Emotional turmoil
/əˈmōSH(ə)n(ə)l ˈtərˌmoil/
noun
Learning that the unrequited love of your life is married, has children, and is a semi-professional writer, knowing that you’re happy for her, but realizing now more than ever that she is the perfect woman for you and utterly beyond your ability to obtain.
I’ve disclosed I’ve had some of this sort of thing myself.
Things to remind yourself. Loving someone and falling in love with someone are not the same thing.
The falling in love bit is a chemical biological response. It’s sort of like going a bit mad (note how insanity is a feature of many a love story and love song lyric/poem).
It will get better and it has very little to do with actual life expectations. The sheer number of heterosexual females that would be attracted to you and your own preferences must intersect with a significance that despite your current feelings you must accept rationally. Pure mathematical probability right?
Then comes your proclamation (doubtlessly heart felt) that this lady is the perfect woman for you.
Well that’s clearly not true. She is married with children and a career. Her becoming yours would be devastatingly traumatic for her and as someone who clearly likes her would be unpleasant to experience as you would see yourself as the origin of that disruption. You clearly admire much about her but she isn’t perfect for you. Someone else out there is. It’s a mathematical certainty.
It’s really difficult to remain rational when there is all that chemical stuff happening in your brain.
I recommend forcing yourself out and about, I recommend physical exercise, I recommend going to the Doctor and asking if there is something you are comfortable doing that might calm down those chemically triggered emotions (even if it’s just a really good relaxation group and not a tablet or three).
Finally find a human being who can talk to you with a voice and not just text.
Nothing beats peer support.
Your experience is unique to you but not unique in the world. Men have a terrible record about not actually talking about their feelings.
It will get better no matter how it feels now.
for once, I totally agree with Bingo, especially the bit about talking to someone. At one point in my life I needed to talk about my feelings to someone. But I didn’t. I kept them bundled up. It ended up terrible for. My life still hasn’t recovered fully from the consequences of keeping my feelings to myself instead of talking to someone. Don’t make the mistakes I made. Don’t let this become obsession, don’t keep your feelings bottled up. I’ve basically ruined my life. Don’t ruin yours.