I know you don't believe in God, but perhaps you might accept some sort of fate. I am an RN as you know, and I believe I told you all that I recently moved to my preferred area of mental health. I deal with suicidal patients every day I work. Today at our hospital, we had a skills fair where we were supposed to present material pertinent to our floor to staff from other floors for their education in order to broaden everyone's understanding. In my position (remember, I was recently promoted), I am educator for my floor, and therefore I am the one who presented my floor's material to the rest of the crew. The material I presented today was, guess what?...suicide risk assessments.

In other words, this material is very fresh in my mind, so reading that you did this truly has me concerned. But I also feel as if I am obliged to share with you the material I have been presenting.

First, do you know what the number one risk factor of suicide in a patient is?

You are now considered part of the high risk population. Furthermore, substance abuse is a common comorbidity. I have a feeling, whether you care to admit it or not, that your substance issues are in fact a large part of your depression. You may say now, "I will never try that again," but you are not yet addressing the root cause of your problems. You are actually very likely to try again, and men are far more likely to succeed in their attempts than women.

Please, I've said this before, you must get help. Obviously your work is important to you, but you need to take the time off and get to the hospital. First, address the alcohol withdrawals. They can be life threatening, and you clearly are dependent. Then stay in the hospital at receive mental health treatment. There are medications to help you stay sober, medications that can help you fight depression, there is therapy...there is help to be had.

You are a person of fine talents, a great future. I like you a lot, but more importantly, there are people who love you. Think about how your actions affect your loved ones. Think about the reason you have to live. Please, get help. Do what's right. You owe yourself and your family and friends that much. You can't wait any longer. Get help.

Best to you my friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers, for what that's worth to you :)