Entry Ten

Classes were canceled today and tomorrow for reasons the Jedi kept to themselves. That morning I received a curt message from Master Leston telling me that the Council wanted to meet with me in private. Fearing they would want to know how I had lost my lightsaber and what I had been doing on my tour of the herdship, I focused on the feeling of my feet in my shoes as I traversed the enclave courtyard.

Delgitto Tomis waved from beside the frame of the wide front entrance and asked if I was going to be expelled. I stopped and asked where he had heard such a ridiculous rumor.

"Sidlanger caught word from her master that you landed in some kind of trouble over Ithor. Everyone's talking."

I planned to admonish him for taking seriously a dolt who had every reason to smeer my good name, then personally hunt down said dolt and remind her of her proper place. But that would have to come later. I kept walking. The Masters perpetually scanned their students' emotions and uppermost thoughts, or so I suspected, and I was drawing to within a grenade's throw.

I entered the airy, circular main chamber where four Jedi Masters stood on the far ledge of the sunken floor. They faced the center, postures militant.

Vandar was the hardest for me to read. "Come, stand before us, young padawan."

I halted in front of them, bowed at the waist, and straightened. "You wished to see me?"

Dorak said, "Master Aben has requested to return to Calamar to assist his people in rebuilding. After deliberation, we have granted his request."

"I'm going to Calamar, then?" A crowd of Quarren and Mon Calamari must reek like rotting fish. The sounds alone would be enough to drive me insane.

Leston's lekku twitched. "A most colorful description, padawan. But you need not voice your anxieties."

"No," Vandar said. "Master Aben made it clear that he does not intend to return for quite some time. If at all."

"And he was quite insistent on you not accompanying him." Dorak looked at me as though he half-expected a reaction.

When none came, Vrook spoke. "Which brings us to the reason for your summoning. Your future in the Jedi Order must be decided, and what that future is will depend entirely on you."

I stared over Vandar's head, halfway divorcing my mind and emotions from the present in preparation for a hard fall. Nonetheless, my pulse quickened and I found it slightly harder to breathe.

Vrook went on. "You've been one of our most promising students since your acceptance here. Because of this we have chosen to ignore many of your transgressions."

The edges of my vision darkened. Was I going to faint? I unconsciously reached up and massaged my forehead, feeling pangs from an impending headache. "Pardon me, but what transgressions in particular?"

"You habitually argue with Master Aben," Vandar said as though from far away. "You have employed techniques that you understand lead to the Dark Side, as when we interrogated the Sith agent."

In my peripheral, I caught the distinct image of a person made of shadows climbing on a Blbla tree inside an alcove of the chamber wall. A few seconds ticked by. The shadow was still playing on the branches.

It was Leston's turn. "You express passion in dueling peers, bringing yourself closer to the Dark Side."

"Your actions place us in a rather difficult position," Dorak said.

I moved my eyes to point at the Blbla tree. The shadow instantly vanished. These are symptoms of shock, Bastila, that is all. I closed my eyes as perspiration cooled my face.

You are free. Return to Ambria.

Vrook's voice was abruptly a welcome sound to my ears. "If we allow you to run rough-shot in the academy, what example does that set for the other students? The choice is yours, padawan. You can either correct your behavior, or be assigned to a frontier world, where you'll serve the galaxy not as a Jedi, but as a laborer."

Shadows played on the Blbla trees and cursed this turn of events, this second chance. "I understand. I give you my word that I will rectify my flaws."

- - -

That afternoon, Meetra and I sat on the lake shore watching the waves magnificently sparkle to the light of the swollen setting sun. Frothy water crashed on boulders that poked from the lake surface and glided in slow motion to drench the sand where we sat, tickling our bare feet, soaking our robes. "You said they called you in for a meeting, too. Did they find out about us?"

"Only Vima and Vox were ever privy." The blonde beauty set her hand on mine and moved the edge of her thumb along my little finger, a move so delicate and teasing.

I smiled and turned to her. "Vaggy-mouth's leaving for Mon Calamar. Tell the Council you wanna be my full-time instructor."

Her face naturally had that quality of a woman who had woken from a deep slumber minutes ago, a woman who squinted and smiled to herself at the memory of some sensual dream. "I'd be worse than reckless to take that role." She turned to me and touched the tips of our noses. "I've been reckless to entertain our tryst at all."

I gently blew on her moist lips.

Meetra threw herself against me and sent us both sideways. On top of me, my playful attacker grabbed my wrists. I pulled one wrist free, but wrapped a leg behind her knees and snapped my teeth lightly on her chin. She bent her legs, keeping my leg in place, and grabbed my wrist in a stronger grip. We carried on with our push-pull wrestling match until she had locked my arms and legs.

The air began to distort around us, acting like the waves on the lake, and thunder rumbled over us in a clear sky.

