My weight has fluctuated like crazy over the past 15 years. I've had eating disorders from starving myself to the point that I had a brush with death, to eating like a slob and turning into Jabba The Hutt. My childhood was spent being the smallest boy in every class. All I ever heard was I wasn't eating enough.
I later moved to another state, to a fairly dangerous city. My parents didn't want me going out alone, so I pretty much stayed at home and lived in my room. I had a teacher that was very stressful on me, she absolutely hated me to the point where I was getting sick over the stress of going to school. When you start thinking death could bring you relief from certain individuals, you are in a bad place. To cope with that I ate. Now this story doesn't turn into me being bedridden or so large I couldn't walk, but I became quite chubby in my pre-teens. Then boom, shot up to 235 in my teens.
As I approached turning 19, I got really depressed. I knew this was going to be my last year as a teenager, and instead of being excited for the eventual 21, I wanted to turn back the clock. I wanted to go back to my youth, and do things right. I knew that wasn't possible, so I started trying to at least correct the things that were still going on. I stopped smoking cold turkey, and haven't had a puff in years. I started making efforts to eat better, and eventually became addicted to exercise. I would eat almost nothing, and run myself till I couldn't walk. The weight was melting off, and I was starting to feel good. Then I started getting sick... very sick. I was starving, and my body didn't' have the buffet of fat to feed off of that it once did. I also got introduced to a little condition that would so rule my life: Anxiety. I felt a tightness in my chest, my heart race, and the absolute impending death that was there to claim me. This would go on for a while, and eventually I sought medical help. I was put on medication that stopped the anxiety, but also stopped my ability to care. So a lot of the weight I had lost was starting to come back on. I decided I would try to fight the anxiety myself, so I swore off the pills and haven't had one since. I have now gotten to the point where I can stop an attack before it grows. I started working on the weight loss again, and while I'm not as skinny as I was when I was starving myself, I'm at a nice middle ground. I still aim to lose more weight, but I want to do it right this time.
