Trivia aboot Canadians
Most Canadians prefer to mate “doggy style” so no one misses the hockey game.
Snow shallow enough that you can still move your legs is considered mild weather.
A group of Canadians is called a “Gang” or “Herd”, or occasionally when three get together, a “Rush”.
Canadians are drawn inexplicably toward shiny reflective objects, this is due to their desire to be home amongst the snow and ice of Canada.
Canadians score 10 points higher on IQ tests than Americans but generally score worse on a breathalyzer test. There may or may not be a correlation.
Margaret Trudeau has a map of Canada tattooed on her ass. When she sits down, Quebec separates.
During the spring thaw, a Canadian can swim for up to two hours and as far as twelve miles.
Other than beer, maple syrup is a commonly consumed drink in Canada. It sells for $0.50/gallon in US Dollars there but they can make a good $5.00 on the same amount here.
Canadians do not even bring their guns to the mall.
They treat curling just like it’s a real sport.
Canadians are often oot an’ aboot but Americans are usually just out and about.
Canadians like to use phrases like “surfs up dude!” and “man look at that wave” when referring to going out in the snow.
The Band Plague Crawler are Canadian.
Almost any word in the Canadian language (Not understandable by many) can be substituted for the english word Fuck or fuckenEh?.
Canadians start letters with ‘Hey Hoser,’ as opposed to ‘Dear Sir’.
Canadians are perhaps the only nationality (except americans) who wear clothing with their own countries flag when visiting other countries. It is because they don’t want to be mistaken for Americans and get hated by everyone else. The Canadian flag has actually been referred to as “the I am not American flag”. Foreigners like Canadians wear the American flag when traveling to the US so they are not interrogated and physically/mentally abused by the TSA.
The “There’s Gotta Be Something Wrong With That Guy” hat is considered commonplace in Canada. It is commonly worn in combination with rapist glasses and a pedophile beard, which are called Regular Glasses and Lumberjack Beards respectively in Canada.
Newfoundlanders are embarrassed to be lumped in with Canadians, and apologize for any confusion their accents may account for. Often when you see a Newfoundlander with a Mainlander (typical Canadian), the Canadian will end up doing something that will embarrass the Newfoundlander for being seen in public with the nice but slow Canadian.
Canadians worship beavers-beaver gods-and give them Stanley Cups as offerings. They’ve got so many Stanley Cups that Canadian hockey players can wear them during their games.
The RCMP likes to play tag with tasers. Thats how real men play tag.
Canadians are by large, intoxicated on various psychotropic substances. Notoriously using alcohol (in the form of beer, moonshine and absinthe), cannabis, magic mushrooms, peyote, and opium. All of the said substances will not land you in jail either.
Canadians just don’t know how to make anything. Other than maple syrup, Epic Hot people, Canadian beer, anything taxidermy related, igloos, the CN Tower and those annoying Canada Geese.
Most Canadians live close to the border, either because they are plotting to invade the US or because anything too far north is too damn cold. There is no actual warmth in Canada itself, because it is a frozen wasteland. Thus Canadians crowd the border to absorb the warmth of their fatso American cousins.
Canadian lumberjacks and truckers chug maple syrup and eat flapjacks in Alberta diners when they aren’t on the job. Some will drink maple syrup mixed with stimulants such as meth in order to drive further.
Pamela Anderson is Canadian, once again proving how hot and sexy Canadians are. Tommy Chong is pretty damn sexy too.
Canadians are capable of chugging antifreeze without dying or suffering severe poisoning. This is because they have had to find ways to cope with the extreme cold and because it makes them look tougher than the nearby Russians.
Canada’s national pastimes are hockey, eating poutine with duck fat, saying “sorry” to everyone that they bump into, and complaining about their health care system. Their main health care debates include “When should we kill the elderly?” and “How much better are we than Americans?”.