"The Jedi say I possess long foresight for one so young." She kissed hard up and down my neck. "They say that I'm more talented and knowledgeable than most masters. And that I hold a special, but dangerous power." The woman, straddling my hips, rose up on all fours and looked down at me. "They say the same things about you."

I had submitted and become weak for a while to give her false security, but now I deliberately employed my muscles like a snake. She tried to resist, but she was too late. I reversed our positions and kept her in place under me.

"Then let us deepen our bond," I said. "And become like a bright star in the Force. The Jedi and Sith will both rethink their philosophies when we've shown them our glory." Tiny dots of light burst in my vision and alien voices reached my ears at the ends of the thunder's rumblings.

But she said that was what she feared and she held back the worst of her power while we intertwined.

- - -

Later that night I ran across the moonlight-covered plains for the plateau where lingered the Jedi Master I had come to know so well over the years. Kath hounds slept in clusters by pillars of white stone, the horned variety watching me enter and leave their territory. The ship's ramp was lowered when I arrived.

Vox lay on his back, upper quarter out of sight underneath a weighty piece of tube-wreathed machinery. A spectrum of tools were set out on a towel in his reach.

I crossed my arms. "What are you going at?"

"I'm refitting the flux stabilizer." He tossed a gadget on the towel and took a wrench. "The gamma burst we flew into was nastier than I thought."

"But you're horrible at engineering."

"I find I become rather better when my life depends on the outcome." He tightened a component then squirmed out and sat up. Grease splotched his face and work robes. "Come be an assistant, will you?"

I crouched down and for an hour handed him the tools he wanted, once going under that engine section with him to install a hand-sized part. He gave me simple instructions and practiced patience when I was hard-pressed to understand. We replaced wires and couplings, cleaned out grime, calculated fuel pressure and aligned fuses. He was more apt to chuckle at his own mistakes. When we had finished, I locked myself in the restroom to weep.

"You're leaving for your home world?" I stepped into the lounge where Vox washed his hands and face at the sink.

"There's been a toxic spill on the outskirts of Coral City. The ecosystem is damaged, which endangers indigenous species and the whole Mon Calamar economy."

"I'd gladly go with you and help."

"But you know I have requested the opposite of the Council."

I stood in front of him. "We needed a long break from one another."

"Farewell, then, Bastila Shan." He knew from our meeting on Talravin that my name would pervade the ages. And I knew that some part of him was proud for having been my master.

"See to it that we meet again, grumpy squid-head." I accomplished a professional, if not stoic exterior.

Vox nodded. "You are mastering your emotions, young woman. Now get off my ship."

- - -

I meditated in Dantooinian isolation, surrounded by docile kath hounds, when I heard the faint hum of a ship. I opened my eyes and settled a hand on the pup whose head rested in my lap. A sleek silver frigate that reflected puffy white clouds sliced the air of the sky in front of me where I sat cross-legged atop a hill.

A breeze lifted loose strands of my pig-tailed hair, bringing sweet and earthy aromas to my nostrils. The slumbering pup grunted. I sensed a powerful Force-sensitive aboard that vessel headed to the enclave. "I'm sure my lap is an adequate pillow, but I have to leave." The animal opened its eyes, licked my hand, and loped with renewed vitality for its siblings.

Adolescent students played ball in the expansive, grassy landing pad where the visiting frigate had settled. "What's going on?" I asked a boy.

"Revan's right-hand Jedi is giving a speech."

"Our teacher told us to go outside til he leaves," a girl said.

I walked for the entrance. "Move faster, Bastila," a peer called as he bolted past. "Don't you wanna hear the speech?"

Leston and Nemo sat in the courtyard. "The Revanchist harms the Order with his calls to battle," the Twi'lek said as he helped his human friend trim bush branches. "How many padawans have rebelled against their masters and left to die in strange lands?"

Nemo, a gentle soul, sounded heartbroken. "A few of them I knew and taught as children, sadly."

Jedi, ranging in prestige, age, and species, crowded the main chamber, but their numbers were quiet as someone spoke aggressively to Alek the recruiter who stood alone at the front facing his audience. "It was the Republic that quelled the tide of the Exar Khun campaign over thirty years ago. Their navy liberated Onderon and turned the Mandalorians into petty rebels. Rebels that have fooled gullible you into believing they could stand a chance against the galaxy's civilized might."

I stayed at the back near the crowded portal, grateful that enough people sat that I could see the newcomer.

The tall, bald, and kindly-faced Alek, dressed in plain but distinctive robes, spoke to his critic like they were a child in denial. "It is true that the Republic fought bravely against the Mandalorians. But the Jedi dealt the true crushing blow which defeated both Ulic Qel-Droma and Exar Khun."

