Thanks again y'all.

I really need some clarity. I need to focus on something, and I need to make my days worthwhile, and different from each other instead of one huge stinking blur.

I just wish my immediate relations weren't so damn clueless.

I really don't feel like I get much sympathy, even if I try to make it clear that I'm not OK. A few days ago I was feeling down, came to the dinner table but couldn't bear to eat anything. Was that not a clue? Didn't holding my hand to my face help? How about sighing and saying "I'm not feeling right", over and over ragain? Will that stop you from telling me to eat something?

"Why don't you just get out of here, go out and look for a job??" is a sentence I hear frequently. While it's true that I'm a lazy shithead, it's also true that I've gotten so bad nowadays, I have trouble getting out of the house to go anywhere that's not the shops.

Job my arse. How do I look for a job if I can't even look at myself in the mirror without cringing inside?

I'm never sure with my parents. They seem to be of the "keep everything to yourself" school of thought. I'm not sure they understand the meaning of "depressed". Still? How long will it last? (they seem to think)

Never do I hear "Is there something troubling you? Is there any way we can help?"

Doesn't really do good for one's self esteem.