Possessed, it's obvious that you need to work on the inside of you first. Maybe take some time off work and really discover what can make you happy. There had to have been a time in your life when you were just so excited to wake up tomorrow that you almost couldn't sleep you were so happy. Rediscover moments like that. Relearn how to think like that again. You talked about how others are giving you praise and respect at work already and that hasn't stopped you from trying to destroy your body. External praise, or even talking about the problem, or "fear" of how bad trying to kill yourself felt is only going to keep you alive on a temporary basis. You need to stop going for the quick fixes here. They have a shelf life and won't last.

Try to think of one thing to do tomorrow that excites you. Something easy that you can do in a few minutes when you wake up. Like reading a few pages of a book on something you're really interested in. Or checking this site, make that something you do when you wake up a few mins checking this site. Or set aside a YT video to watch when you wake up. Go to bed thinking of what interesting or exciting thing you can do tomorrow and wake up doing something that interests or excites you and you have something to hold onto forever. So long as you're alive there's a tomorrow waiting for you and something interesting to do when you wake up. You just have to start thinking about what you're going to do now. There are so many possibilities you just have to open your eyes to see them.

You have many days ahead of you man. Think of ways to enjoy each one.

(Edit) Okay even if you can't get time off work to reflect on this. You can still do this. Just think of it during breaks or something.