I would agree. I liked the film overall, to the point where I personally wouldn’t find doing an edit for myself worth it, but that “In the hands of your father… Han Solo.” felt weird to me even upon my first viewing in the theater. I think cutting the line after “your father” would be wise.
I agree that the line is a bit wonky. And I also don’t tend to want (or want to make) fanedited films for things that I consider nitpicking. It’s going to be weird having a Star Wars film that I watch by taking the pressed disc out of its official packaging and navigate its menu to play. But I’ll still be curious to see what people come up with for more substantial edits.
But as for the Kylo Ren “clunky exposition”, I don’t think it should be cut at all. While it’s not award winning dialogue (most of the Star Wars franchise is not), it’s the first suggestion that he comes from the other side and is not exactly a peer with those he is shown aligned with. Could be smoother but shouldn’t be cut, IMO. It’s easy to think it’s unnecessary when you go into the theater knowing that Ren is probably or definitely Han and Leia’s kid. But for everyone else, it teases his background.