I’ve said it many times before, but I’m honestly convinced of the same as the others. As a psych nurse, it’s a topic I’m very passionate about. Dwelling on suicidal thoughts but saying, “I’ll never do anything about it,” is a bit of a self deception. You really may slip down some dark thoughts one day and lose your judgment. One suicide attempt on one particularly bad day may be enough for me never to read another Possessed post. Take this stuff seriously. There is help, and maybe some other meds will work better for you. Mental health has come a long way with many options so don’t give it up or rely on self-medication. I wish you lived nearby where I could personally help. But trust me there is help for you and nothing is more personality altering than death. Your friends and family need you.