Jokes thread : Reloaded - Original Trilogy

Author: Bossk
Time: 14-Jan-2005 12:46 PM
Post link

Stuffed dead dog. I'm having visions of Scrubs.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 14-Jan-2005 6:16 PM
Post link

Originally posted by: Jedi Master
Oh Holly Land...

A man, his wife and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can either have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 plus funeral expenses to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00 total?"

The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

LMAO !!!

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: RRS-1980
Time: 16-Jan-2005 7:46 PM
Post link

Originally posted by: Bossk
... and I dig Jack Russell Terriers as well. They're dogs in my book (bigger than footballs).

Hey, my buddy has a pair (Mum & Son) of those terriers!

My faves are German shepherds and Huskies... ya know - it has to have some "wolfish" qualities

I saw the original theatrical release of the Old Trilogy on the big screen and I'm proud of it...
How did I accomplish that (considering my age) is my secret...

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 16-Jan-2005 10:57 PM
Post link

MY WIFE WANTS A JACK RUSSELL TERRIER. I MAY LET HER GET ONE THIS SUMMER.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Bossk
Time: 18-Jan-2005 8:03 AM
Post link

My wife and I both like Huskies too. Just a damned expensive dog.

As for the Holy Land joke, everybody I've told it to so far has just been dying laughing.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 19-Jan-2005 3:48 PM
Post link

MY DAD LOVED THAT ONE AS WELL. I HOPE HE GETS AROUND TO WRITING HIS JOKE BOOK.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Bossk
Time: 20-Jan-2005 4:50 PM
Post link

I know there are pro-Bush and anti-Bush people here and I realize this joke is quite anti-Bush, but it was too funny to not post. If you don't get it, don't bother saying anything. Just move on...

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: ricarleite
Time: 20-Jan-2005 6:03 PM
Post link

* ricarleite was about to say something, but then he covered his mouth *

“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering

Author: Bossk
Time: 21-Jan-2005 9:22 AM
Post link

Probably better that way.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: Bossk
Time: 24-Jan-2005 11:30 AM
Post link

http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/uc/20050124/lnq050124.gif

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: sean wookie
Time: 24-Jan-2005 9:36 PM
Post link

lol

Author: Jedi Master
Time: 24-Jan-2005 11:45 PM
Post link

Clever Those Women...

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the Super Bowl.
.
At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.
.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the men.
.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please."
.
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
.
The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed man.
.
"Watch and learn," answer the women.
.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.
.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.
.
The woman knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

"May the force be with you!"

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 2-Feb-2005 2:40 AM
Post link

Q: IF YOU SEE TWO POTATOS STANDING ON A STREET CORNER HOW CAN YOU TELL WHICH ONE IS THE PROSTITUTE ???

A: IT'S THE ONE WITH THE 'I-DA-HO" STICKER ON IT.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: ricarleite
Time: 2-Feb-2005 5:23 AM
Post link

LOL

good one, Jedi Master

“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering

Author: Bossk
Time: 4-Feb-2005 12:42 PM
Post link

I couldn't think of where else to put this thing. It's not really a joke, but it's funny as hell. It's a voicemail message a guy left for his boss explaining why he's going to be late for work and then, as a witness to it all, he starts describing a car crash that occurred while on the phone with the voicemail service. The aftermath is hilarious. Snopes.com hasn't determined if this is real or not, but it's funny all the same.

4 Old Ladies and 1 Dumbass

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: Bossk
Time: 4-Feb-2005 4:34 PM
Post link

I can't possibly imagine why they say 'romance is dead'....

To impress a woman:

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her.
Compliment her.

Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her.
Romance her.

Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her.
Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back
again for her.

To impress a man:

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: ricarleite
Time: 4-Feb-2005 4:35 PM
Post link

I say it's not real. First of all, which voicemails allow a 3 minute message to be recorded? Second, it "sounded" artificial, not only the sound quality, but what he was describing, seemed to be kinda scripted.

“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering

Author: sean wookie
Time: 4-Feb-2005 4:47 PM
Post link

Originally posted by: Bossk
I can't possibly imagine why they say 'romance is dead'....

To impress a woman:

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her.
Compliment her.

Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her.
Romance her.

Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her.
Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back
again for her.

To impress a man:

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.

i would never do that for her

Author: Bossk
Time: 4-Feb-2005 4:51 PM
Post link

You would never wine her, dine her, etc.?

You're single, right?

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: sean wookie
Time: 4-Feb-2005 4:53 PM
Post link

just broke up was happy to

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 4-Feb-2005 10:13 PM
Post link

BOSSK, YOUR LINK DIDN'T WORK. IT WENT TO THE OLD POISON CONTROL YUCK FACE.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Bossk
Time: 6-Feb-2005 8:28 PM
Post link

Dunno why the link didn't work. Seemed to for Ric. Maybe they changed it.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: Jedi Master
Time: 9-Feb-2005 4:07 PM
Post link

Read this alert. It's very important. It's a very serious warning.

National Security Alert

P.S. Make sure your speakers are turned on.

"May the force be with you!"

Author: Bossk
Time: 9-Feb-2005 4:33 PM
Post link

Funny stuff, JM

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
-------------------------
Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com

Author: sean wookie
Time: 9-Feb-2005 4:38 PM
Post link

Ditto.