Smithers said:
Another rewrite:
It is a time of foreboding for the galaxy. After centuries of peace, many isolated star systems have been attacked by the Slave Trade Federation.
Queen Amidala of the peaceful planet Naboo has managed to escape her home system with the assistance of two Jedi, guardians of peace and justice in the Galactic Republic.
To prevent further oppression from the Federation, she must venture to the galactic capital of Coruscant to plead for intervention to save her people and restore peace to the galaxy....
While I like the general idea, "Slave Trade Federation" is a bit too much in my opinion. I feel it should be something like "a trade federation who (secretly) dwells in slavery" or at least something like that. They would at least try to hide their intentions by not going such a name. Otherwise it implies there is a damn slave trade federation and Jedi did nothing to stop them. (some guardians of peace they would be if that's the case.)
By the way, I strongly agree with your decision to removing Jar Jar from Tatooine and Anakin from the final battle. Anakin really should have stayed at the Jedi temple. Actually I am trying to do same for my own edit (well, you know that already) but it is not progressing as well as I would like. It is a quality vs speed thing. More time I spent on the details, more it gets difficult to accomplish.
Here,