Let’s rewrite that bloated crawl!
From my thread in the Scriptwriting subforum:EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENSLuke Skywalker, the last Jedi, has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER
has risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire.To counter this deadly threat, the Republic
mobilizes a covert RESISTANCE led by
General Leia Organa, to gather allies from
the farthest reaches of the galaxy.As the FIRST ORDER prepares a crippling
blow to the Republic, its dark forces gather
above the graveyard planet of Jakku…I like this crawl. Succinct but revealing more information.
Here is my go. Bear in mind, I’m attempting to reveal several more details, but keep it concise. I have a feeling it’s still too long, but take a look:
The democratic NEW REPUBLIC rules with a just hand. But from the ashes of the evil Galactic Empire, the FIRST ORDER has arisen, its strongholds hidden among the recesses of the Unknown Regions.
This new Order, determined to restore the glory of the Empire, have secretly poured resources into a new weapon of rerror: the Starkiller!
General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE to combat such evil. With little support from the Reupublic, Leia is desperate to find her missing brother Luke Skywalker. She has dispatched her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where a group of Force worshipers may hold a clue to Master Skywalker’s whereabouts…
The advantages of this crawl include: a) greater distinction between the Republic and the Resistance, and make the situation appear more dire for the latter; b) allusions to the otherwise surprising DS3; c) explaining why the First Order is still a force to be reckoned with; d) containing most of the same info as the original crawl; e) perhaps explaining why Jakku holds any clues at all; f) its consistent with the background designed for the world building, but not revealed in the film itself.
The disadvantage is that to include so much information, it can make for some clunky wording and an overly long crawl. I’m interested to read others’ thoughts on the matter.
I agree that the Starkiller should be mentioned by name in the crawl. Here’s an updated version:
The galaxy is in crisis.
With no Jedi to resist it,
a tyrannical First Order
has risen from the ashes
of the Empire to threaten
the fledgling Republic.
As the Republic hastens
to form a Resistance led
by General Leia Organa,
the First Order prepares
to destroy the Republic
once and for all with a
lethal secret weapon,
the STARKILLER.
Desperate for allies,
Leia has sent a pilot
to the war-torn planet
of Jakku to learn the
location of the Jedi
while dark forces
gather far above…