I had another thought. I love your crawl, and if you keep it as is, I won't complain. I really enjoy the logo you utilized as well. And you did use the same text as shown in an early script and actual crawl:

My idea, which really is a take it or leave it idea, would be that in order to be closer to an earlier actual crawl, you try to use the format as shown in the above picture. My understand is that GL showed this actual crawl to Brian DePalma, who helped him shorten it down.

http://www.slashfilm.com/original-star-wars-opening-crawl/

It's all just a thought. I like the Star Wars logo you used better personally, but I would hate to not mention it.