Sorry, dream sequence stays.
Don’t be: it’s your edit and your work ! The Tusken scream just sounds weird. Why don’t you use actual Shmi Skywalker lines ? (like “Ani… Ani…” when she dies, and lines from EpI - “what does your heart tell you ?” stuff - as a reminescence of his mother’s last words when he left her) ? It seems you’ve done that, but the Tusken scream covers everything else. Butagain: it’s 100% your call.
About the new video, littlev87 has got a point here, but for another reason: if we assume he got laid the night before, would he really want his first morning words to his beloved be “I saw my mother” ? However, on a technical point of view your edit is nicely done (The inclusion of a Padmé shot from ROTS is seamless).