ZkinandBonez said:

Imrahil said:

Writing. Like a screenplay, not a novel--but with lots of dashes, and constantly violating the "show, don't tell rule"--as it screams through the action.

Sentence fragments.

Irritation.

How do you "show" rather than "tell" in a novel? I'm pretty sure that's the one thing you can't do.

Really?

Well, in case you're being serious...you don't say

"Wedge was sad. His dog was sick."

You say,

"Hi Wedge," Luke said, and didn't get a response. He looked at the other pilot, who seemed distracted.

"Wedge? What's up?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry Luke. I'm...well. I've been better."

Then you cut to later and reveal bit by bit that he has a sick dog, through facial expressions, dialog, etc.

Obviously the story shouldn't hinge on whether Wedge has a sick dog, but that's what the "show, don't tell" rule means.

In the excerpt from the novel, on the other hand, we have:

"“Of course,” he says, his jaundiced face tight with that grin. Tothwin is an emblem of what’s wrong with the Imperial forces now: Many of their best are gone. What’s left is, in part, the dregs."

and:

"The pressure is on. An almost literal pressure—like a fist pressing against her back, pushing the air out of her lungs.

Her chance to excel."

Ugh. So horrible.