no mention of Luke/the Jedi missing until the last paragraph and that felt weird to me since most people probably assumed that Luke had rebuilt the Jedi Order in the 30 years after ROTJ. It’s not as personal as the “Luke Skywalker has vanished” line but still gets the point that Luke is apparently missing across.