Not much chance of that ever looking 3D is there...
No way this would ever look remotely 3D no matter what conversion you throw at it. It would need a 3D Model and well a totally new shot made.
You can go on and on. Paintings are not 3D it's like saying make the Mona Lisa in 3D on my TV. It's also not going to move it's motionless.
It's about as Pancake as they come.