Persuaded to watch Kingsman.
Wished I had done anything else instead. Just plain dreadful. Completely flat, tone so poorly chosen that nothing worked, the main character felt like more of a subplot in an X-Men training scenario despite the main plot being given less screentime, hyperviolent for the sake of being violent, desensitizing in terms of this hyperviolence, and really painful for anyone like me who grew up with the great British spy medium.
Using the umbrella of course only made me think of Patrick Macnee's refusal to use firearms as Steed, and just how that particular moral qualm is nowhere to be found in this picture. Yes I know it's from a graphic novel which means "it must be over the top" but there is absolutely nothing to recommend here.
Painful, far too long, dull...and it even ends on a beyond crass sex gag that isn't even a gag. Fitting.
Zero anything.