He made a gesture of hammering down a troublesome nail, basic body language for politicians. "Without both working as one, victory would not have been achieved. Look around you now." He spread his arms out and strode along the edge of the circle. "History is repeating itself. The Mandalorians continue to grow in strength with each passing day. The Council is wise, but will there be anything left to save by the time they come to a decision?" This man had the energy of a man powerful and trustworthy. I understood why Revan had chosen him as recruiter.

Students helped an old woman to her feet before she questioned Alek in a feeble voice. "There's a peaceful solution somewhere. How are we better than the Sith when we answer violence with worse violence?"

The Revanite hesitated for a few moments, then addressed the frail woman as he would someone he hoped to enlist. "We tried to offer peace to them, and they answered us with that violence, killing innocent civilians, destroying the lives of those who survived their wanton destruction."

The crowd began to murmur in excitement, apprehension, and growing ideological division, but Alek's voice rose and carried above them. "Join Revan and fight through this deadly, blood-filled night. I promise that peace waits for us all at the end." Chaos broke out. When he had finished, everyone rushed to leave the chamber defiantly or station themselves by the charismatic man.

"I stand with Revan!" A youth pumped his fist while his awaiting friends clapped and cheered.

"We shall join you." A woman and her apprentice made for Alek.

I navigated through the crazy cluster toward our celebrated guest. Of course I planned to join Revan and fight for the side of justice. Passerby scowled at me as they left or patted me on the back and congratulated my decision. Soon I was face-to-face with Alek himself and he looked down at me with a warm smile and placed a hand on my shoulder.

I smiled. "Bastila Shan."

"When Revan ordered me to Dantooine, he gave me the names of padawans' whom I needed to prioritize. Yours was at the top."

But Meetra then broke through the nearby spectators and snatched my arm, pulling me away. Confused but automatically trusting in her actions, I let her guide me across the busy chamber to the closed door of the training room which she opened. Inside, door closed again, I yanked my arm away and glared at the woman.

"Stay here, Bastila. Your place is with the Order." Something in her delivery told me that she, of all Jedi, was going to join the war. This was news to me. Moments ago I had been intent on leaving her behind at the conservative enclave, perhaps forever.

"Did you hit your head?" I snapped at her. "Of course I'm coming with you."

Her calm shell melted away for a flood of urgent conviction. "I've learned all that I can from the Jedi and done all that I can for them. I've reached a stage in my life where I need to move on and fight for causes."

I tore down my own disciplined state and for the first time since the herdship I felt like a commoner again. "The same could be true for me. What do the Jedi have left to teach me about the Force that I couldn't learn from you? I'll fight by your side and when it's all over, we can leave behind everything and shape a life together."

"You're developing your abilities and learning to act a woman and Jedi." Meetra put her hands on my shoulders and carefully squeezed, as wiser-than-thou mentors had a habit of doing. I shrugged off the physical contact and put my hands on my hips, refusing to be coddled by my current opponent. She went on, "You will destroy everything you've worked toward if you tag along with us. Do you truly think I can keep a close watch on you every moment we're on the battlefield? Do you think I could concentrate on whatever mission if I know you're in danger lightyears away?"

I issued a groan that turned into a full-on growl. "It's more than just us, Meetra. I'm tired of hearing about the Mandalorians destroying villages and enslaving civilians." I yelled now, loud enough for others outside to hear, but so be it. "I'm sick of seeing all those injured caught in the middle of a stupid war. One day I'm going to recognize one of those faces. And when the worst comes, as it looks like it may, I could be looking at the smoldering rubble of the enclave, or walking among my peer's dead bodies."

She suddenly stepped close and threw her arms around me. I kept my arms to my sides, though. "I am sorry, Bastila. I shall fight for you out there. But you are staying behind where it's safe."

The portal swished open to reveal Masters Vrook and Leston. The crowd had cleared from the adjoining chamber.

"Well? Surik?" Vrook held his arms behind his back.

"I am joining the Revanchist," Meetra said.

Vrook flinched and horror fell across his typically stern features. Leston frowned and looked at the floor, muttering in disbelief and shaking his head. They had feared for my allegiances and taken Meetra's for granted. They would proceed in life as more cynical men.

For me to leave at her side would worsen the betrayal and crush the morale of the Dantooine Council. My heart broke for them and broke for my former lover. She pressed a hard kiss to my lips and glided out of sight toward a galaxy-shattering fate. I pursed my lips and took a deep breath through my nostrils, holding back tears.

Vrook went and leaned his back on a nearby wall, eyes closed as he sank down and sat on the floor, wounded. "A third of them. Gone. Including our best."

Leston looked at me pleadingly. "And you?"

I turned away from them and ran a hand through my hair. And what of me? There was time yet to race for the courtyard and board Alek's ship. I meditated and brought my thoughts and emotions back under control, assuming my stoic Jedi exterior once more.

At last I turned back to them. "The Jedi Order shall always have Bastila Shan. But. . . I do require a new lightsaber."